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Just because someone opens a door doesn't mean you have to walk through it.
The OP sort of set a precedent.
In his own words:
Quote:
She had another guy she started seeing. She wasn't sure if they were exclusive or not, so I made fun about it, saying there is one way to find out and then I kissed her and she kissed me back and then we hooked up
And then:
Quote:
Now I have a new girl I am seeing and we went out about six times now I think. So she wanted to seduce me but I told her maybe I shouldn't cause I don't want to ruin things with this new girl and do not know if we are exclusive or not, but even at the same time, do not want to hurt her.
Come on now. I think you are being obtuse about the situation here. If I had wrote your post and then re-read the parts I quoted before hitting "submit" - I'd have said "Oh... now I see the problem..."
The OP's actions could draw a parallel to entrapment.
Did his actions make her more willing to commit to cheating on her boyfriend? Yes
Did his actions make her more likely to end her relationship? Yes
You apparently get off on breaking up her relationships. Yet she can't do the same?
Okay thanks, I feel bad and don't want to even out the score. I think I should stick with the new girl and not sleep with the friend. I guess I didn't think of it as a double standard, because the difference was is that she didn't mind cheating on her men, where as I do for mine.
She also told me before that no matter what bf she has, she will always never be able to resist me. So when she says that I felt that she opened a door though to seduce her, compared to not opening one at all.
you think you should stick with the new girl and not sleep with a friend????
she is not a friend, once you sleep with someone, they become a girl friend...or boy friend....
It never ceases to amaze me how people put a none responsible label on sleeping around, calling it "friends with benefits".
If your a true friend, you wouldn't be sleeping with her....you don't respect her and she doesn't respect you...
and you will most likely sleep around on the new girl as well, once another woman crosses your path....
yes, you are double standard and both of you very selfish, & irresponsible.
She also told me before that no matter what bf she has, she will always never be able to resist me.
Oh, the OP is that good, huh?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
Basically I have a friend of almost 10 years and we have been off an on friends with benefits as well as good friends.
She had a boy friend a few years ago and things were not going well at all. She was planning on breaking up with him so basically I seduced her, cause I know we would both enjoy it and that she would have no regrets about it cause things were not going well with her by and she responded positively to it and had no problem reciprocating.
Later on, she had another guy she started seeing. She wasn't sure if they were exclusive or not, so I made fun about it, saying there is one way to find out and then I kissed her and she kissed me back and then we hooked up, and she did feel bad about that one later. I told her I was sorry and I shouldn't have done that if it made her do something she would regret.
We were still friends from then and still are.
Now I have a new girl I am seeing and we went out about six times now I think. So she wanted to seduce me but I told her maybe I shouldn't cause I don't want to ruin things with this new girl and do not know if we are exclusive or not, but even at the same time, do not want to hurt her.
She got turned off and said I was being totally double standard about it, since I talked her into going behind the other guys' backs twice, but now I won't do the same for her.
She said that I am being double standardish cause I felt she was worth talking into doing something behind their backs, but I now I consider myself above that.
Do you think that's true though? I don't want to lose a friend over it, but she says she is mad and turned off me, not just for sex, but just me in general now. What do you think?
You don't have a FWB relationship, you have 'I'll sleep with you while you have a boyfriend but if I have a girlfriend, then the deal is off' relationship. She was unsure about her relationships but you slept with her. Now you are the one who is unsure about your relationship but she can't sleep with you. That is a double standard, my friend. If you can sleep with her during those times of uncertainty, she should be able to sleep with you during your time of uncertainty.
(I'm not passing a moral judgement, but it seems that you want this FWB relationship to be on your terms.)
And for sure if you break up with this new girl and your 'friend' gets a new boyfriend, you'll probably want to 'seduce' her again.
Do your friend a favor and stop this FWB stuff. It's mostly one sided and you aren't doing her any favors.
You don't have a FWB relationship, you have 'I'll sleep with you while you have a boyfriend but if I have a girlfriend, then the deal is off' relationship. She was unsure about her relationships but you slept with her. Now you are the one who is unsure about your relationship but she can't sleep with you. That is a double standard, my friend. If you can sleep with her during those times of uncertainty, she should be able to sleep with you during your time of uncertainty.
(I'm not passing a moral judgement, but it seems that you want this FWB relationship to be on your terms.)
And for sure if you break up with this new girl and your 'friend' gets a new boyfriend, you'll probably want to 'seduce' her again.
Do your friend a favor and stop this FWB stuff. It's mostly one sided and you aren't doing her any favors.
But his friend is not naïve in all this. She's not a victim. She made a choice, and did what she did. She THOUGHT she could get a quid pro quo out of it, but it turned out not to be the case. I'm sorry she got hurt, but she was a grown up who knew what she was doing.
It's not that she "deserves to be selfish"? She deserves to be able to date other guys without you playing games and using her for your own pleasure.
Just stay away from her.
I totally agree, If she was dating other men, what was so hard about you respecting that and not "seducing" her to sleep with you? Now that you are talking to a woman, you deserve to be treated respectfully? Yet you weren't respectful of her relationships. Give her some space, if she wants to continue to be a friend she'll let you know
Okay thanks, I feel bad and don't want to even out the score. I think I should stick with the new girl and not sleep with the friend. I guess I didn't think of it as a double standard, because the difference was is that she didn't mind cheating on her men, where as I do for mine.
She also told me before that no matter what bf she has, she will always never be able to resist me. So when she says that I felt that she opened a door though to seduce her, compared to not opening one at all.
I'm not going to attempt to untangle this mess, which richly illustrates why FWB relationships rarely are productive for very long, but I do hope all participants will get themselves checked for STDs asap, and in the future, engage their brains - and perhaps their hearts - prior to engaging their other organs.
But his friend is not naïve in all this. She's not a victim. She made a choice, and did what she did. She THOUGHT she could get a quid pro quo out of it, but it turned out not to be the case. I'm sorry she got hurt, but she was a grown up who knew what she was doing.
The same could be said for him - he's a grown up and knew what he was doing. It was alright for him to sleep with his friend while she had boyfriends but all of a sudden when he has a girlfriend, he can't do the same? And he wonders why the friend is mad at him? It probably seems to her that he changed the rules in mid stream.
Neither of them gets a pass in my book.
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She deserves to be able to date other guys without you playing games and using her for your own pleasure.
