I really don’t like my brother. Like, at all. (person, member)
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As others have said, it is not uncommon to dislike a sibling. I have a sister I can't stand. She's not wild about me either. Now that both of our parents are gone, we've made an effort to stay in touch via text or email but we will never be anything close to friends. I'm just happy we are civil to each other these days.
Hope you can find some kind of peace that will enable you to live comfortably with the fact that you are under no obligation to like it be friends with your brother.
OP, one thing that stands out to me is why would you two be visiting each other and going to the expense and time to do so if you have so little interest in each other? How could he visiting you be enjoyable if as you say "we have no interest in each others life, have nothing in common, and he makes it all about him"?
What is the purpose of a visit? And you mentioned visiting him three times in California. If he actually has no interest in you and you have little interest in him, what were those three visits about? How does one enjoy the company of and converse under this circumstance?
It seems maybe you are hoping to become emotionally closer to him - that could be a worthy goal - but it doesn't really seem plausible at this time of your lives. If you have little or no interest in each other, then I don't see why visits would be worthwhile.
Are you feeling as if you should be friends and emotionally closer because you're siblings? Or feeling obligated to try? It's great when it happens, but many siblings are not close and do not visit each other. You need not feel obligated. Maybe a friendship or a closer relationship might occur when you're both in your 40's or 50's or older.
Last edited by matisse12; 05-12-2018 at 03:15 AM..
I agree with all posters who said let this go. Lighten up, for your own sake. Being able to take this as a grain of sand, and find the things to laugh about now, will serve you much better in the future.
You are not obligated to like the people you are related to. You are also not obligated to include them in yoour life any more than you are willing to. Society and media pushes this perfect family picture on us that all children love and respect their parents and each other and that is just not always true. There is nothing wrong with you or with your brother. You just are not compatible.
If you have to spend time in one another's company for short periods due to your choice to take part in family events, try to look for the good qualities, no matter how few, in your brother and focus on appreciating those.
OP, one thing that stands out to me is why would you two be visiting each other and going to the expense and time to do so if you have so little interest in each other? How could he visiting you be enjoyable if as you say "we have no interest in each others life, have nothing in common, and he makes it all about him"?
Yes, this makes zero sense to me and makes me wonder if you are leaving something out, or just exaggerating your irritation and will return to your real feelings following your vent.
I came of age in the 60's where it was pretty much necessary to rebel against the common culture (which included our parents) in order to "find ourselves". Many books I have read, including spiritual tomes, have said that one "has to leave their family" in order to establish a true life. I somewhat believe it.
In my case I did that young - but then getting married and having a family cemented it. Sure, we never outright fought with our parents or siblings, but we realized that we could not "live that life" and being very close to them would have meant doing so (to whatever degree)...
We still don't fight with any of them and are fairly close to my parents, 1/2 arsed close to my sister and at least somewhat (twice a year) friendly with my bro. My wife's bro is a horrible horrible person, though, and there is no possible relationship there. None.
We were asked to go to Europe with Mom and Dad and the rest of the family and their mates or GFs. We declined.
I don't have siblings. My Father has one Brother and the man has been a leach his entire life. Always in the hole from gambling child support etc...He blew every chance he had
That's okay, OP. You don't need to like your brother, you're not obligated to like your brother or any family members that you don't want to. I'll be married in September and have long thought about having a will made in case I die before we get married. I'm afraid that if I die and we aren't married yet, my mom will inherit my house and let my brother live in it. They both live in New York and are over a thousand miles away, but it's a scary thought. My brother would destroy the place. I'd leave the house to my best friend (who practically rebuilt the house with me) before I would my mom, just because of that fear of my brother ending up living in it.
We're 11 years apart, which isn't a big deal now, as I'm 35 and he's 24. We were fairly close when I was in my late 20's and he was in his mid teens or so. Then he got too cool to hang out with me. He even started stealing money from once he was in his late teens. He'd come over and knew that I kept money in my room in an envelope and he'd take $20, $40, $80 bucks here and there. We're pretty much polar opposites. He's a pothead (and probably hard drugs, too) and pretty irresponsible, while I don't even drink at all, ever. Not even occasionally. Hell, we don't even look alike, as we have different dads. Despite all of this, I don't hate or even dislike my brother. We do get along.
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