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Maybe i do need counseling. I have been obsessing over this situation for a year. Yet I havent spoken to her in YEARS. We are not even friends on facebook, but there are pictures I can still see. She looks flawless and happy in her wedding photos. And very thin. I dont know how she manages to stay so damn thin. At 125 im not fat but my body isnt what it used to be. She is just much more attractive than i am. It hurts because we had such similar upbringings...I dont know how i became so average and she so much better than the rest. She did have a rough time with her divorce i guess, but it didnt keep her from finding an almost celebrity status rich husband.
It isnt normal how much time I'm spending on this at all. I suck as a person right now. This isnt fair to my kids. I even bitched to my husband that Im sick of our average life even though we're headed to disney world in a few days. I just CANNOT stop comparing myself to this skinny gold digging (sorry she always has been) woman.
I have my moments where i cant stand my husband and there's been more of them lately. I feel resentful that he doesnt have more money and i feel resentful that i dont have more. For the rest of my life I'll be hearing about the fabulous rich privilidged life of mrs skinny b*tch.
Maybe i do need counseling. I have been obsessing over this situation for a year. Yet I havent spoken to her in YEARS. We are not even friends on facebook, but there are pictures I can still see. She looks flawless and happy in her wedding photos. And very thin. I dont know how she manages to stay so damn thin. At 125 im not fat but my body isnt what it used to be. She is just much more attractive than i am. It hurts because we had such similar upbringings...I dont know how i became so average and she so much better than the rest. She did have a rough time with her divorce i guess, but it didnt keep her from finding an almost celebrity status rich husband.
It isnt normal how much time I'm spending on this at all. I suck as a person right now. This isnt fair to my kids. I even bitched to my husband that Im sick of our average life even though we're headed to disney world in a few days. I just CANNOT stop comparing myself to this skinny gold digging (sorry she always has been) woman.
I have my moments where i cant stand my husband and there's been more of them lately. I feel resentful that he doesnt have more money and i feel resentful that i dont have more. For the rest of my life I'll be hearing about the fabulous rich privilidged life of mrs skinny b*tch.
If you do not learn new ways of thinking, you are in danger of turning bitter. Bitter is not pleasant to anyone, including yourself.
I do recommend finding a counselor for yourself, though. You need to find some peace, for yourself and your family.
I dont want to be unhappy and bitter, I really dont. But I think life has gotten to me a bit lately. Working full time, commute is about an hour each way, I work from home once or twice a week but boss doesnt like it. DH is grouchy often, kids are 2 and 3 so we all know how that is. I ALWAYS wanted kids and I'm so glad I had them. But it is HARD to do ANYthing else once you do have them. I dont know that I'd be happy if I quit my job and stayed home either and live on my DH's salary.
I'm just not happy with my life right now. I'm turning 40 in 2 months and I keep thinking about ALL the mistakes I've made over the past 20- 25 years. Wishing I'd gone to a different college, started on a different career path, chosen different friends, a different area to live in. I am not happy with who I am right now at all and I dont know what I'll ever be happy. I used to be afraid that i'd never get married or have kids. I did those things, now my worries have changed. I just have never felt fulfilled.
I do think most people feel fulfilled...i dont know why i dont. It seems like the things I want are out of my reach at this point. Feels like i'll never have the time or money to do anything. I save a lot of money because i'm terrified of having none.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lologal321
I dont want to be unhappy and bitter, I really dont. But I think life has gotten to me a bit lately. Working full time, commute is about an hour each way, I work from home once or twice a week but boss doesnt like it. DH is grouchy often, kids are 2 and 3 so we all know how that is. I ALWAYS wanted kids and I'm so glad I had them. But it is HARD to do ANYthing else once you do have them. I dont know that I'd be happy if I quit my job and stayed home either and live on my DH's salary.
I'm just not happy with my life right now. I'm turning 40 in 2 months and I keep thinking about ALL the mistakes I've made over the past 20- 25 years. Wishing I'd gone to a different college, started on a different career path, chosen different friends, a different area to live in. I am not happy with who I am right now at all and I dont know what I'll ever be happy. I used to be afraid that i'd never get married or have kids. I did those things, now my worries have changed. I just have never felt fulfilled.
I do think most people feel fulfilled...i dont know why i dont. It seems like the things I want are out of my reach at this point. Feels like i'll never have the time or money to do anything. I save a lot of money because i'm terrified of having none.
So you've always been unhappy.
Have you ever sought counseling and medication?
I'm going to tell you this. When I had preschoolers, my life was the most joyful it's ever been. If you are not enjoying preschoolers, it's time to rethink your life, IMHO.
I know you don't always respond to me, but I would strongly suggest an adventure. A TRUE adventure, that pushes you way beyond what you are comfortable with.
Like a one week tent camping trip with your family, including your kids, to the Grand Canyon. Something like that. To completely blow the cobwebs out.
I dont want to be unhappy and bitter, I really dont. But I think life has gotten to me a bit lately. Working full time, commute is about an hour each way, I work from home once or twice a week but boss doesnt like it. DH is grouchy often, kids are 2 and 3 so we all know how that is. I ALWAYS wanted kids and I'm so glad I had them. But it is HARD to do ANYthing else once you do have them. I dont know that I'd be happy if I quit my job and stayed home either and live on my DH's salary.
I'm just not happy with my life right now. I'm turning 40 in 2 months and I keep thinking about ALL the mistakes I've made over the past 20- 25 years. Wishing I'd gone to a different college, started on a different career path, chosen different friends, a different area to live in. I am not happy with who I am right now at all and I dont know what I'll ever be happy. I used to be afraid that i'd never get married or have kids. I did those things, now my worries have changed. I just have never felt fulfilled.
I do think most people feel fulfilled...i dont know why i dont. It seems like the things I want are out of my reach at this point. Feels like i'll never have the time or money to do anything. I save a lot of money because i'm terrified of having none.
Is 40 too early for a mid-life crisis? Maybe that's what's going on. Ok, the past is in the past. Not a thing you do is going to change the past. It's impossible to change it, so get out of it and look to the future, because you CAN change the future from the one you're heading into if you keep going along like this.
Like I said, first and foremost, you have to look at what you DO have. While you're comparing yourself to someone with more, compare yourself with someone who has less, way less than you do. Realize how lucky you are to have what you have.
Start small with the changes. You feel overwhelmed because you're only looking at the big things, not the small steps it takes to get towards where you wish you were. You are the only person who can make those changes, and looking at your cousin on Facebook is not how you do it.
Sit down, think about what you want your future to be like. You say that you don't have time for jack all because you have 2 young kids at home, that's why I said start small. Even if it's changing your hairstyle, or doing one thing different in your daily routine, start small. Maybe it's something that only takes 5 minutes, but find it and do it.
Set out a plan. Realize that big goals require a whole lot of small steps. If you lay it out, not only does it help you organize how to get there so that it's not so overwhelming, when you're in the middle of it, feeling like it's taking forever, you can look at your outline and see how it's advancing you towards your goal.
Maybe plan A is to save more money so that when your kids are a little older and can start helping out around the house, you can take a single class that will help you get a job that you might like. Find out what you want to do that you can do, realistically, find out what you need to do to get there, if it involves classes, take some. Even if it's one at a time, take them.
You can always find different friends. Again, make that part of the goal. Maybe you like to read, but you've got little ones so you don't have that luxury. Well, put it in the plan. When X and Y are 7 and 8, I'm going to join a book club and make new friends and get a chance to read at least 1/2 hour each night, or WHATEVER you can realistically do. And, be honest with what you can realistically do. Most people think they can do more than they actually can, but you're saying you can't do anything. That is simply not true, you can if you want change bad enough, find a way to make things happen.
You can destroy your life now, and then, when you're 90 years old sitting in your rocking chair and looking back on your life, wonder why the hell you didn't take the time to make changes because you will realize, at 90, that 40 isn't that old afterall, but you squandered it by being envious and bitter.
Or, you can be nice to yourself and start working towards something. If you actually have a goal, you'll have far less time to worry about what your cousin has, and you might even find fulfillment. Maybe you could find some time to volunteer somewhere, when the kids are older. Go help feed some homeless people, that will put things into perspective. If you like animals, go volunteer at a shelter. Don't say that you can't because it's "heartbreaking", I thought the same, until I did it. They may end up euthanized, but YOU can still give them something good while they're alive. I did playtimes. Better than sitting in a kennel all day with no attention.
Stop thinking of every reason why you can't have anything and start thinking of how you can.
Maybe i do need counseling. I have been obsessing over this situation for a year. Yet I havent spoken to her in YEARS. We are not even friends on facebook, but there are pictures I can still see. She looks flawless and happy in her wedding photos. And very thin. I dont know how she manages to stay so damn thin. At 125 im not fat but my body isnt what it used to be. She is just much more attractive than i am. It hurts because we had such similar upbringings...I dont know how i became so average and she so much better than the rest. She did have a rough time with her divorce i guess, but it didnt keep her from finding an almost celebrity status rich husband.
It isnt normal how much time I'm spending on this at all. I suck as a person right now. This isnt fair to my kids. I even bitched to my husband that Im sick of our average life even though we're headed to disney world in a few days. I just CANNOT stop comparing myself to this skinny gold digging (sorry she always has been) woman.
I have my moments where i cant stand my husband and there's been more of them lately. I feel resentful that he doesnt have more money and i feel resentful that i dont have more. For the rest of my life I'll be hearing about the fabulous rich privilidged life of mrs skinny b*tch.
Woman, I kid you not, this will end up killing you inside. It already has a pretty good head start. It will destroy you, and your family. And this will be your fault. This is a terrible attitude you have, and I've lost sympathy for you.
If you think that Disney World is beneath your dignity, then just keep it up. I'm sure some young woman would be happy to keep your hard working husband company. I'm just telling you like it is.
I don't think you're listening to anyone, so I'm not going to waste my breath. But if your husband loves you and thinks you're beautiful, cut the guy some slack. He's stuck around so far and it can't be fun for him.
I don't think you're listening to anyone, so I'm not going to waste my breath. But if your husband loves you and thinks you're beautiful, cut the guy some slack. He's stuck around so far and it can't be fun for him.
Well, the OP did say:
"I have my moments where i cant stand my husband and there's been more of them lately. I feel resentful that he doesnt have more money and i feel resentful that i dont have more."
That is not the makings of a good marriage. Should I not warn her? If it all falls apart because of her obsession, and she is crying herself to sleep at night because she messed up, and lost it all, she will wonder why nobody warned her this could happen. The ball is in her court.
"I have my moments where i cant stand my husband and there's been more of them lately. I feel resentful that he doesnt have more money and i feel resentful that i dont have more."
That is not the makings of a good marriage. Should I not warn her? If it all falls apart because of her obsession, and she is crying herself to sleep at night because she messed up, and lost it all, she will wonder why nobody warned her this could happen. The ball is in her court.
Ask whoever keeps talking to you about her to stop. Remind them you have no relationship with her so it's awkward to keep getting updates. Even if it is every year or so.
Sometimes they might forget which is fine. But if someone keeps bringing up what you are trying to forget it makes it impossible to forget it
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