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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,629 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50652
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lologal321
i haven't had a chance to read everything but did want to respond to Clara's 'everyone should find the most joy in their life in their toddlers and if you don't there is something wrong with you statement.' I am aware there is something not right with me right now but it has not to do with not loving every moment of my 2 and and 4 year old. There is VERY little they can do on their own. Anytime i sit down my 2 year old is in my lap ripping open my shirt to nurse or someone is crying and there a 1000 things i need to do. They are often doing things they shouldnt be doing.
I havent slept through the night in 4 years. My husband and i dont sleep in the same bed because our kids want us in bed with them.
I am not saying i dont enjoy certain things with them. There are 1000s of things about them then make me smile and i realize these are precious years but they are HARD. Perhaps you are looking back and only remembering the good which is great.
But to say someone has an issue because they arent enjoying working full time and raising two toddlers needs to re-read what they wrote i think.
On another note a friend of mine who has twins let me know today over coffee that she has cancer. It was more bad news but sort of put things into perspective for me for a bit.
That's not what I said. THIS is what I said:
I'm going to tell you this. When I had preschoolers, my life was the most joyful it's ever been. If you are not enjoying preschoolers, it's time to rethink your life, IMHO.
And I stand by that statement, 100%. If you have healthy mainstream little ones, whose behavior is average, you need to rethink your priorities if you don't enjoy them. And I mean that very sincerely. You will SO regret that you didn't stop and enjoy these children when they're grown. If you pretty much resented all the attention they required. And they do require a lot of attention. All the time.
No one enjoys every moment with preschoolers. Obviously. But this is life. These are your precious children. You're going to Disney with them next week. THIS IS A LOVELY LIFE YOU'RE LIVING. And if you wish it away and resent every moment of it, you'll be so very sad and will have missed so much. You're throwing happiness away with both hands.
Best.
PS. I haven't slept through the night much at all since my first child was born. FIRST, I had three kids who needed attention at various times in their early childhood. THEN, they grew into teenagers and I'd lay awake until I heard them return home at midnight. Or later. Or dawn. And now I have a dog who is up 3X a night to go to the bathroom because he has health issues. Which he has had for 8 years. Welcome to the club, sister. ;D You can choose to resent every minute of your great life, or you can choose to embrace the joy of it.
Oh i'm sure I"m going to look back and wish i was happier while children were little ones are as now. I think about that all the time...but it doesn't change how I feel right now. I have yelled at them and i already feel terrible about it. They absolutely deserve a happier mom.
I've always heard having kids is hard but i had no idea how hard it actually is...especially having them 22 months apart. I'm perhaps someone who should have had ONE child or spread them apart more but here we are. Don't get me wrong I love them more than anything and they are what keeps me going....but this is harder than i had expected. I really thought having kids would be fun and joyful but unfortunately it's not all that I thought it would be. My job is pretty demanding and I'm just miserable doing all of this but i really cant quit my job because we need my income. I also am afraid to quit because who knows what the job market will be like when i was ready to go back. We're in boston which is expensive and the job market is good but very competitive. Competing with all the Havard/MIT grads and beyond. Boston has really become a not easy place to live.
Oh i'm sure I"m going to look back and wish i was happier while children were little ones are as now. I think about that all the time...but it doesn't change how I feel right now. I have yelled at them and i already feel terrible about it. They absolutely deserve a happier mom.
I've always heard having kids is hard but i had no idea how hard it actually is...especially having them 22 months apart. I'm perhaps someone who should have had ONE child or spread them apart more but here we are. Don't get me wrong I love them more than anything and they are what keeps me going....but this is harder than i had expected. I really thought having kids would be fun and joyful but unfortunately it's not all that I thought it would be. My job is pretty demanding and I'm just miserable doing all of this but i really cant quit my job because we need my income. I also am afraid to quit because who knows what the job market will be like when i was ready to go back. We're in boston which is expensive and the job market is good but very competitive. Competing with all the Havard/MIT grads and beyond. Boston has really become a not easy place to live.
I really do understand. Being a married mom, and then a single mom of one was very difficult for me. I just wasn't very good at it, but I had to do it anyway. I really don't know how people manage with more. It didn't look that hard, haha. Nobody warns you ahead of time. Or maybe they did, and I wasn't listening, lol. Having kids was just something you did. I didn't know there were any options.
You must have a higher paying job than average from what you said. A long time ago I read that after you add up all the expenditures of working vs staying at home it wasn't worth it to work. But if you are making beaucoup bucks that comparison wouldn't be as obvious.
I was going to say you could save money by not paying for child care, and being a stay at home mom. Then there are the transportation costs you could add in. Eating out for lunch. Clothes for work, blah, blah, blah. The time it takes to commute makes a long day longer adding at least 2hrs to the day. Some jobs you can do at home, but the kids would probably make that more difficult. But sit down, and make a list of what you spend for work, and compare it to what you make to see if all this trouble, and exhaustion is worth it. You hate that job anyway. Make it work.
But first you must take a good, hard look at all the things you think you must have to be happy, and kick them to the curb!!! Wants vs needs. And forget "whatshername". And find a way to cut back on the bills you have. Then you can add that to the first column. Like how much are you paying for cable? Is there a cheaper way? Are your cars new? Those car payments can eat you alive along with higher insurance, and maintenence. Hubby could get a little p/t job so you could stay home, and not send the kids away to be raised by someone else. But then he will be tired, and need your love, and support. You are running yourself ragged trying to keep up with the Joneses. To heck with the Joneses! They aren't paying your bills.
If you can change just a few things along with changing your mind set about what is truly important in life you could do a lot. Cuz what you are doing now is not working. Doing the same thing, and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity . I know, I've been there.
I'm the first to admit that someone can be an actual new poster even though their story and posting style are identical to another - so no harm done.
What I'm saying is, your story is the exact story that was posted here before, right down to the cousin you were jealous of being the 3rd sister, going to an ivy league school, then getting kicked out, and then getting in to a lesser but still good school all on the parent's dime, and then marrying someone rich and always being the family darling, etc.. And the worst thing that stuck in the poster's craw was marrying someone rich in the last several years.
Your story is exactly the same, without one single detail changed in your entire lengthy post.
But I'm sincere in saying that doesn't mean you are the same poster.
Not sure if I'd call that a prior post, since it's the same day, isn't it?
What's the beef about her posting it in two different categories? Maybe she forgot she did that one in response to someone else's thread.
i haven't had a chance to read everything but did want to respond to Clara's 'everyone should find the most joy in their life in their toddlers and if you don't there is something wrong with you statement.' I am aware there is something not right with me right now but it has not to do with not loving every moment of my 2 and and 4 year old. There is VERY little they can do on their own. Anytime i sit down my 2 year old is in my lap ripping open my shirt to nurse or someone is crying and there a 1000 things i need to do. They are often doing things they shouldnt be doing.
I havent slept through the night in 4 years. My husband and i dont sleep in the same bed because our kids want us in bed with them.
I am not saying i dont enjoy certain things with them. There are 1000s of things about them then make me smile and i realize these are precious years but they are HARD. Perhaps you are looking back and only remembering the good which is great.
But to say someone has an issue because they arent enjoying working full time and raising two toddlers needs to re-read what they wrote i think.
On another note a friend of mine who has twins let me know today over coffee that she has cancer. It was more bad news but sort of put things into perspective for me for a bit.
why arent you sleeping through the night with a 2&4 year old??? And sleeping in their beds??? No wonder you are having issues.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,629 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50652
Quote:
Originally Posted by lologal321
Oh i'm sure I"m going to look back and wish i was happier while children were little ones are as now. I think about that all the time...but it doesn't change how I feel right now. I have yelled at them and i already feel terrible about it. They absolutely deserve a happier mom.
I've always heard having kids is hard but i had no idea how hard it actually is...especially having them 22 months apart. I'm perhaps someone who should have had ONE child or spread them apart more but here we are. Don't get me wrong I love them more than anything and they are what keeps me going....but this is harder than i had expected. I really thought having kids would be fun and joyful but unfortunately it's not all that I thought it would be. My job is pretty demanding and I'm just miserable doing all of this but i really cant quit my job because we need my income. I also am afraid to quit because who knows what the job market will be like when i was ready to go back. We're in boston which is expensive and the job market is good but very competitive. Competing with all the Havard/MIT grads and beyond. Boston has really become a not easy place to live.
Deep breath in, deep breath out, lologal. Your kids do deserve a happy mom, and all you have to do is stop yelling at them. Just stop. Really. How you feel doesn't drive how you behave.
You deserve to be happy, your husband deserves to be happy, and so do your kids. So go, and enjoy your Disney Vacation. Picture the way a happy mom would do it, and do it that way.
Deep breath in, deep breath out, lologal. Your kids do deserve a happy mom, and all you have to do is stop yelling at them. Just stop. Really. How you feel doesn't drive how you behave.
You deserve to be happy, your husband deserves to be happy, and so do your kids. So go, and enjoy your Disney Vacation. Picture the way a happy mom would do it, and do it that way.
You'll be happier for it.
Best.
Yeah, it should be a blast. It will truly be a wonder for them. Just don't let them get close to the water. Remember the alligator thing that happened there. Sorry to bring it up . I know, I worry too much .
I've always thought that around age 3 was the best. They can carry on little conversations with you. And some of what they say is so insightful. There is this small window of time where they actually think we are smart. It fades away fairly quickly. Enjoy it while you can. Have a great trip.
Jealousy is like cancer. It sucks the energy out of you and eventually will ruin your life if you don't change.
First of all she does not have as great life as you think, money does not guarantee happiness especially when
you marry into because it always comes with strings. It always looks better from the outside. Go to therapy and get help before it ruins your life. It is fixation you have and you cannot get over it. We only can control our own life's and make the best of it only think about what makes you and your family happy.
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. I know, I've been there.
. I know, I worry too much 
.
