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All of this talk about different cultures and Latin versus Russian and being touchy-feely or not is beside the point. The relevant issue is that the OP and his friend had established their own custom with each other, wherein they would hug each other when saying goodbye. So I think the OP is reasonable for expecting to receive a hug when saying goodbye. If the friend had grown tired of their custom, it was incumbent upon him to find a tactful way of letting the OP know, instead of just walking away and leaving the OP with open, empty arms.
Now that it's done, I would suggest that the OP suppress his likely desire to hug his friend the next time he sees him. Just stand there and say hi. If the friend initiates a hug, I would recommend that the OP return it, but then bring up a discussion about the apparent mixed messages, and ask the friend how he would be comfortable proceeding in the future.
I think this is a great suggestion. Will follow this.
Well, he clearly got your goat, didn’t he? Now that he knows how to pull your string, he’ll probably do it again.
My advice? Drop this. Move on. Hold yourself in check with this guy and see how things develop.
He is probably enjoying this a little, especially since he has a thing for you.
Yeah, I am dropping it. Over it by this point. Really is petty be it if he did it out of spite or be it my reaction, this is a non-issue at the end of the day.
Doesn't the poster have a good point who mentioned how the departing friend who had exited the vehicle would need to bend down awkwardly and reach into the vehicle for a hug have a lot to do additionally with the departing friend not wanting to do that awkward position to hug - if we're understanding correctly?
That awkward position of bending down into the vehicle and reaching forward for a physically awkward hug could hurt a person's back - and it was completely unnecessary - and most probably aggravating/annoying to be asked to do so.
Last edited by matisse12; 05-22-2018 at 03:50 PM..
Doesn't the poster have a good point who mentioned how the departing friend who had exited the vehicle would need to bend down awkwardly and reach into the vehicle for a hug have a lot to do additionally with the departing friend not wanting to do that awkward position to hug - if we're understanding correctly?
That awkward position of bending down into the vehicle and reaching forward for a physically awkward hug could hurt a person's back - and it was completely unnecessary - and most probably aggravating/annoying to be asked to do so.
It's not that hard to hug in the car.
The friend made it a point to reject the hug by moving away when the arms open. According to the OP, the friend was looking at him as he was moving away and out the car so it's not like he wasn't expecting/unaware. The friend already made a decision to do a haughty rejection when they've arrived at his place. The hug isn't the problem, it's this decision that reeks of passive aggression.
I thought the friend had already exited the car when a hug was asked for.
But even it the friend had not already exited the car and was still in the car, he was moving away and out of the car, so it was an annoying request.
"Request"? I see on this thread and the other thread, you're not really a hugger. I hug my friends goodbye, it's just something that's done (we're not Latino, though there are a couple Latino/a friends). We just hug before setting out.
There's been times when the other person got distracted or whatever, so the person with their arms open would be like "Don't leave me hanging! (Lol)". That's how I took the OP when he inquired. But again, the friend already made a decision to reject it in such fashion-- that's the more annoying part, IMO.
Inkpoe, pertaining to the request which you question, have you heard of non-verbal cues? It apparently was a non-verbal cue from the complaining friend who signaled for a hug with out-stretched arms.
Also, the point is that hugs in the U.S. culture have rampantly taken over all good sense, manners, customs to a repugnant level where people who do not even know each other hug out of forced social practices, and people throw themselves at others, before a person can even prevent it, to carry out the ridiculous practice of hugging 'everyone'.
Inkpoe, pertaining to the request which you question, have you heard of non-verbal cues? It apparently was a non-verbal cue from the complaining friend who signaled for a hug with out-stretched arms.
Ok?
What exactly would your position here be if the OP instead has said goodbye to his friend, only to be met with a mean look or a dismissive scoff before him walking off? You don't think the OP would still be WTH? Have you had a friend that randomly blows hot-cold and acts passive aggressive?
Their personal history together does muddy up the waters, but it does sound like the friend cannot really handle the direction where their lives and friendship is going and is acting up. The OP probably is going to be in the position soon where he's going to have to end/pause the friendship because the friend's behavior is showing he's not ready to be a friend right now. Communication is key, and it also works both ways.
Quote:
Also, the point is that hugs in the U.S. culture have rampantly taken over all good sense, manners, customs to a repugnant level where people who do not even know each other hug out of forced social practices, and people throw themselves at others, before a person can even prevent it, to carry out the ridiculous practice of hugging 'everyone'.
Doesn't apply to here. They're supposed to be friends and there's a history of hugging. If the friend doesn't like it, again he needs to communicate his discomfort, rather than throwing a cold shoulder and being dismissive. He could've used the opportunity to respond back to the OP to explain... but instead, he replies with an emoticon. Which doesn't add anything to the discussion. He doesn't address anything.
I don't agree with your view about the ... I guess, the societal hug trend. I just don't see it. I've never ever once hugged a stranger. I must be missing out.
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