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I've got a pile of siblings but we don't have a lot in common, and our parents used to kind of play us off one another when we were growing up, which made it hard to bond. We get along fine as adults, but most of us aren't particularly close to one another.
I'm an only child, and the OP's question baffles me too. Childhood was a very lonely experience for me (friends just aren't the same as siblings at home). I also grew up in a very authoritarian, borderline-dysfunctional family, the after-effects of which I'm reeling from to this day. A sibling my age would have helped me in ways a union helps rank-and-file workers: authorities are more likely to listen to a group than one person. As opposed to me being the only outlet for my family's control, and having all the expectations heaped on me.
I would sell---make that "give away"!---my soul to have same-age siblings while growing up. Preferably brothers (so we could play the same games), but sisters would have been nice too. They would have "watered down" the toxicity I was growing up in. Not to mention, loneliness wouldn't have been as big a factor in my life as it was.
That's your fantasy of life in a large family. I grew up in a large family, under a very authoritarian and full-blown dysfunctional father. My mother was terrorized by him, too. It was like growing up in a hostage situation. In your fantasy, the "authorities are more likely to listen to a group than one person." In my reality of a large family, any child who spoke up or spoke back to our father would get an especially vicious physical punishment. We siblings couldn't help each other, and our mother couldn't help us much, either. She was a very gentle and loving person, but she was no match for his reign of terror.
There was no "union" of siblings, even though we were all basically a year apart. My mother was always either nursing a newborn or pregnant, for more than a decade. The best we could do for each other was not tell where the others were hiding. We all had our own special hiding places. I still have nightmares about being in my special hiding place while he rages and screams and searches for me. It was horrible knowing that he could do anything he wanted with us, treat us as badly as he wanted. He owned us.
In short, my grown brothers and sisters are wonderful and accomplished people, and I have nothing but the best will toward them. However, I don't know them very well and seldom see them. We all have PTSD to varying degrees. We all left that house as soon as possible, scattered, and never went back.
My sister and brother-in-law, my 2 nieces, and several cousins are Jesus and God crazy. and they speak a different language than I (Tantric Buddhist) so that's one explanation. And then there's the astrological differences.
I'm having trouble deciding if you are entirely serious about speaking Tantric Buddhist. I could see that being spoken at a Buddhist temple, but not as a daily life.
Your astrological reference is obviously a tease.
I get the Crazy for Christ stuff. I mean I don't get it but I get it, y'know? Psychological phenomenon.
My sister and I live on opposite coasts and have for many years though we were together for a few years.
Now that she has kids, I rarely see her or even talk to her, but we're still close.
I agree with OP. There's kind of a bond that 'should' happen between siblings and parents and children, where it's kind of an unconditional, "I'll be there for you" but it doesn't always happen, even with parents and children.
It's unfortunate because I find friends aren't really there for you. I mean if you're lucky to have a few close ones, they kind of are, but if they have their own nuclear family ... and their own brothers and sisters and parents, then that leaves not too much time and energy for you.
I don't understand why so many siblings aren't close into adulthood. You grow up together and share the same blood and parents. What happens?
There can be many reasons, as others here have explained, but it's a sad thing all the same.
I'm happy to be close with my sister, even though we live in different places, have different interests, tastes and beliefs, and are 13 years apart in age.
my sister and I are 16 yrs apart and she lives on a different coast and she was my mothers favorite and she pit us against each other and making us compete for attention after I reached high school I said forget it I don't compete for anything anymore . My brother is deceased because of an accident and my other brother died of stomach cancer . Life happens and some siblings just don't get along and it seems like those that do cannot understand that .
I take care of my nearly 88yo father in his house. Kinda looking forward to his passing so I don't have to deal with my two surviving sisters ever again. (oldest died from opiate addiction two years ago and my other sisters ignored it. ) I got ignored at family gatherings for over 3 years because they chose the addict over me.... I kept saying look at the addict, she needs help.... Nope.... I was the bad guy for even mentioning it..... so screw them.
my sister and I are 16 yrs apart and she lives on a different coast and she was my mothers favorite and she pit us against each other and making us compete for attention after I reached high school I said forget it I don't compete for anything anymore . My brother is deceased because of an accident and my other brother died of stomach cancer . Life happens and some siblings just don't get along and it seems like those that do cannot understand that .
That's a shame when a parent has an obvious favorite. My own parents never showed any favoritism, and I was always thoughtful enough to never ask my parents if they loved me or my sister more. I would hope they'd say "equally" even if it were a lie. To be honest, I think I gave my parents a lot more satisfaction and pretty sure they favored me. I had the decency to graduate college and pay rent for a year and then moved out, never again to ask them for anything but love and companionship. (I so love that I even double-dated with my parents!!!) My sister was always a thorn, and as far as I know took money from our mother long after my father passed. My sister is a tool. I'm pretty sure my parents loved me more, and I'm glad I'm man enough that I never put my parents on the spot with such a question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimG2
I take care of my nearly 88yo father in his house. Kinda looking forward to his passing so I don't have to deal with my two surviving sisters ever again. (oldest died from opiate addiction two years ago and my other sisters ignored it. ) I got ignored at family gatherings for over 3 years because they chose the addict over me.... I kept saying look at the addict, she needs help.... Nope.... I was the bad guy for even mentioning it..... so screw them.
Sometimes people need to be told where to get off, although I am thinking a different phrase I can't use in this forum.
Ok,I'm the middle child between 2 brothers,8 years difference between the older and myself,he was ALWAYS stand-offish with a superior attitude,never felt close,was always close to my younger brother..
Anyway,our parents died within 2 years of each in the late 60s,I was 12 and 14 respectively, YB was 5 years younger.
I guess being the girl,I feel I would've handled things differently but we were shipped out to Long Island to live with our stepmother,who,coincidentally was separated from my dad after a very short,turbulent marriage.
Our extended family was all on Staten Island and as I found out later were more than happy to step up for our care.
We wound up living in a very bad situation with no contact whatsoever with our older sibling,at the end of the school year,we were packed into her sons car and dropped off at our uncle's because she couldn't cope with the stress,which turned out to be a blessing.
I asked him about this after we had a reunion in 2004 due to younger brothers genealogy efforts,I have had no contact since 2010.
My younger brother was very close to me and very hands on in my kids lives.
In 2003,he married his partner,this man is a raging alcoholic as well as being bipolar and has caused major changes to my brothers life.
He said some vile things to my daughter after her father's passing during a very difficult time in my life,that was apologized for,although the relationship stayed strained.
Act 2 began in October 2017,when this piece of crap posted on Facebook that my kids and I should rot in he'll because my husband had told my brother he couldn't watch our son because he was gay,which is laughable because my brother lived in our home and frequently babysat my kids and is my sons godfather.
I chalked it up to a drunken rant (fell off the wagon)
but I had enough, messaged my brother that he needed to do something about this toxic person or I was cutting all ties and I received no reply.
It saddens me that my brother with whom I weathered many a storm is estranged from me and my family and although he's only 3 hours away,I haven't seen in 8 years.
That's your fantasy of life in a large family. I grew up in a large family, under a very authoritarian and full-blown dysfunctional father. My mother was terrorized by him, too. It was like growing up in a hostage situation. In your fantasy, the "authorities are more likely to listen to a group than one person." In my reality of a large family, any child who spoke up or spoke back to our father would get an especially vicious physical punishment. We siblings couldn't help each other, and our mother couldn't help us much, either. She was a very gentle and loving person, but she was no match for his reign of terror.
There was no "union" of siblings, even though we were all basically a year apart. My mother was always either nursing a newborn or pregnant, for more than a decade. The best we could do for each other was not tell where the others were hiding. We all had our own special hiding places. I still have nightmares about being in my special hiding place while he rages and screams and searches for me. It was horrible knowing that he could do anything he wanted with us, treat us as badly as he wanted. He owned us.
In short, my grown brothers and sisters are wonderful and accomplished people, and I have nothing but the best will toward them. However, I don't know them very well and seldom see them. We all have PTSD to varying degrees. We all left that house as soon as possible, scattered, and never went back.
What a horrible situation. I'm curious if your mother ever got away from the monster that she married?
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Sometimes people need to be told where to get off, although I am thinking a different phrase I can't use in this forum. 
