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How odd. I'm a stickler for etiquette, and no, you don't include a personal note in a graduation announcement. I mean, I guess you could, but that's like you could also send a sandwich with the announcement.
I strongly suspect he's jealous of the achievement - did he graduate? Does he have kids who didn't?
He is a doctor, his daughter doesn't speak to him anymore. He is a very old school Italian man that treats women as if they are less. He is a horrible human being. I just have never in my life been spoken to or treated like this by someone (other than my parents).
I would let it go. First of all, you have enough on your plate already. Saying something is only going to stir up your emotions. Secondly, you're not going to change his mind anyway. You do need to make sure your son sends him a thank you for the money (I'm sure that's the plan, just sayin')
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
I'm sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but I think high school graduation announcements are tacky. To me, they are no more than a gift grab. So OP, when was the last time you spoke to your uncle,and asked him how he was? If it's been as long as I suspect, then I'm on his side. A plain announcement with no note to somebody with no real relationship to the graduate shouldn't have been sent in the first place. I woudn't have responded in the manner your uncle did, I just put those announcements in the "round file" and forget about them.
Let it go.
IMHO, unless your son, the graduate, had regular contact with his great uncle he should not have sent him a graduation announcement. When is the last time that your son called his great uncle or sent him an email or letter? I bet that you are going to say "Never". Then why should your son send him an announcement (which many people interpret as asking for a gift?)
In fact, how often do you call your uncle, just to chat and see how he is doing or send him a newsy email or letter or invite him for a meal with your family?
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-28-2018 at 06:09 PM..
This is a perfect time to deflect his irrational behavior with a response he is probably not expecting. I would be very tempted to reply with something like:
Dear Uncle,
Thank you so much for your kind note marking Son's graduation. He has worked very hard and we are all very proud of him. I am sure he will carry your words with him as a reminder of your place in his life and will always recall how you responded to this significant milestone in his life.
Bless your heart.
(If he's from the South, he'll know what "bless your heart" means.)
Use your imagination. Tell him you are all enriched and energized by his unique point of view. Thank him for sharing. It should be possible to come up with all sorts of comments that appear to be complimentary but upon reflection let him know you consider him to be a jerk. It isn't always necessary to respond with angry words to put a bully in his place.
After that, you might want to consider limiting contact with Uncle or cutting him off completely. His response was entirely inappropriate and just downright mean and hateful.
On the other hand, just ignoring the note and having Son write a thank you note as if it was just a normal gift as others have suggested might accomplish the same thing. In any event, he has shown you what he is, so now you can decide how much contact you want to have with someone like that.
I think no response from you will be better. Your son can write a very brief note thanking me. You stay totally silent. It will drive him wild!
^^^This in spades.
Definitely a (short) thank you note from your son is in order, but nothing from you. Not. A. Word. Don't give him the attention/validation he is seeking. Let this roll down your back.
You will laugh about this at some point in the future (I know you are spitting fire right now though).
Oh come on, this is crazy - I would be laughing my ass off. This isn't worth the headspace you're giving it. Send the check back saying you had no intention of obtaining money through duress, but thanks for the thought. And then just have a giggle. I mean what old guy sits there quoting Emily freakin' Post? What a fussbudget!
On a more serious note, is this typical behavior? Or is there possibly some dementia going on? I am hyperfocused on stuff like this due to my father's issues, but it is something to consider.
Since when has sharing good news (the graduation of a beloved son) become so abhorrent? Sheesh!
OP, don't stoop to his level. Just be sure to send a college graduation announcement with one of those sure to irritate Christmas-like newsletters. He asked for it; he gets more than he bargained for!
From now on be sweet as pie. IOW, kill him with kindness and more good news!
p.s. Consider getting him a really nice gift a little more than the $ he gave your son. Send it with warm regards. He'll feel like shyte, and you'll feel like a million bucks, and come out smelling/looking like an angel. Win/win!
IMHO, unless your son, the graduate, had regular contact with his great uncle he should not have sent him a graduation announcement. When is the last time that your son called his great uncle or sent him an email or letter? I bet that you are going to say "Never". Then why should your son send him an announcement (which many people interpret as asking for a gift?)
In fact, how often do you call your uncle, just to chat and see how he is doing or send him a newsy email or letter or invite him for a meal with your family?
I sent the announcements and not my son. Our family is not that close.
That said last year my Uncle asked my son to do a project for him and he would pay him. My son spent hours putting together a computer program. My Uncle didn’t thank him and didn’t pay him.
In my group of friends and family announcements are sent, nothing is expected.
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