Anyone else annoyed by the expression 'just friends?' (person, house, abuse)

[scribbles76]

To me it devalues friendship and implies that the only relationships of any worth or endurance are either bonded by blood or those in which the participants are knocking boots.

I am fortunate to have enjoyed many long friendships in this life. While I don't always do everything I could to nurture them and distance or circumstance can keep us from being as close as we might, I value these people immensely. Why should that kind of relationship be regarded as second best?

One of my friends has recently coupled up for the first time in quite a while. I congratulated her on this and said 'we all deserve someone who gets us and brings out our best.' She responded 'even if it's only platonic I hope you find the same thing for yourself.'

Only platonic? Why think of that as a consolation prize? Plato himself considered it an ideal and so do I.

[Cida]

Interesting point. I wonder if the expression is used equally by both genders, or mostly women.

[treemoni]

Although the phrase doesn't bother me, I definitely agree with your first paragraph. People do not value friendships the way they value other relationships. IMO, it explains why so many people are terrible partners! Family/friendships are safe spaces where ideally, you learn to be a good partner. Too many people want their marriages/partnerships to fill their every need. Not how it's supposed to work, and honestly puts a lot of pressure on both parties.

[greatblueheron]

I see....you feel it is the same as "mere"

just friend...mere friend..vs just really good friend etc.

could be taken either way, depending on voice inflection.

[hertfordshire]

I don't let it bother me, because I recognize that the English language is flawed and limited, and because of this, context has to be taken into consideration. Most of the time, the context in which "just" is used is meant to explain that the relationship is not one of a more intense degree, usually specifically not of a sexual or romantic nature.

[wasel]

Actually, you were the one who put romantic relationships on a higher rung when you said

Originally Posted by scribbles76

'we all deserve someone who gets us and brings out our best.'

I mean, have you ever congratulated her for meeting a great friend?

[scribbles76]

I have, as it happens. With an inner sigh of relief whenever someone other than me ends up on her 'person to text every random thought to' list.

[Gfab1]

No, because I have always viewed the expression as it was (well) explained above by Hertfordshire. People use the word "just" in that way all the time.

For example:
"Are you taking a vacation day on your birthday?"
"No, I'm just going to work."
A person who says that is generally not implying that they think work is less important than taking a day off. There are many other situations where one might add the word "just," (sometimes to express "instead of" or "only") the above is just (lol) one example.

[NJBoy3]

Great thread.

As for the knocking boots thing. From my experience that does not lead to friendship. But it did once. Quality girl.

I have only had a handful of true friends in my lifetime. Down to one now, grateful.

Friends nurture each other. Unless raised in such a household most people do not have a clue.

[Themanwithnoname]

No, I just recognize it as the woman expecting the guy to "do everything for her" while being blatant about the fact that she intends to use and abuse him while keeping him at arms length. (At least she's upfront honest about it.)

BTDT, I avoid them now. (Its HILLARIOUS THOUGH to watch them expect to have you pay their way, while you do the "what, why would I do that.... We are just friends" line on them!)
Lol