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I sometimes regret not blasting my mother when she was alive. I wrote her a letter once, about a specific incident. I politely explained how it made me feel, and said I didn't like being treated that way.
She never mentioned the letter, but next time I saw her, she told the story of how her career was ruined when she discovered she was pregnant. She mentioned the age of my older siblings, so I was clearly the life-ruining fetus. She felt safe being nasty because my brother was there. (Not that I would get physical, she didn't want to hear whatever I might say.)
Mom kept on being herself, and I put more and more distance between us. I didn't speak to her the last three years of her life, and didn't go to her funeral. I don't regret either of those things.
Be nice or be nasty, people like that aren't going to change. Go ahead and yell at her. She deserves it. Then move away and don't get sucked back in.
I haven't ever told anyone off like that. But I also don't keep things bottled up to the point I blow up. I tell people when they are acting badly, some people really don't have a clue. If they continue then I generally follow up with a letter telling them what will happen next (calling the police, calling the management company, etc). I've never had to do more than write the letter, things usually stop.
I'd hate being in the OP's situation of loud neighbors. I'd probably move because it's not really fixable long term.
Just sold a property with crappy neighbors on both sides. One who burned trash in her backyard giving me a headache and it's illegal. I dropped off the county brochure stating it was illegal and wrote her husband the letter. She stopped. Other neighbor was weird in a different way, told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore. Didn't sell because of them specifically but glad to be done with them.
Yes there are non-neighbors I could tell off (some relatives for example) but really not worth it. They know that I know and that's all that's necessary. Losing my temper means they win.
My wife and I were back home visiting my family for Thanksgiving probably in 2005 and took a night to have dinner with friends who live about an hour away.
On the way, around 11 pm, on a dark, deserted stretch of highway, a car came flying up behind me and then, camped on the rear bumper of our rental car, tailgating me.
I really hate that **** especially at night in deer country. Normally, i’ll simply drop the right side wheels off the road on the shoulder and throw up rocks and crap on the guy behind me. That really moves them back.
But I didn’t. Not this time.
Instead, I kept my cool knowing there was a passing lane several miles up the road. When we got to that passing lane. I stayed right and slowed as he passed me. It was a county deputy sheriff.
I lost it. I started flashing my lights at him and blowing my horn until he pulled over and when he did, I killed my headlights and got out with my hands in plain site. I expressed my unhappiness in ways you can’t imagine. To say I was pissed was an understatement.
He managed some weak-ass excuse about my plates not being right and that just set me off again. “If you have an issue, PULL ME OVER and I’ll be happy to show you the rental paper and my license BUT DO NOT TAILGATE ME IN DEER COUNTY FOR 3 F’N MILES.”
I know I repeated that at least five times.
He gave me a weak apology and we both returned to our cars. When I was safely back in Phoenix, I called and talked to the county sheriff. I was a bit more calm and respectful but, still mad. Of course, I had the deputy’s name and the sheriff apologized saying he would have a conversation with his man.
If this weren’t my home town and if I didn’t know the DA and if I didn’t grow up with our local judges, I might have reacted differently. Lol.
I always found it hard to speak up..... back in the day, a well brought up young lady didn't lash out at people and never talked back to her parents, was supposed to be seen and not heard...... as an only child, the onus was even harsher to behave, to not rock the boat, it took me years, well into my forties, to finally speak my truth and go my own way in life and i have never looked back.... and now, once wronged? those people never get a second chance to be around me. i had to learn the hard way that if i didn't stand up for myself and my beliefs, respect myself, certainly no one else would. if anything, i suppose, truth be told, I am just as harsh as my once "masters" were. I guard my life extremely well.
I sometimes regret not blasting my mother when she was alive. I wrote her a letter once, about a specific incident. I politely explained how it made me feel, and said I didn't like being treated that way.
She never mentioned the letter, but next time I saw her, she told the story of how her career was ruined when she discovered she was pregnant. She mentioned the age of my older siblings, so I was clearly the life-ruining fetus. She felt safe being nasty because my brother was there. (Not that I would get physical, she didn't want to hear whatever I might say.)
Mom kept on being herself, and I put more and more distance between us. I didn't speak to her the last three years of her life, and didn't go to her funeral. I don't regret either of those things.
Be nice or be nasty, people like that aren't going to change. Go ahead and yell at her. She deserves it. Then move away and don't get sucked back in.
i remember my mom telling me as an adult i was in my 30s she was in her 60s, explaining to me very clearly, not only saying yes of course she preferred my brother instead of me, she also went on to list in explicit detail all the reasons she liked him better than me and why he was better than me so that of course he was the favorite
we were estranged for decades. she now has dementia and is in a memory care unit well taken care of. and i too will not be attending her funeral.
i remember my mom telling me as an adult i was in my 30s she was in her 60s, explaining to me very clearly, not only saying yes of course she preferred my brother instead of me, she also went on to list in explicit detail all the reasons she liked him better than me and why he was better than me so that of course he was the favorite
we were estranged for decades. she now has dementia and is in a memory care unit well taken care of. and i too will not be attending her funeral.
Mom: "Why can't you be more like your sister?"
Me (in my head): "Why can't you treat me more like my sister?"
I told my MIL off when she said that she expected each of her six kids to contribute $100 per month to her "vacation fund" -- which would have amounted to $7,200 per year. This was AFTER she blew all of her deceased husband's life insurance money on designer clothes, an expensive car, and dinners out, and my husband and I were both working full-time with very little extra to spare.
So, yes, I did tell her off (via letter), and I felt great afterward!!
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