Ever tell someone off? I did, and it feel great! (person, divorced)
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I have finally told off both my mother and my next door neighbor after taking their crap for years, and boy, does it feel good!
My mother is 5 foot tall, if that, and makes up for it by being very domineering and overbearing to the point of being outright rude. I am currently struggling with trying to be more assertive and enforcing boundaries, and this woman makes it very difficult. She will take something without asking for it, lend something of mine without my permission, come to my house when I ask her not to, and so on. I recently had some very upsetting things happen to me, and as a result my fuse is a lot shorter and I have zero patience. When she once again insisted on doing something against my wishes, I told her that she has been overstepping my boundaries my whole life and I am sick and tired of it. She got mad, of course, but I got so tired of holding it in.
My next door neighbor is a teacher same age as I am, and she has a very abrasive personality. When she first moved in I did not talk to her for two years because she was rude the first day I met her. So a couple or three years ago she decides to try to be my friend. She is divorced and has new guys in and out of her house all the time and runs to me when they break up with her. I have taken her to my old watering hole and guy after guy told me she was rude. She would shush me while I was talking and say some really ignorant things. Well, just like I did with my mother, I told her off. I told her that she needed to watch her attitude with me because I am not one of the kids she teaches. She is not talking to me, but I do not care and it felt so good to say.
I have finally told off both my mother and my next door neighbor after taking their crap for years, and boy, does it feel good!
My mother is 5 foot tall, if that, and makes up for it by being very domineering and overbearing to the point of being outright rude. I am currently struggling with trying to be more assertive and enforcing boundaries, and this woman makes it very difficult. She will take something without asking for it, lend something of mine without my permission, come to my house when I ask her not to, and so on. I recently had some very upsetting things happen to me, and as a result my fuse is a lot shorter and I have zero patience. When she once again insisted on doing something against my wishes, I told her that she has been overstepping my boundaries my whole life and I am sick and tired of it. She got mad, of course, but I got so tired of holding it in.
My next door neighbor is a teacher same age as I am, and she has a very abrasive personality. When she first moved in I did not talk to her for two years because she was rude the first day I met her. So a couple or three years ago she decides to try to be my friend. She is divorced and has new guys in and out of her house all the time and runs to me when they break up with her. I have taken her to my old watering hole and guy after guy told me she was rude. She would shush me while I was talking and say some really ignorant things. Well, just like I did with my mother, I told her off. I told her that she needed to watch her attitude with me because I am not one of the kids she teaches. She is not talking to me, but I do not care and it felt so good to say.
What about you guys?
Good for you! My mother is the same way. Thankfully, we live over 1000 miles apart. I tried with the boundaries and it worked short term and then she started the guilt trips and criticizing again, so as of a couple weeks ago, no more contact.
I have finally told off both my mother and my next door neighbor after taking their crap for years, and boy, does it feel good!
My mother is 5 foot tall, if that, and makes up for it by being very domineering and overbearing to the point of being outright rude. I am currently struggling with trying to be more assertive and enforcing boundaries, and this woman makes it very difficult. She will take something without asking for it, lend something of mine without my permission, come to my house when I ask her not to, and so on. I recently had some very upsetting things happen to me, and as a result my fuse is a lot shorter and I have zero patience. When she once again insisted on doing something against my wishes, I told her that she has been overstepping my boundaries my whole life and I am sick and tired of it. She got mad, of course, but I got so tired of holding it in.
My next door neighbor is a teacher same age as I am, and she has a very abrasive personality. When she first moved in I did not talk to her for two years because she was rude the first day I met her. So a couple or three years ago she decides to try to be my friend. She is divorced and has new guys in and out of her house all the time and runs to me when they break up with her. I have taken her to my old watering hole and guy after guy told me she was rude. She would shush me while I was talking and say some really ignorant things. Well, just like I did with my mother, I told her off. I told her that she needed to watch her attitude with me because I am not one of the kids she teaches. She is not talking to me, but I do not care and it felt so good to say.
What about you guys?
While I understand that it felt good, your anger is misdirected. I do realize that your mother and neighbor have gotten on your nerves for years, but it still seems unfair to them.
Setting boundaries is tough if you are powerless it is even harder
At any rate angry venting is not boundary setting
Perhaps empowerment would be -get a job -move out -stop going to bars -and find somebody who is not just like your mother -to date
Setting boundaries is tough if you are powerless it is even harder
At any rate angry venting is not boundary setting
Perhaps empowerment would be -get a job -move out -stop going to bars -and find somebody who is not just like your mother -to date
This.
The venting was good in that Mom (and neighbor) now know how the OP felt ~ at the time. It does not mean that she will have chosen to learn a real lesson, thus the boundaries may still get crossed. My own mother was a lot like hers, and I did "blow up" at her after 2 decades, but I could have lived near her for 100 years and it still wouldn't have changed much. I moved far away, it was the only real solution.
I have finally told off both my mother and my next door neighbor after taking their crap for years, and boy, does it feel good!
My mother is 5 foot tall, if that, and makes up for it by being very domineering and overbearing to the point of being outright rude. I am currently struggling with trying to be more assertive and enforcing boundaries, and this woman makes it very difficult. She will take something without asking for it, lend something of mine without my permission, come to my house when I ask her not to, and so on. I recently had some very upsetting things happen to me, and as a result my fuse is a lot shorter and I have zero patience. When she once again insisted on doing something against my wishes, I told her that she has been overstepping my boundaries my whole life and I am sick and tired of it. She got mad, of course, but I got so tired of holding it in.
My next door neighbor is a teacher same age as I am, and she has a very abrasive personality. When she first moved in I did not talk to her for two years because she was rude the first day I met her. So a couple or three years ago she decides to try to be my friend. She is divorced and has new guys in and out of her house all the time and runs to me when they break up with her. I have taken her to my old watering hole and guy after guy told me she was rude. She would shush me while I was talking and say some really ignorant things. Well, just like I did with my mother, I told her off. I told her that she needed to watch her attitude with me because I am not one of the kids she teaches. She is not talking to me, but I do not care and it felt so good to say.
What about you guys?
It feels good for a few days. Then it eats away at you. Lashing out at people makes you look like a unhinged person.
It rarely gets to a point where there is buildup and then a breaking point, usually things are nipped in the bud pretty early on. If you keep setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them you won’t need to lash out.
I think you did what you felt you needed to do. Good for you.
Are you going to keep this from happening again by setting appropriate boundaries from the get-go? It's hard, I know. It took me years to figure it out that my mother should be denied access to me, for my sake. I don't think she cares that she'll never see me again but being cut off from the flow of information -- and thus, bragging rights about our life -- is probably grating on her.
Oooo Boy I did one evening and it felt great!! i was living in an apartment with the most horrible neighbors - upstairs the lady thumped and banged like she was dribbling bowling balls. And she had a "thing' about having sex on her patio - which was directly above my bedroom.... not fun.
But I went off on the downstairs neighbor. There were 5-6 people in the 2 bedroom apartment 2 kids and 3-4 adults. they were the loudest people I've ever encountered. They STOMPED down the stairs like they were carrying cinder blocks - even the 3 year old little girl... the walls of my living room rattled some times... I had a minor outpatient procedure and was out of work that day but went back the next day because it was Friday and I didn't want to be so far behind on Monday. day went okay and I left early so I could rest a little.... fell asleep on the couch and about 6:30 the most earth shaking banging clanging noise - on the staircase. I jumped off the couch and opened the front door and yelled "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS KIND OF NOISE TONIGHT!!!!!" It was the 9 year old boy trying to carry his mom's bike down the stairs - way too big for him. She ran over and yelled "don't yell at my kid" - I lost it. You are the noisiest people I've ever lived near - thumping up and down the stairs - all day and all night - the little girl outside at 10:30 at night riding her scooter or running up and down the sidewalk. leaving trash and water bottles all over - we all have to step out in the grass to get to the parking lot because one or more of you are lounging on the stairs at the sidewalk.... She came back about my dog barking all the time and I yelled - he barks because you people are so D*$m noisy. right outside the front door - he thinks you're trying to break in with all the noise. And talking about dogs - you leave yours on the patio all day - barking and crapping. everyone in the building knows about your dog. - Then she said "I've worked hard today cleaning 5 houses and I'm tired you don't need to yell at us". I replied "I'm recovering from surgery and don't need to be disturbed 24 hours a day - and I worked hard today even though I should have been home resting,- listening to your kid run up and down the stairs chasing the other kids that are there all day"... she backed down and for 3 weeks I had peace...
It felt SO D#*M good!.
It feels good for a few days. Then it eats away at you. Lashing out at people makes you look like a unhinged person.
It depends on who you lash out at.
I'm a good person, but I've encountered people who thought they could talk to me like ****. I let them know tactfully at first, to watch what they say - and how it's said. Unfortunately a couple of them didn't listen - and I had to come down pretty hard. My regret being that they didn't heed my warnings - and I was nice about it in the beginning.
I don't like my buttons pushed.
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