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Hi there,
I could use some advice. My sister has been living with me for nearly a year, had a job, quit it and didn't think it was bad because the working conditions were not good at all. She's 32 and went through a divorce last year which was hard. I'm 36 and work full time as a teacher. I applauded her for quitting because the place was terrible. However, it will be six months Oct 1st and she has only had one interview since she quit her last job. She says she is looking for jobs, my parents give her 100 dollars per week to help out with expenses but it seems to run out and she asks for money. My sister has not been paying bills or anything but keeps the house clean and helps out with cooking. I feel a bit taken advantage of since she owes money for her car, which our parents are helping out and have given her a loan. She says "she's looking for a job" but my inner instinct tells me she should be doing more. I know this is complicated but was curious about any advice on what should be done. I'm not thinking of kicking her out but am a little bit miffed because I think going on six months is pretty long, especially since our economy has improved. She worked in human resources and wants to get a job in that. I've recommended that maybe she does something part time like walking dogs or other temp jobs but that doesn't seem to interest her. I know looking for certain jobs isn't easy but maybe this is normal? I guess I've heard some jobs take close to a year to look for? Thank you for reading.
She could be dealing with some sort of depression what with the divorce and quitting her job BUT as you stated..it's been a yr and the economy is better then it was in 2009-2011.There are plenty of jobs now that she could get and she should be making a great effort in finding one.The reason everything is going slow is because she has you as a cushion....a roof over her head because of you...
If you were to give her a time ultimatum...I'm sure she would find something.She needs to get out of that funk because there are jobs out there.Now is the time to get a job because the holiday season will be upon us and a lot of companies do hire for the season starting now so you should tell her about that.In time..the more you have to talk to her about looking for work...the more you will begin to resent her and you don't want that.She is a grown woman..she knows what she needs to do.Push her 1 more time with an ultimatum and if that doesn't work...then God help you.
My sister tried that with me and within a month I told her to contribute or move somewhere else.
She did both. Found a job, contributed a bit (although I cut her some slack so she could save for an apartment) and within another month she had her own place.I
You just have to put your foot down. If she sees you are serious it will force her to do something. Otherwise, let your parents take care of her. She is not your responsibility.
Question about your situation: how did your stance change your relationship with your sister? Are you friendly today or barely speaking?
So, what is your sister doing with her free time while you are at work? Any idea or is it just a mystery what she does with her time during the day while you are away at work?
Until then
*She takes over all housework, including larger jobs, like carpet shampooing every 3 to 4 months.
*She goes to the food bank. You buy what is needed to make up for what the food bank doesn't cover. If she is too good to go to the food bank, she takes on babysitting, whatever, to pay for her half of food.
*She does all the cooking.
If she balks at any of this after you have been so generous in covering her utility bills, giving up your alone time, covering her half of rent, etc, you definitely have a user on your hands. Give her 2 months notice and stick to it.
I agree. Great points. Unless, it is a very short term emergency, IMHO, adult sharing space with room mates/siblings need to pay their fair share of the rent, utilities and costs to survive.
Maybe if you told her (and your parents) the figures in black and white it would sink in "Sis, if I would have had a room mate living here paying their share of the rent, food, utilities, I would have been able to put an extra $6,000 (or whatever) towards my retirement account. Add in all of the money that you have given her (all those twenty dollar bills and $100 here and there can really add up, "And, Sis, I have loaned/given you $2,000 since you moved in." "Sis, I really can not afford to that $8,000".
After being unemployed for six months she should at least get a part time job in a department store or a fast food place plus do odd jobs for money, like dog walking or babysitting.
After telling your parents the amount that Sis cost you ($8,000 or whatever) suggest that she move in with them.
Can't she get a part time at a starbucks or something on that order. It would allow her to kick in a few bucks to help out and allow her to take some responsibility for her own life.
Is she suffering from depression or anything along those lines? Does she have any career prospects or job skills that she can use? The economy is doing great right now and I'm hearing that companies are hiring all over the place.
Seems like maybe she's loafing around a bit too much, just from what I've read in the OP.
I've been between jobs periodically through my work history and always worked for temp agencies while looking for permanent work.
It shows incentive to employers and the agencies understand you are looking for permanent work. It's also a great way to check out a company. I was hired a few times as temp to perm.
Understand this was a 40 year career span.
I agree that you have to show her how this is affecting YOUR quality of life and inhibiting your future retirement savings.
When my college sweetheart and I divorced, I was 29 years old and could have moved back in with my parents or kept my sanity and supported myself.
I worked three jobs to not live with someone else.
I worked an office job Mon-Fri from 9-5, cocktail waitressed Friday and Saturday nights, and taught aerobics Saturday, Monday and Tuesday.
It's time to give your sister a swift kick in the butt and get her out. She's 32 and needs to start working ANY and all jobs. Retail, restaurant, anything she can get.
"Sister, your share of living here is half the rent & utilities and you provide your own food. Cleaning is valued at $35 hr & I'll pay for 8 hrs a week".....or 25 or whatever the going rate is and how much you would normally pay for. Realizing two people are being cleaned up after not just you. If you wouldn't hire it out or didn't, then she just needs pay her share of rent etc. starting Oct 1.
6 months is a long time to not be doing something to bring in at least minimum wage. For goodness sake, could not an ambitious person start at McD's or other fast food and be some sort of manager in no time?
I don't care how bad a job is, quitting before you have another is insane in this economy.
Unless she was working in the sex trade or for drug runners. But anything LEGAL at least, quitting before she had another job showed a lack of foresight.
I'm guessing she is depressed. Seeing a therapist is in order. Perhaps she should move in with your parents. Maybe they can light a fire under her.
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