Sister has been living with me and has no job (person, children)
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Hi there,
I could use some advice. My sister has been living with me for nearly a year, had a job, quit it and didn't think it was bad because the working conditions were not good at all. She's 32 and went through a divorce last year which was hard. I'm 36 and work full time as a teacher. I applauded her for quitting because the place was terrible. However, it will be six months Oct 1st and she has only had one interview since she quit her last job. She says she is looking for jobs, my parents give her 100 dollars per week to help out with expenses but it seems to run out and she asks for money. My sister has not been paying bills or anything but keeps the house clean and helps out with cooking. I feel a bit taken advantage of since she owes money for her car, which our parents are helping out and have given her a loan. She says "she's looking for a job" but my inner instinct tells me she should be doing more. I know this is complicated but was curious about any advice on what should be done. I'm not thinking of kicking her out but am a little bit miffed because I think going on six months is pretty long, especially since our economy has improved. She worked in human resources and wants to get a job in that. I've recommended that maybe she does something part time like walking dogs or other temp jobs but that doesn't seem to interest her. I know looking for certain jobs isn't easy but maybe this is normal? I guess I've heard some jobs take close to a year to look for? Thank you for reading.
I think you need to tell her that it is past time for her to contribute to the household budget. She is adding to the utilities but not contributing to paying them. You've been absorbing the extra costs so far, but can't keep doing it even with the extra $100. Personally I would also talk to your parents and suggest that giving her money isn't helping her get back on her feet, just prolonging her dependency. Tell her you can't keep lending her money because you need to build up your own savings for (what? Increasing your pension contributions? To cover the months you don't teach? Make something up if you have to). Tell her you have been thinking of moving somewhere else more affordable/closer to work/nicer but she'll have to make her own arrangements.
Do you rent or own? You have given her a soft landing which is admirable, but time has passed and she's not getting her rear in gear. Life isn't free for anyone. If she really was actively in the process of getting work she'd probably be telling you about the process or the interviews and applications she's made. She's not. You are not doing her any favors indulging her. Time to face reality. She may not thank you now, but may later.
Sounds like family is enabling this woman. There are many jobs one can do and even while trying to find that "right" one. I worked 40 yrs and they were not all the right ones. But I worked and paid my way. Can't imagine not being out in the work place. You say she helps around the house, how much can there be to do. Do you have children that she cares for?
My sister tried that with me and within a month I told her to contribute or move somewhere else.
She did both. Found a job, contributed a bit (although I cut her some slack so she could save for an apartment) and within another month she had her own place.I
You just have to put your foot down. If she sees you are serious it will force her to do something. Otherwise, let your parents take care of her. She is not your responsibility.
Hi there,
I could use some advice. My sister has been living with me for nearly a year, had a job, quit it and didn't think it was bad because the working conditions were not good at all. She's 32 and went through a divorce last year which was hard. I'm 36 and work full time as a teacher. I applauded her for quitting because the place was terrible. However, it will be six months Oct 1st and she has only had one interview since she quit her last job. She says she is looking for jobs, my parents give her 100 dollars per week to help out with expenses but it seems to run out and she asks for money. My sister has not been paying bills or anything but keeps the house clean and helps out with cooking. I feel a bit taken advantage of since she owes money for her car, which our parents are helping out and have given her a loan. She says "she's looking for a job" but my inner instinct tells me she should be doing more. I know this is complicated but was curious about any advice on what should be done. I'm not thinking of kicking her out but am a little bit miffed because I think going on six months is pretty long, especially since our economy has improved. She worked in human resources and wants to get a job in that. I've recommended that maybe she does something part time like walking dogs or other temp jobs but that doesn't seem to interest her. I know looking for certain jobs isn't easy but maybe this is normal? I guess I've heard some jobs take close to a year to look for? Thank you for reading.
I have a job but have been looking for another and it's been close to 2 years. Granted I am currently employed so I am not spending as much time on job searching or networking than I would if I were unemployed. Some fields it does take a VERY long time. (I am also very experienced, so I asking for salaries on the higher end).
That said, your sister should get any job for now just to bring in money and continue her search. If she gets something, she can always quit that job. At least is some money coming in rather than none @ all.
I would tell her if she doesn't contribute financially in some way, she is out. Not your responsibility to keep supporting a grown person.
Last edited by Jdawg8181; 09-04-2018 at 12:00 PM..
Until then
*She takes over all housework, including larger jobs, like carpet shampooing every 3 to 4 months.
*She goes to the food bank. You buy what is needed to make up for what the food bank doesn't cover. If she is too good to go to the food bank, she takes on babysitting, whatever, to pay for her half of food.
*She does all the cooking.
If she balks at any of this after you have been so generous in covering her utility bills, giving up your alone time, covering her half of rent, etc, you definitely have a user on your hands. Give her 2 months notice and stick to it.
If you really think she's not trying as hard as she should be, definitely have a talk with her.
I work in HR, and it took me almost 5 months to get a job- and that was working with agencies religiously and on the job board every day. It was really stressful so I do empathize with your sister, but if she is not looking as hard as she should be, she should definitely be stepping it up. You did mentioned she helps around the house.. maybe she knows that she can't help out financially but willing to do chores and other things to make up for it?
Def. need to sit her down and talk about this. She's your sister, just be honest with her.
She could work part-time as a server and make enough to contribute something. If she doesn't have the savings to not work while looking for "the job", she just needs A job. Finding the right job can take time, but finding A job until then isn't that hard.
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