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I would absolutely not go. 50 dollars? And this person makes this much money? This sounds low life and selfish. It's one thing for a group of friends to agree to go to a concert that "everyone has been wanting to see" and pay their own 50 dollars. But for a birthday party?? This person doesn't have all their screws together in their head. It's almost insulting and a bit immature. Heck, it even takes time out of the day with all of everyone's busy life and plans to do such and now money is wanted? Most adults are lucky with everyone's busy life if other adults can even make it any event after work unless your neighbors. Usually a birthday party is a few close friends or family with a brief dinner or going out to eat. Not 50 dollars and dozens of people invited.
I grew up with my friend and have known each other for decades. He got married a few years ago and ever since has been acting differently. Lately he has had a pattern of becoming materialistic and frankly, extremely cheap. He makes very good money ($200k+), is a member at exclusive country clubs and does many high end trips with his wife.
I received a invitation to his birthday last week and he is charging $50 per person to attend. He is essentially renting out a bar and is trying to get everyone the pitch in for it. Between my wife and I, that’s $100 just to attend (not including food, presents, etc)
While my wife and I have the money, we are a little astonished that we have to pay an admission to attend our friends birthday. We host (and mutual friends of ours host all of us often) and typically we assume if you are hosting, you are paying. Sometimes we all host with “Potluck style” or ask the couple to bring wine/an appetizer, etc is the norm.
Does anyone else think it’s a bit tacky/cheap of my friend to charge everyone a room rental fee for his birthday? Am I making a big deal about nothing?
I think the responses would have been very different if the following had been posted.
Thread title: Is $50 a fair price for an open bar?
Message: I ran into a buddy of mine a few days ago. We've been friends since childhood. He was telling me that he set up a private party at a local bar for Saturday night and a bunch of our mutual friends will be going. He invited me and my wife. He said there will be an open bar all night and the cost is $50 per person.
I'd like to go, it should be a lot of fun and it's on my friend's birthday, but $50 per person seems expensive. I don't drink much and neither does my wife.
Since my friend set up the party, shouldn't he cover the costs? Should I have to pay? Am I making a big deal over nothing?
Hmmm, actually, putting it that way didn't help me much. I'd be like "No way I'm going to get $50 worth of liquor out of that bar, and I'm not paying for other guests to drink." If drinking is the only attraction, what's the point of going?
"Hey, a bunch of us are going to Ruth's Chris Steak House on Friday. It's my birthday. You're welcome to join us."
....would you expect the friend to pay the bill?
I would expect to pay for my own meal.
I would not mind paying for this. Because we could order what we wanted. As little or a much as we wanted to spend. We would also get our money's worth of food. We wouldn't be forced to pay 50 dollars each to just be open to options or to just have one or two drinks since we all have to drive home. I could even order a small appetizer and a drink and leave at a restaurant.
I think the responses would have been very different if the following had been posted.
Thread title: Is $50 a fair price for an open bar?
Message: I ran into a buddy of mine a few days ago. We've been friends since childhood. He was telling me that he set up a private party at a local bar for Saturday night and a bunch of our mutual friends will be going. He invited me and my wife. He said there will be an open bar all night and the cost is $50 per person.
I'd like to go, it should be a lot of fun and it's on my friend's birthday, but $50 per person seems expensive. I don't drink much and neither does my wife.
Since my friend set up the party, shouldn't he cover the costs? Should I have to pay? Am I making a big deal over nothing?
Since you specifically called me out as having "fell for it," I feel compelled to firmly say I did not. Even with your rewording, I would still find it tacky. In your version, you used the phrase "set up a private party." If he didn't have the funds to pay for this party, he should not have set it up. It is tacky to plan a party then charge an admission fee.
Perhaps you missed my earlier post where I said that my husband planned a 50th birthday party for me at a restaurant. He paid for ALL the food and drinks for 30-40 people. THAT is the polite way to throw a party.
If you can't afford to pay for the food and drinks for a big group at a restaurant, scale back to just a few people, or do something casual in your own back yard.
No. Just no. If you can't afford to have a birthday party, don't ask your guests to pay. When I do a birthday party for myself, I just treat it as I would any other night out with friends. It's really just an excuse to see my friends.
For my 40th, I invited everyone out to a bar I go to frequently. I ordered a bunch of apps that I paid for and everyone showed up to share and paid for their own drinks and socialized. We had a cards against Humanity game going that I drifted in and out of as I checked in with the folks who showed up. A few small gifts were given despite my request for no gifts (but they were really cool and thoughtful items that were under $20, so I was really touched). Some people just dropped in on their way to other evening activities or had one drink and left. Basically everyone did what was right for them. There was no way I could afford to rent a hall and have it catered, but I wasn't going to ask people to pony up for my birthday. The restaurant gave me a discount on the apps and drinks because I was a regular and had brought in so many new customers - it was really nice of the owner. The coolest part of the night was that friends from different parts of my life met each other and became friends. For some reason that always thrills me to death.
I dunno, something rubs me the wrong way when someone puts their vision of what they should have above simply the presence of their friends and family. It seems self-aggrandizing and selfish. Is this person really such a great friend?
"Hey, a bunch of us are going to Ruth's Chris Steak House on Friday. It's my birthday. You're welcome to join us."
....would you expect the friend to pay the bill?
I would expect to pay for my own meal.
Totally different scenario. In one, you can participate as much as you like. In another you MUST pay a required fee to participate. I know people who would go to Ruth's Chris and order an appetizer rather than pay for a full meal, but want to be there to honor their friend. It's the requirement that is the issue here.
Rather than saying "come participate in this activity with all of us" it's like saying "you can only participate if you give me this particular gift." One statement is inclusive and welcoming, and one is exploitative.
I think the responses would have been very different if the following had been posted.
Thread title: Is $50 a fair price for an open bar?
Message: I ran into a buddy of mine a few days ago. We've been friends since childhood. He was telling me that he set up a private party at a local bar for Saturday night and a bunch of our mutual friends will be going. He invited me and my wife. He said there will be an open bar all night and the cost is $50 per person.
I'd like to go, it should be a lot of fun and it's on my friend's birthday, but $50 per person seems expensive. I don't drink much and neither does my wife.
Since my friend set up the party, shouldn't he cover the costs? Should I have to pay? Am I making a big deal over nothing?
Your post isn’t very accurate. I see my friend several times a month and was the best man at his wedding. We don’t really have mutual friends. I don’t really want to go to a bar since I don’t drink much but feel a bit obligated to go because of our history and probably would go for an hour or two if it was a casual meet up.
You sure made a creative assumption though, nice try
"Hey, a bunch of us are going to Ruth's Chris Steak House on Friday. It's my birthday. You're welcome to join us."
....would you expect the friend to pay the bill?
I would expect to pay for my own meal.
Not the same thing. I can choose what I order and what my bill will be.
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Wow!
