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I don't know...I was WAY more judgey when I was young. I had no life experience to speak of yet, but I sure had my judgements. I'm 14 years old, and all judgey about the class mate who got pregnant. Or, I'm all judgey about the kid who got caught cheating on a test, etc.
Then life came along, and I did things for the good, and for the bad...and somethings were plenty bad...and it sure seems hypocritical to me to judge someone else for doing things similar to what I did.
Definitely if it's someone younger, they should get a pass. Even more so if they grew up very sheltered, I think. One thing that I remember was being really judgmental about classmates who talked about having sex, because when I was younger, I was a firm believer that one shouldn't have sex before marriage. Looking back, I made some stupid remarks about that as a teen.
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I have to say though...I DO get judgey about drug issues, and subsequent issues that seem to cme WITH drug addictions. While I DO have compassion for the actual addiction...it's hard for me to be sympathetic when someone is stealing to support their habit. or raising cane at their parents while under the influence, or getting their parents house condemned for meth cooking...I just can't muster much sympathy for that person.
I think most of us get judgmental about something, but we still acknowledge our own flaws.
I knew someone who was sanctimonious, sometimes unbearably so, but as he matured and learned more about people he dropped it.
It was deep-seated insecurity talking. As in "Look, see how superior I am to the people who do this <supposedly bad thing>, because I don't do that and never will. They're losers."
In one case it was anyone who drank alcoholic beverages, even one per year.
I would argue that in the OP, the father who had an affair had some degree of insecurity. His silly rationalizations were just that.
I have known sanctimonious people who were discovered to be terrible people afterall. Then the other, maybe equal or stranger, part is the adults they convince...almost hypnotize?...who are intelligent people, well employed, well traveled, well rounded, and yet fall for them. Even to winding up with their children getting damaged. In current time, not way in the past.
Yes, and it has taken several different forms in my life.
-The man who makes a big show of being a feminist, but when you get to know him well enough you realize he has all the hallmarks of a misogynist.
-The person who is always sharing new agey quotes on social media, or making sure everyone knows they're going to some "power of positivity" conference. Stuff like that. Always looking for brownie points for being really enlightened. Except you've known them pretty well in the past and know that they are absolutely awful human beings to anyone who has ever been close to them.
-the "politically woke" hypocrite. They share pictures of themselves at all the protests and share all the right memes, but you get to talking to them and they know NOTHING real about politics. They're just in it for the fashion.
-The charity lunch hypocrite. These well-to-do but often not very cultured "chateau country" (that's what we call the area where the rich people live in my state) housewives (and sometimes house husbands) who will get dressed to the nines to go to some charity lunch to support the plight of women, or the homeless. You know, because they're so big hearted and all. Then at the venue they treat every venue employee they interact with like so many cockroaches under their Manolo Blahniks.
Do I have some axes to grind? Sure do. And I'm probably hypocritical in it.
Then there's the sadder case of the person who has some deep secret they feel they need to hide (and they can't be automatically faulted - maybe they do need to hide it). They try so hard to act like something they're not, and the deep acting job permeates everything about them. In talking to them, there's nothing sincere that ever comes out of their mouth, because they are so all-consumed with keeping their secret a secret that it's like there's a filter that everything they do and say comes through - a test of "will this reveal me?" The sad thing is that it's always super obvious regardless.
Hypocrisy doesn't disturb me. I'm a hypocritical 68YO and I've yet to find anyone who doesn't have a hypocritical side to them, all part of being human?
You described one person but that doesn't mean you should make a sweeping statement about all people.
There is nothing wrong about striving for good decent behavior. People aren't perfect and are going to fall down but it still doesn't mean that they can't speak about it or strive for it.
You seem to enjoy pointing fingers. One of these days you may be in a similar situation as the person you're criticizing.
The thing is, you don't really know if the person you're calling a "hypocrite" has made major changes and improvements in himself or herself and is now trying to live a better life. So yes, they do have dirty laundry and skeletons but these are in their past, and they're trying to live a good and decent life NOW. Yes, they might comment on someone else's behavior but I wouldn't call it sanctimonious. It's a way of sharing their own experience of how their own past bad behavior dragged them down, and they want someone else to benefit from their experience. There's a lot of depression, anxiety and unhappiness out there. It's obvious that "living on the edge" (ie engaging in bad behaviors such as hooking up, drug and alcohol abuse, affairs) isn't really the path to happiness and a sane, successful life. Why not keep an open mind and listen to the person who you're calling sanctimonious? Overlook their sanctimonious-ness and open your mind to the experience they are trying to share about how they changed their own life.
Also, if these so-called sanctimonious people disturb you in some way, maybe you need to take a look at yourself. You obviously have an issue about this. It's just as judging for you to judge THEM as you "think" they're judging someone else. Maybe they're not judging anyone at all...???
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