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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 18 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
Reputation: 5382
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar
This happened to my aunt with five adult children. It seemed nearly inexcusable to me.
But that's not the worst thing to worry about. She had a stroke on her unheated front porch when she stepped out to pick up her mail and no one knows how long she lay there, perhaps conscious, hoping one of the kids would come by and help her.
It nearly breaks my heart to think of her death.
I’m sorry about the loss of your Aunt. A stroke can come without warning. A similar thing happened to one of my dad’s friends. Luckily, his wife was and there to call an ambulance. If your Aunt did have a life alert system, there was probably no time for her to react. It’s not really fair to blame your cousins. Maybe your cousins thought their mom was doing well enough not needing to be checked on often
Quote:
Originally Posted by evening sun
how old are you? Don't worry about it yet. If your parents are still alive, you can't be that old???
close to 40.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bygeorge
“There’s other factors that I feel have a negative influence on being able to make friends and maintaining the friendships.”
Care to elaborate? Folks are shooting in the dark here.
I’m not much of a chatterbox. Some people think if you don’t talk much, they take it as not being interesting or willing to be friends with you. I’m profond Deaf and people dont like repeating themselves. The biggie are my eyes. I was also born with facial palsy. Both my eyes are different in size, even the pupils. I have problems blinking in one eye so it appears like I’m winking at everyone. That had made me self-conscious
My mother and I text "Good Morning" to each other every morning around 7 a.m. so I know she is okay since she is 83 and lives alone. OP do you have someone you could text once a day so they know you are alright?
My very rural county, with a population of just 15,000 has a free program from the sheriffs dept where they call you each morning and if they do not get an answer they will send out a deputy to do a wellness check. I haven't signed up for it although I do live alone and am 69 years old. One friend does make a point of calling every couple of days just to check in.
I am about to get 2 housemates who are young so that will be all I need for now. They will be renting the upstairs of the house.
You are still young, not yet 40 so why worry about something that may not happen for another 30 or 40 years. If you really feel the need to address this issue, plenty of good suggestions in this thread.
We had a guy here several years ago this happened to, three or four months until he was found. He was very, very private and would have, and did, pitched a fit if someone checked up on him.
A friend of mine just died a month ago. His cleaning lady found him. Had been dead for several days. I called him a couple days prior to his discovery with no answer, but that was not unusual since he would go away several days at a time occasionally.
Our local sheriff's office offers daily calls to elderly to check on them.
Perhaps in your areas...
They do, or a social services agency does, but the individual, or their family, has to sign them up. Most will not.
Hell, my mother fired Meals on Wheels because the driver came to her front door once instead of the back door. She had no idea how many favors I had to call in to get her put on the schedule.
Wow. I did not realized so many people felt like this. I also worry about the same thing. I live alone with 2 cats and 1 dog. I recently lost my Maltese "Snuggles" due to liver failure. I am going to move from Citrus county to a place close to Tallahassee, Fla. Does anyone live in or know anything about Monticello, Madison, Quincy, Perry? I will be alone but plan on getting out to meet people. I like to play bingo & to go to flea markets, garage sales, etc. If you can recommend a town, I will take it into consideration. I answer all replies. Have a nice day.
That’s my biggest fear. I’ve read these sad stories online about these people dying alone in their home and weeks, even years go by before anyone notices. Wheather you’re an introvert or extrovert, people are meant to be social beings interacting with others.
I do have parents and siblings. There’s a chance I can outlive all of them. Although, I don’t have a strong, close connection with them, it’s better than nothing.
I don’t have anyone to call a close friend. I rarely get funny/dumb texts from anyone. Not even from my parents or siblings. Every friendship I try to make it fizzles out or stays as casual acquaintances. It almost always ends up being one-sided with me initiating the conversation. I try to show interest in other people’s lives without being intrusive, most don’t seem interested in chatting with me. Usually, I’ll say something like “what’s been going on with you” and their response will be superficial saying “not much”.
I’m not one to chat much. Always been that way. So that could make people think I’m not interested in them. While many people seem to be social drinkers, I’m not. I refuse to drink and drive. I don’t get too involved with social media because it’s a passive way of keeping in touch. Sone rarely post anything.
There’s other factors that I feel have a negative influence on being able to make friends and maintaining the friendships
OP, file this under "weird fears" that you shouldn't be wasting energy on. This has become, to some extent, a habitual thought pattern, but you can change your thought patterns. It takes some effort, but with mindfulness, you can switch your thoughts to something pleasant, when you notice yourself falling into the old habit. Do you show other signs of depressive thinking?
Besides, once you're dead, it won't matter when your corpse is discovered. "You", your essence, will be long gone at that point. Have you read any of the Near Death Experience testimonials? There are books by people who have been to the "other side" and back, and there's also a website that collects stories from people from a wide variety of cultures. It's eye-opening. Most testimonials on this topic aren't religious or preachy. https://iands.org
Your topic actually seems to be more about how to make friends, than about what happens after your demise. Have you tried joining activity groups, volunteering, etc.?
One of my closest friends died in January of the flu and was likely gone for several days before she was found. She was only 38.
A lot went wrong in that situation, and I feel very guilty. Neither she nor I are the type of people to regularly check in. I'm super introverted and while we were close friends, we texted infrequently and most of our friendship was around seeing each other a few times a month and popping in to say hi to each other at work (same institution, different departments). I will probably live with the thought, "What if I had checked in?" for the rest of my life.
Her sister reached out to me via social media to say that the family hadn't heard from her in almost a week and she wasn't responding to calls. I immediately hopped in my car and drove over, and then called the police when I saw her car in the parking lot and someone in the building let me in. There were packages dated for days before in front of her door. I knew before the police even arrived. So did they: rather than break the door down, they waited half an hour for the landlord to show up to let them in.
We later found out that her family knew she was sick in the worst flu season in recent history but never thought to check in daily or drive from 2 hours away to check in on her that weekend. Her supervisors were concerned enough about disjointed texts that they went to HR, but no one thought to do a wellness check or even keep checking in on her. The disjointed texts were on a Tuesday and we found her on a Monday.
As a result, many of her friends and coworkers who live along got together and made plans to text each other each morning. Sometimes it bugs me and feels intrusive - especially when I oversleep and panic one of my friends - but I know that there's a safety net. If we haven't heard from each other in 12 hours unless otherwise agreed upon, we have plans in place to contact the police just in case. My supervisor requires that her staff check in every day when they're sick, not because she's micromanaging or pestering (she definitely wants us to stay out of the office with our germs!) but because she wants to make sure that we're OK. While I only live alone part of the time when my boyfriend is traveling work work and I check in with him, I feel much more comfortable knowing that lots of people in my circle are checking in.
Dying alone isn't what worries me - it's the possibility of needing help for days and no one knowing. I'm 30 so I don't feel the need for a Life Alert just yet, but things can happen at any age.
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