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When I was a kid, I had a 9 p.m. bedtime up until maybe I was 12; it became 10 p.m. on school nights and by high school, 11 p.m. By high school I still respected the 11 p.m. bedtime rule (I'm talking about on school nights here) but on Friday nights I always liked to stay up later - albeit in my room reading a book, if not watching TV (I had a little rinky-dink hand-me-down 9" B&W in my room). I was and still am a night owl.
Anyway, I remember arguing with my dad over staying up late - it's Friday night, the weekend, not a school night and it wasn't like I had to get up early for anything (I still got up on Saturday - even if to just watch cartoons!) Some Fridays I'd stay up all night, watching TV until the last station went off the air (remember that?)
I guess I'm just more liberal (and I don't mean politically speaking) but would you have a problem with your kids staying up later than normal on the weekends?
Honestly, I gave up trying to enforce bedtimes when my kids were teens. I know they stayed up late on school nights. I know that at least one of my kids fell asleep on the downstairs couch, in front of the TV. They were supposed to go to bed at a decent hour. But, like the messy rooms I gave up trying to get cleaned up, I simply stopped asking questions.
Sometimes you have to opt for peace. My kids were not into drugs or anything bad. I didn’t know everything, for sure, and I found out stuff later I wish had not happened. But you can’t control every move your kids make. You’ll just make yourself crazy, and the kids resentful.
I remember late Saturday nights in the '70's...my grandmother stomping out looking for one of my younger brothers who usually liked to stay up to watch Monty Python at 11:00 and then Saturday Night Live, demanding he go to bed. He would have been 11 to 13 at the time. Even if he hadn't stayed up and was in his bed asleep all along, she'd search behind the sofa and chairs, accusing me of "hiding" him. She'd act almost crazed. That was about the time her dementia was starting to kick in.
9 pm sounds awfully late for a small child to be staying up. But to answer your question, I can't imagine anyone objecting to a teen staying up to read late at night on a weekend. How would your parents even know? Maybe they wanted you up in time for a family breakfast on weekends? That's the only reason I can think of. Still, I wonder how they knew you were up late reading.
9 pm sounds awfully late for a small child to be staying up. But to answer your question, I can't imagine anyone objecting to a teen staying up to read late at night on a weekend. How would your parents even know? Maybe they wanted you up in time for a family breakfast on weekends? That's the only reason I can think of. Still, I wonder how they knew you were up late reading.
We lived in a small apartment. If my dad got up to use the bathroom of course he would see that I had the light and TV on in my room. No family breakfast at our house on Saturday; I was making my own breakfast at 13-14. My dad worked Saturdays - he owned a small business. So I was pretty much on my own. Made no difference whether I got up as early as 6 a.m. or as late as 10 a.m.
We lived in a small apartment. If my dad got up to use the bathroom of course he would see that I had the light and TV on in my room. No family breakfast at our house on Saturday; I was making my own breakfast at 13-14. My dad worked Saturdays - he owned a small business. So I was pretty much on my own. Made no difference whether I got up as early as 6 a.m. or as late as 10 a.m.
So....what, he was a control freak? Why would he care that you were up late, reading or watching TV? Their bedroom didn't have its own bath, it sounds like? It all sounds strange. I would think one would want to encourage a teen to read. He should have been thankful, that you weren't out partying, and that he'd have to enforce a curfew.
Some parents really obsess about the wrong things, and don't appreciate a good teen when they have one. They can blow up a minor thing into a huge issue, as if a kid is some moral degenerate, without realizing that some kids out there are out of control, already becoming alcoholics in their teens, or druggies, ignoring parental attempts to set boundaries, and so on.
*sigh*. So, what was your dad's story, OP? His parenting style was to micro-manage certain things?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-13-2018 at 10:38 AM..
Once I started driving at 16, I wasn't even HOME on Friday and Saturday nights. If I wasn't staying over at friends', my curfew was 1 am. It was the same for my peer group. Often we didn't even go out until 10 or later when the bands started up at the bars and clubs.
Once I started driving at 16, I wasn't even HOME on Friday and Saturday nights. If I wasn't staying over at friends', my curfew was 1 am. It was the same for my peer group. Often we didn't even go out until 10 or later when the bands started up at the bars and clubs.
You went to bars and clubs at 16, 17? This sounds more like college activity. But even college students would be underage, the first 2-3 years.
I've always found the idea that you can send the kid to bed but you can't make them sleep to be self-evident. I've never been a stickler for my kid's bedtimes. I usually sent them to bed around 9, but didn't much care what they did in their rooms after that. They could read, play, listen to books or music, etc. (Sadly, neither of them are big readers even though they each own literally hundreds of books. I would have been ecstatic if they read in bed.)
My younger son proclaimed the this bedtime was 10:00 rather than 9:00 on any night when he didn't have school or camp. I didn't really bother to argue because I didn't much care. If he is actually tired, he will go to sleep earlier. I have zero control over what time my teen son goes to bed. He's often got homework to do, which ends up keeping him up late. There are plenty of times, though, that he'll go to sleep fairly early because he is tired.
I've never seen this as an area that needs to be a battleground. They'll go to sleep when they're tired. If there isn't a problem - like they can't wake up in the morning or are too exhausted to learn in school, I don't see the need to make it one. If you micromanage kids too much, when they're away from your control (whether at a friend's house or when they go away to college), they'll go nuts.
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So, what was your dad's story, OP? His parenting style was to micro-manage certain things?
