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Old 10-15-2018, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,745 posts, read 34,383,370 times
Reputation: 77099

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
Why would she miss them then if she don’t want to reconnect?
She might just be happy to see what everyone's up to on social media and email. Getting together in person could be something that she's not physically,emotionally, or financially up for doing, and being pressured to do more than she wants made her uncomfortable.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-15-2018 at 01:48 PM..
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Old 10-15-2018, 01:21 PM
 
749 posts, read 481,643 times
Reputation: 764
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
She might just be happy to see what everyone's up to on social media and email. Getting together in person could be something that she's not physically or emotionally up for doing, and being pressured to do more than she wants made her uncomfortable.
Lame. If she doesn’t want to visit then she should say so and the reason why she might not want to. By just saying yea sometime we should it makes matters unclear and confusing. She builds her family tree on ancestry therefore we have something in common.
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Old 10-15-2018, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,745 posts, read 34,383,370 times
Reputation: 77099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
Lame. If she doesn’t want to visit then she should say so and the reason why she might not want to. By just saying yea sometime we should it makes matters unclear and confusing. She builds her family tree on ancestry therefore we have something in common.
You don't get to decide what is a priority for this person.
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Old 10-15-2018, 01:43 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,763 posts, read 19,968,204 times
Reputation: 43163
The more I hear you insist and obsess over that distant relative, the more I understand why she isn't interested. If you don't stop bothering her, she may block you or worse - get a restraining order. Enough is enough!
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Old 10-15-2018, 02:17 PM
 
841 posts, read 553,367 times
Reputation: 1931
I love my extended family. I really do. We had lots of good times at get-togethers growing up. We keep up with each other on Fb. However, I have no desire to see them in person. Maybe once every 5 or so years, I'll take one for the team and show up at a reunion for an hour or so. Or we'll see each other at a funeral and do the customary exchanges about getting together - but it's all just to be polite. I'm sorry - I am an introvert. I like my own space and being able to control the interaction - therefore, things like social media, text, etc. I don't want to talk on the phone or visit in person. Have you contacted this person a lot? Do the conversations seem to be more one-sided? Your relative could be doing this on purpose or, if like my father, really bad at using messenger.
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Old 10-15-2018, 02:44 PM
 
6,503 posts, read 3,434,955 times
Reputation: 7903
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
I'm totally confused. But I guess there isn't much I can do. When I post old pics of the family, she comments on them. She says she misses the times. She thanks me for posting. By the way, my dad hasn't seen this cousin in over 10 years. We lost touch for a long time. We used to spend the Holidays together. And we don't live that far away.

But we don't even have her phone number anymore. So we have Facebook. My father and her talked on messenger and she said it would be great to get together. But then she stopped responding after he responded.
Then.. several of months ago I told her that it would be great together and she said that the summer should work. I wrote back to her and no response. I know she's on FB often though. But it used to say when she was available. She turned off her active status. And now it looks like she never read my message. There was no profile pic attached to it.

It's weird how she turned off her status right after I wrote back to her. I met new family from Ancestry and it would be great to have her come over. I wrote to her and again NO RESPONSE. And to double my chances of getting her to respond, I sent her the same message on Ancestry, since she has an account on that site as well.

This is sad. My father misses her so much. We used to spend every holiday together no matter what. He doesn't have her number. The only way to get it is to call her uncle on the other side of her family and it's been years since they've talked, there was some kind of feud.
Some people are like that - want to keep you within arm's reach, but also at arm's length.
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Old 10-15-2018, 03:33 PM
 
24,541 posts, read 10,859,092 times
Reputation: 46864
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
We can create new memories if she would allow it.
It is her decision, not yours.
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Old 10-15-2018, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,156,596 times
Reputation: 50802
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
She's made it clear that she doesn't actually want to get together. Nothing left to do but accept it and move on. She has chosen to isolate herself - for whatever reason. Just focus on other relatives, build relationships with them instead.
Well you don't know all the story, do you? But the advice above is good.
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Old 10-15-2018, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,935,627 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
You won’t believe how many were happy to visit me from ancestry and some let me visit from hundreds miles away
That's great. Focus on them.

It's clear that her feelings as a person don't really matter to you and that you're just trying to fill in blanks on your computer tree.
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Old 10-15-2018, 03:54 PM
 
1,299 posts, read 823,181 times
Reputation: 5459
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
The more I hear you insist and obsess over that distant relative, the more I understand why she isn't interested. If you don't stop bothering her, she may block you or worse - get a restraining order. Enough is enough!
I agree. It's becoming more and more clear why she is trying to keep her distance from you.
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