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Hey y'all, I'll try to be as thorough with the contextual background as possible. All of my family resides in Texas where I'm from and I live in Washington state. I moved up here 4 years ago and I haven't seen them since.
My mother called me yesterday to ask me to walk her down the aisle and I'll be honest. I do not want to for various reasons. I don't know or care to know the person she is marrying. I don't really have a relationship with my family. It's not negative but I'm not a social butterfly and the distance (along with my career development) pretty much means I have no desire to be there.
Also I hate family like gatherings such as weddings and funerals. They are too sappy and emotional and I have to dress up. It is such an eye roll. Now I know ultimately I'm grown I can do what I want but I do want to decline as gracefully as possible. However I don't exactly have a way with words. I mean I don't think she should have any grounds to be offended but still.
I've lurked on this forum for a while and I've seen many insightful posts so I'm hoping I can get the same. Thank you.
Maybe just say "Mom, I hate to tell you this, but I am not planning on going to the wedding. I love you, so let's not make this more complicated than it has to be. Congratulations and tell everyone I said hello!"
If you know the date, you might just say you have work commitments that you can't get out of. But I got a good piece of advice a while ago, which is, if the amount of time you will spend figuring out how to say no plus the amount of time you'll spend thinking about it afterwards is more than the amount of time it will take to go do it, just go do it.
I'm grown I can do what I want but I do want to decline as gracefully as possible. However I don't exactly have a way with words. I mean I don't think she should have any grounds to be offended but still.
Call her back as soon as possible ( no text or email ) and say something like the following :
Mom, while I am very honored that you have asked me to walk you down the aisle I regretfully must decline the honor....the reasons being as you know I have moved far away over 4 years ago and I am content where I am today.....I do not want to return home...not only to live there but I do not want to even visit...while I miss you I have realized for my own mental well being I am better off being this distance away from family at this point in my life.
I know you will understand and I wish you the best of everything and I know you will pick a worthy alternative to walk you down the aisle on your very special day..
Hey y'all, I'll try to be as thorough with the contextual background as possible. All of my family resides in Texas where I'm from and I live in Washington state. I moved up here 4 years ago and I haven't seen them since.
My mother called me yesterday to ask me to walk her down the aisle and I'll be honest. I do not want to for various reasons. I don't know or care to know the person she is marrying. I don't really have a relationship with my family. It's not negative but I'm not a social butterfly and the distance (along with my career development) pretty much means I have no desire to be there.
Also I hate family like gatherings such as weddings and funerals. They are too sappy and emotional and I have to dress up. It is such an eye roll. Now I know ultimately I'm grown I can do what I want but I do want to decline as gracefully as possible. However I don't exactly have a way with words. I mean I don't think she should have any grounds to be offended but still.
I've lurked on this forum for a while and I've seen many insightful posts so I'm hoping I can get the same. Thank you.
Without more context, I have to tell ya, you don't come off looking so good here. If you are comfortable with that, you should be comfortable just saying no.
Without more context, I have to tell ya, you don't come off looking so good here. If you are comfortable with that, you should be comfortable just saying no.
I tried to give as many reasons as I could without going into a very long story about the intricacies of our relationship. Is there any extra you want to know? I was raised in a single parent household. I live 2500 miles away and I haven't even spoken to them in a long time other than to wish me happy birthday randomly. I'm a busy man and but ultimately we make all the excuses in the world right but it comes down whether we really want to.
I'm comfortable saying no but I do care about not trying to be as offensive as I can.
I don't understand how I don't come off looking so good. Like I don't know what you mean by that.
I tried to give as many reasons as I could without going into a very long story about the intricacies of our relationship. Is there any extra you want to know? I was raised in a single parent household. I live 2500 miles away and I haven't even spoken to them in a long time other than to wish me happy birthday randomly. I'm a busy man and but ultimately we make all the excuses in the world right but it comes down whether we really want to.
I'm comfortable saying no but I do care about not trying to be as offensive as I can.
I don't understand how I don't come off looking so good. Like I don't know what you mean by that.
It means the entire posts talks about how it affects you. Quite honestly, it comes off sounding very narcissistic, which is why I indicated the reasons provided may not have offered enough context.
Maybe there is a back story, but just based on the "I don't want to", sounds like the only consideration you have is for yourself.
Apparently, your mother thought enough of having you there that she asked you to walk her down the aisle. That's not a trivial "can you be another usher" position, but one of importance. But again, all we have is "I don't want to".
Yeah, I doubt that his mom ever did anything nice for the OP anyway, raising him alone as a single mother and all. Now she has found a new partner and is beginning a new life, but no big deal I guess. Not worth having to wear a tie I'm sure.
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