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How would you know what hes attracted to when you really dont want to know and cut him off? You couldnt even tell him you werent comfortable with what he was saying? Why would you come here and complain about it instead of talking to him?
The initial comment was extremely vulgar. Sure, I'm jumping out on a limb with some of the conclusions. My guess is that he may have been drunk on the flight. There was some drinking going on from the meals on the tour. I'm sure he was jet-lagged, tired, and if he was also drinking, he might not have intended any of that to come out the way it did.
I don't really know the guy. It was just a very strange interaction. With that said, I'm not going to parse the situation. He's not a good friend of mine and it came across as weird.
I know plenty of clergy pretty well. Some of them have been lifelong friends, people with whom we've vacationed and socialized on a regular basis. On the balance, the majority lead upright lives lived in service to their congregations. But there are those who get into the ministry not to serve God, but because they are running from something or compensating for something. And I think this is more true in the fundamentalist sects than other denominations. In my denomination, we have a fairly extensive process known as discernment to weed out the flakes, as well as those who are getting into ministry for all the wrong reasons.
I became very good friends with a Methodist minister through my business partner. The guy was intrigued by what we did for a living, so he'd come by and hang out. Over time, he became more and more annoyed by the personal sacrifice he had made entering the ministry. So he bought himself a Camaro and cowboy boots and ultimately went off the cliff. Last time I saw him, he was divorced, selling suits somewhere.
Another, the ex of a friend of mine, went through two years of discernment (Itself the equivalent of navigating a minefield and clambering over razor wire), followed by three years of seminary before landing at a small church. Within weeks, he began an affair with the church organist in a way guaranteed to get himself caught. Within two hours of being discovered by a parishioner, he was fired by the bishop and shown the door.
So, in truth, the person you knew has personal struggles not just with faith, but his own interior life.
It's Southern Baptist, but pretty inoffensive. Definitely not a firebreather place.
It's Southern Baptist, but pretty inoffensive. Definitely not a firebreather place.
All things are relative, of course. But Southern Baptists seem to have ongoing problems with this kind of thing. No religious faith is immune to these issues, of course, but some have much better oversight and training than others.
Just block him and move on. If he's still active in the ministry, and you know any of his flock - you might want to pass the word. This guy has major issues and should not be in a position as a spiritual advisor to anyone. Count yourself lucky you found out fairly quickly after he reentered your life, and count your blessings that reentry was online only and not in real life.
This goes doubly if he is still a youth minister. He sounds predatory.
Just block him and move on. If he's still active in the ministry, and you know any of his flock - you might want to pass the word. This guy has major issues and should not be in a position as a spiritual advisor to anyone. Count yourself lucky you found out fairly quickly after he reentered your life, and count your blessings that reentry was online only and not in real life.
This goes doubly if he is still a youth minister. He sounds predatory.
This was one of those things that you're just shocked it's happening and don't really know how to react at all. Sometimes you get mad or blow up, and sometimes you're just simply at a loss. I was at a loss.
Amusingly enough he's a music minister now at a larger local church.
On FB you are often bombarded with suggestions for new friends who are connected to someone you have already befriended. This former minister has just responded to one of those suggestions and that is why you got a friend request from him. I don't think he sought you out at all.
The initial comment was extremely vulgar. Sure, I'm jumping out on a limb with some of the conclusions. My guess is that he may have been drunk on the flight. There was some drinking going on from the meals on the tour. I'm sure he was jet-lagged, tired, and if he was also drinking, he might not have intended any of that to come out the way it did.
I don't really know the guy. It was just a very strange interaction. With that said, I'm not going to parse the situation. He's not a good friend of mine and it came across as weird.
I agree that it was weird.
Ministers are just people although they like to pretend that they have been anointed by God with special qualities. The guy you described is just plain nasty and disrespectful toward his wife. You have no obligation to make excuses for him--he's just a creep.
A final judgment by God – if that is what you believe – is one thing. But we "judge" – and make judgments many times every day. Thinking it's a good thing not to be under this guy's supervision is, in fact, a judgment. And a good one at that.
My point is that I shouldn't look down on that minister, or view him as a worse sinner than I am.
Simply thinking, "Eh, probably best that I not attend that church" does not mean that I look down on that minister or view him as a worse sinner, so that's not the type of judgment that the Bible tells us to avoid making.
He is or was a youth minister.....that by itself is a red flag to scrutinize his behavior. Odds are he is a predator. Sounds like he likes the boys and was trying to work an angle to see if he could get you to respond positively with his sexual talk. That is what those type do so they can play it off as they were joking if it doesn't go well.
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