Family visiting and different cultural expectations (spouse, member, sister, relatives)
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Anyone struggle with relatives who want to stay with you for extended periods when they visit because of cultural expectations or a long overseas flight home?
We had a baby in January and have relatives from overseas who keep making plans to visit. It's been almost a year of this now. In many (but not all) cases they want to stay for two weeks or more due to either a cultural expectation or long overseas flight home so that they can get their "money's worth" so to speak. Some of these individuals are elderly and this is probably the last time we will see a few of them.
We have a few properties that they can stay in as we are rehabbing a nearby house for eventual sale and have a weekend cottage within an easy drive. We have been diverting guests to those in cases where they can't afford a hotel. I have instituted a three day rule for visiting because we are just too busy to keep hosting even if they aren't in our primary house. But I am getting really confused responses to this.
I've never heard of anyone in my family visiting or epecting someone and a hotel or other residence ever coming into the equation.
The closest we have come would be family splitting up the stay between family members in the surrounding area.
I would be highly insulted if I was sent off to some hotel or alternate property if I went to visit a family member, especially if it is a rare occasion and not a frequent occurence.
OP, it sounds like you have the situation well in hand. Don't fall for attempts to guilt you into hosting people, when you have an infant to care for 24/7. Both you and your spouse also need your rest, when you can get it, between the midnight feedings, and so forth. People who don't understand this are insensitive and thoughtless, probably selfish. This is not your problem. You shouldn't even have to explain to the older generation, what it's like to have a newborn in the home, and how exhausting it is.
If anyone gives you a hard time, after you say, "I'm sorry, we can't host you in our home right now, but we do have a little guest house not far away", then you can come back with, "I'm sorry you don't understand how challenging life is at this stage, with an infant in the home. Maybe your newborns were easier to deal with, but for us, it's exhausting. We'd be happy to put you up in our vacation cottage, though.We'd love to have you visit the baby, on a day and time when we're ready to receive guests"
Repeat as needed. Put your foot down, and keep it down. You're not doing anything wrong. I fail to see why anyone would object to getting a free place to stay in one or another of your spare homes. If they push you, they deserve some polite but firm pushback. What a shame that it has to be this way!
As you are wrapping up dinner while sitting around the kitchen table, invite the dog into the room. Let the dog lick your plate clean, and then put it away in the kitchen cabinet.
I guarantee they'll be heading for the Hampton Inn the next day. Heck, they'll offer to take you out to eat for the duration of their stay.
I've never heard of anyone in my family visiting or epecting someone and a hotel or other residence ever coming into the equation.
The closest we have come would be family splitting up the stay between family members in the surrounding area.
I would be highly insulted if I was sent off to some hotel or alternate property if I went to visit a family member, especially if it is a rare occasion and not a frequent occurence.
Good thing you are not coming to visit us! You would be highly offended.
As you are wrapping up dinner while sitting around the kitchen table, invite the dog into the room. Let the dog lick your plate clean, and then put it away in the kitchen cabinet.
I guarantee they'll be heading for the Hampton Inn the next day. Heck, they'll offer to take you out to eat for the duration of their stay.
Hahaha! I have thought about wandering around in a nursing bra to discourage house guests but your solution is much better. Too bad I'm allergic to dogs.
We had a baby in January and have relatives from overseas who keep making plans to visit. It's been almost a year of this now. In many (but not all) cases they want to stay for two weeks or more due to either a cultural expectation or long overseas flight home so that they can get their "money's worth" so to speak. Some of these individuals are elderly and this is probably the last time we will see a few of them.
I don't travel to Guam to see family unless I'm able to stay at least two weeks. I'm not going to spend thousands of dollars on a flight to stay 3 or 4 days. And traveling that far is very physically and mentally taxing (and it's even harder on the elderly). The stay has to be long enough to make it worth all the adjusting that I have to do going both ways. So it's not just money.
Luckily, I have a number of options for lodging, so I don't mind moving from one cousin's house to another a couple of times so that I'm not a burden on one household for the entire stay.
If you are inviting them, then you can decide the date of the visit and explain the arrangements they can expect and they can decide whether to make the trip knowing they will be staying somewhere other than your house and for how long.
If they are inviting themselves and dictating the dates of the visit, they can make their own lodging and eating arrangements. You can be kind and offer them one of your alternate properties, but if they don't like that, they can stay in a hotel at their own expense. You can invite them for meals when it is convenient for you to do so; otherwise, they are on their own since it was all their idea. And if they are inviting themselves at a time that is not good for you, you can certainly decide how much time to spend with them.
You have a right to decide how long visitors stay in your home or other property you own, especially if they are inviting themselves. They may be able to impose "cultural expectations" in their own environment, but in your environment, your "cultural expectations" win, since it's your home and culture they have chosen to visit. They would certainly demand that you respect their culture if you were visiting in their home. You are entitled to do the same. Don't feel bad. Make your boundaries known and stick to them.
I don't travel to Guam to see family unless I'm able to stay at least two weeks. I'm not going to spend thousands of dollars on a flight to stay 3 or 4 days. And traveling that far is very physically and mentally taxing (and it's even harder on the elderly). The stay has to be long enough to make it worth all the adjusting that I have to do going both ways. So it's not just money.
Luckily, I have a number of options for lodging, so I don't mind moving from one cousin's house to another a couple of times so that I'm not a burden on one household for the entire stay.
OMG - it is physically taxing to travel....so you physically tax your hosts?
I can understand wanting to stay a bit - but I very quickly get enough of family. I would hope visitors could visit and then move on to find SOMETHING else in the country they want to see and do. Why would all the time have to be spent with family? Long visits, in my experience, end up being people sitting around in the same room staring at each other (or nowadays their phones) - quantity but not a lot of quality.
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and we haven't spoken since 
