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Are you working now? Why can't you help out the grandmother who has been very, very good to you?
My grandmother and I know each other’s schedules and she asks my mom to help her when I’m not available and my mom frequently tries to shirk her responsibilities.
My grandmother has let us live in an old house in desperate need of renovation that would have otherwise sat vacant until my great grandmothers death 1 3/4 years ago because she forbid anyone to sell it before she died.
We pay all utilities and have taken over paying the property tax.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
I inherited a money pit. My name is now even on the deed.
You knew the house needed renovating when it was offered to you. You signed on for it.
You also knew your mother has major issues, and can't be relied upon to care for your grandmother, who has provided for your entire family for years. I'm sorry to read she now needs help herself. But Txt, you need to be the one to step up. Your mother, based on the history you have posted over the years, didn't even step up for you and your brother. Leave your mother out of the conversation, and do what you can for the woman who has been there for you all along, your grandmother.
Have you tried sending your mother your daily/weekly schedule with times when you won't be available? You control your life, not her. It might not stop all the requests but it might reduce them. However, if she really doesn't get the whole idea of checking with you ahead of time before asking, it probably won't.
You also knew your mother has major issues, and can't be relied upon to care for your grandmother, who has provided for your entire family for years. I'm sorry to read she now needs help herself. But Txt, you need to be the one to step up. Your mother, based on the history you have posted over the years, didn't even step up for you and your brother. Leave your mother out of the conversation, and do what you can for the woman who has been there for you all along, your grandmother.
How does that address the OP's question?
And she already says she does more for her grandmother than the person who lives with her grandmother.
Well, don't you think you should help out with your grandmother? That shouldn't just be you mother's responsibility.
Not the point. The point is=-- the last-minute nature of the demands, + the fact that they're demands, not requests, without inquiring to find out if the OP is even available. If these errands had been requested a day or two in advance, after ascertaining whether the OP is available, I'm sure she'd be happy to help.
And she already says she does more for her grandmother than the person who lives with her grandmother.
Her mother has no right to make demands on Txt's time. However, her grandmother does. Txt owes her a lot. Maybe she needs to anticipate her grandmother's needs, and not wait for her mother's unwanted interference.
Just ignore the mum texts and if she’s rude ignore that too. If your grandmother is needing help then just call her at the beginning of the week and ask her and let her know what you can and can’t do based on your own schedule/appts.
Well, don't you think you should help out with your grandmother? That shouldn't just be you mother's responsibility.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Not the point. The point is=-- the last-minute nature of the demands, + the fact that they're demands, not requests, without inquiring to find out if the OP is even available. If these errands had been requested a day or two in advance, after ascertaining whether the OP is available, I'm sure she'd be happy to help.
Oh but it is very much the point. You help your grandmother when she needs help, not just when it's convenient for you.
Not the point. The point is=-- the last-minute nature of the demands, + the fact that they're demands, not requests, without inquiring to find out if the OP is even available. If these errands had been requested a day or two in advance, after ascertaining whether the OP is available, I'm sure she'd be happy to help.
Thank you.
Exactly my point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
Her mother has no right to make demands on Txt's time. However, her grandmother does. Txt owes her a lot. Maybe she needs to anticipate her grandmother's needs, and not wait for her mother's unwanted interference.
She expects my moms help in exchange for her living there.
Just recently my mom took her somewhere and decided she didn’t want pick her up. So we had to drive to her house, pick up her car with the wheelchair thing and then to where she was and then back to her house and we were almost late to what we had to do that day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
Oh but it is very much the point. You help your grandmother when she needs help, not just when it's convenient for you.
Like I said sometimes I can’t just drop what I’m doing.
I have medical issues of my own and I’m in physical therapy 3x a week, as well as the chiropractor 3x a week.
So it takes time in the morning to make my own breakfast. feed my own pets, take a shower and get ready for the things I’m doing that day, the drive time to and from those things.
If I’m at the physical therapist and my mom doesn’t feel like taking my grandmother to one of her groups I can’t just look at the therapist and be like peace out broseph and leave.
If I’m half dressed, hair wet, in my underwear and bra leave my house to go make my grandmother breakfast when my mom is simply being lazy.
I don’t have the convenience of living with her.
I can’t just run into the kitchen and continue getting ready while I make eggs and toast for her.
She expects my moms help in exchange for her living there.
Just recently my mom took her somewhere and decided she didn’t want pick her up. So we had to drive to her house, pick up her car with the wheelchair thing and then to where she was and then back to her house and we were almost late to what we had to do that day.
Like I said sometimes I can’t just drop what I’m doing.
I have medical issues of my own and I’m in physical therapy 3x a week, as well as the chiropractor 3x a week.
So it takes time in the morning to make my own breakfast. feed my own pets, take a shower and get ready for the things I’m doing that day, the drive time to and from those things.
If I’m at the physical therapist and my mom doesn’t feel like taking my grandmother to one of her groups I can’t just look at the therapist and be like peace out broseph and leave.
If I’m half dressed, hair wet, in my underwear and bra leave my house to go make my grandmother breakfast when my mom is simply being lazy.
I don’t have the convenience of living with her.
I can’t just run into the kitchen and continue getting ready while I make eggs and toast for her.
Stop dealing with your mother, she isn't your problem. Tell your grandmother to call you directly when she needs a ride, or food, and make her aware of your dr appointments so she can plan around them. Your mother is not going to change. Once again, your grandmother has been very, very good to you over the years, IIRC that includes a car, at least one computer, money for college, and a house.
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