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It was fun and stress free. Now it's things like trying to find competent people to do home repairs. Paperwork to do. I no more finish one thing and there's something else to deal with. Could be worse, tho.
(I thought it might be good to put a time-frame on these stories too--mine would be the 80s and 90s; my parents would be 50s and 60s, they were born mid to late 1940s).
I was just talking about this the other day with my Mom. I told her how shocked I was to hear of the horror stories of some other people's childhood. Mine was mostly good, with a mix of a few bad times on occasion. My parents were working class, I'd say lower-middle class. My father was a good provider and he was the only father in the neighborhood who spent time with the children. I remember countless times when he would play football with us children and our friends (well, in that particular case it wouldn't be me but my brother and his friends), and outdoor things like that. But he did have a temper that would flare up on occasion. My sister was an instigator of that; she caused a ton of grief for my parents.
My mom on the other hand was entirely loving and self-sacrificing, but not an ounce of discipline (whereas my dad overdid it with his temper; that was his only way of disciplining by yelling and spanking us kids with a belt when that didn't work. I still believe this is the only way some kids will listen; definitely still an advocate of corporal punishment from parents in appropriate situations which typically is rare). My brother and sister walked all over her. I was different from them; I had my rebellious streak for a year in high school--once I even ditched school and broke into the home by way of a basement window of this boy that I liked, and then called my mom from their home to pick me up. What an moron. But I was a stupid young kid, so I did stupid things. There was some other things, like me telling my mom I was going to a friend's house for a birthday party but I hung out with that boy and his friends instead; and then I also remember walking home from someone's house at like 2 in the morning; yep, pretty stupid.
But after all that, I stopped hanging around with those people after that year and miraculously gained my parent's trust back. So the scared part is from me staying in my room when my father would lose his temper. I was bullied for 2 years in elementary school but not terribly bad. Thankfully I lost contact with those people in high school and made some friends. But overall, I remember my childhood as mostly good with really fond memories. Some really happy times which I enjoyed and had so much fun. I was going to write for the 3 to 5 words--"Fond memories, some bad times". That describes it as well. My sister holds a grudge against my parents because they didn't cave into her every desire, like buy her the clothes she wanted and let her accept collect calls from her boyfriend when his mom told her he couldn't talk long-distance anymore to her.
Things like this would really set my father's temper off (luckily he never found out about the phone calls because my mom paid them; my sister treated my mom like dirt). So she blames him for loosing control of his temper but doesn't realize that she was an instigator in that (not that it makes it okay for him to yell like that, but it's not like there wasn't any instigation going on. Similar to if someone in your family is an alcoholic--you want them to give up drinking and they try, but when he gets together with the family someone asks him if he wants a drink; kind of hard to get over an addiction if someone offers it to you. Yes, the alcoholic should refuse it, but the person offering it is in the wrong as well).
My family though doesn't have anyone who is cruel or manipulative or narcissistic (overly, my sister probably leans that way but she does help out in dire situations; only dire situations. When my father had acute kidney failure she spent a ton of time talking with the doctors and helping him out with books about dietary ways to contribute to good health in chronic kidney disease. So she has her good side too). I just read about some of these situations and compared to that it was like my childhood was a paradise. Therefore I am very thankful for my parents and the family I have. Though it wasn't perfect, I was loved and provided for and was taught very good character traits like hard work and generosity.
I noticed some people on here saying their husband's childhood was worse and it was that way for me and my mom. My husband had an abusive alcoholic father (who once threw his brother against a wall); my dad also came from a home where his parents were alcoholics and fought all the time (my mom thinks this is why it was easier for him to loose control of his temper because he grew up around all this yelling and fighting). My mom had the perfect childhood--both parents loving and calm and she never remembered either of her parents raising their voice; she also remembers just one time when her father said a bad word (and not even a very bad word, she thinks it was "hell"). I told her I don't think very many people had such a perfect childhood as she did; I think she was one of the very few out there.
She grew up dirt poor too. Her family, her and her parents of course and 3 brothers lived in a 2 bedroom apartment for most her childhood. When she was I think around 17 the back flat opened and her and her brothers rented that one out too and that was the first time in her life when she had her own room. When she was very young she shared a room with her brothers, then she slept on the couch when it wasn't appropriate for her to share her brother's room anymore; she said she remembered when family came over to visit she would sleep in her parent's bed until they left and then her mom or dad would come over to take her over to the couch. She remembers her childhood as a heaven on earth and would go back to that in a heartbeat.
Last edited by Basiliximab; 05-16-2021 at 04:31 AM..
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