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Christmas was almost always just really stressful and a lot of work. I don't miss all of that. This year I'm just getting together with friends who don't have family nearby. We also got together for Thanksgiving. We went to an inexpensive breakfast place that was also offering a traditional Thanksgiving plate. We then went to a movie, and afterwards went to a hotel that was serving food. Nobody had to cook or clean. It was wonderful.
For Christmas Eve, we're going to do the same, and on Christmas Day, we're going to order a prepared meal from Safeway that we just have to heat up, and we're going to use paper plates and plastic forks and just enjoy each other's company and maybe play some games. And we're going to do a Secret Santa thing, so we each just have to buy one gift, maximum $20. I really hate the pressure of gift-giving, so we are going to do it this way. I just don't have the money to buy a bunch of nice gifts, and if someone gives me one, it actually stresses me out. So, I announced to my friends that I can make them all pesto if they want, because I have a huge indoor basil garden, but that I can't afford to buy them all gifts, even though I'd love to. We discussed it and decided to do the Secret Santa thing. Maybe they just didn't want my pesto LOL.
But, yes, I'm really happy about the changes. I don't want to be alone on Christmas, because then I feel sad. But, I also don't want any of the work or pressure that's associated with it. So, I'm happy with the new changes. And I don't have to feel angry that the women do so much more work than the men. If we just go out, or buy ready-made meals and use paper plates, none of that is an issue.
Oh, and I love that my friends are from other countries, and the men aren't into football! LOL. It's so nice to have holidays without football being front and center.
NoMoreSnow, that sounds perfect! I used to invite my single friends or couples with no kids. I would cook a turkey and they'd bring everything else. That was in the 80s and 90s when I had time.
Growing up, we hardly ever had a “real” Christmas (we lived with a checked-out single father, who couldn’t really be bothered) aside from what my brother and I cobbled together ourselves for each other. It was really lame, but we did the best we could.
My husband’s family was extremely religious, and their Christmases were rather quiet and somber, but it was also one of the few times a year that they were doted on by their parents.
So when we started a family of our own, we (well, mostly me) made a BFD about Christmas. We don’t buy a lot of gifts and we since we both have little family, there are really big get-togethers, but I go nuts with the decorating (11 months of the year I can’t tolerate such clutter), ugly sweaters, too much wine and not enough cheese, making or buying treats for anyone I can think of.
This year is different is a little different because we have a couple of adolescents at home; they don’t really care so much about toys anymore; just clothes or money. So Santa’s got some challenges ahead, making that look festive.
I think that sounds very nice, and you should stick to your guns and keep it just the two of you, the way you've planned. And if it turns out you miss having more company, you can tweak the plan next year. But at least you'll have given it a shot this year to see how it feels.
I for one would love to be in a different place at Christmas. Like northern Europe. Or the Bahamas. Can't do it quite yet.
Just like most folks who are up in years, my Christmases have gone through many phases of life. From the magic and excitement of childhood, through raising my own kids, and then to seeing it all again through the eyes of my grandchildren.
As a mom, Christmas was stressful, always trying to make everything perfect for everyone else. My eyelids started twitching around Thanksgiving and didn't stop until New Years, a manifestation of the stress I was under of my own making. Kids are grown up now and have families of their own, and are making their own memories and traditions. DH and I live several hours away from them, and we can't afford to travel (and neither can they) so we spend our Christmases with just the two of us.
It has been very difficult for me to accept this new phase of life, being so far from my family. Our first Christmas alone I cried all day, thinking about all of them having Christmas without me, opening their presents (we had nothing under our tree) and just getting on with their own lives. This will be our fourth holiday season away from everyone. It has gotten a little better each year, kind of settling into the new normal. But Christmas for me is now bittersweet, and I am truly glad when it's all over with.
I too have lost most of the elder generation of my family, and in turn, we've lost the glue that held the cousins together. My husband's family is out of state, and with our farm to take care of... we can't travel. We've had a couple gatherings in the past couple of years, but not on the holidays. Summer is a better time for big family gatherings.
So our Christmas is now small... without company we don't feel a huge need to put up a lot of decorations, but I'm still hopeful I'll do a few before it's over.
I think it's OK for Christmas to change as we go through the seasons of our lives... We've had Christmases that were huge, we're having the quiet years now.
big extended family get togethers, then as grandparents die, nuclear family get togethers. Then married Christmas, included both families or on our own.
Now divorced and no kids so holidays alone but not a hardship...I'm totally an introvert! Just a different way of enjoying this season.
I agree - the key is finding joy in each season of our lives, and personally I believe that joy comes from within. I don't personally think it's detrimental to think about Christmases past - in fact, I like laying on the sofa at night during December, with candles glowing, listening to old Christmas music and thinking about all those Christmases in the past.
What's the worst to me is my mom's situation, with advanced dementia and probably no memories left of Christmases past.
I agree - the key is finding joy in each season of our lives, and personally I believe that joy comes from within. I don't personally think it's detrimental to think about Christmases past - in fact, I like laying on the sofa at night during December, with candles glowing, listening to old Christmas music and thinking about all those Christmases in the past.
What's the worst to me is my mom's situation, with advanced dementia and probably no memories left of Christmases past.
That must be very hard but I imagine she had some wonderful holidays with you and the rest of the family.
If she does have memories, it'll be good ones. Sorry she is going through this...I know it's painful for family.
I think you have a big holiday celebration coming up...? Hope you enjoy!
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