Is this strange or am I making this more strange than it really is (wife, introducing)
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I mean just the other day I had a random guy request to be my friend on LinkedIn then later exchange messages flirting, and ask me on a date. Is this a thing new where people are using websites not meant for dating or friendships necessarily to establish relationships and friendships on the sly? When I joined that forum where I met this guy, I was there to talk about music not to meet anyone. I suppose I’m embarrassed that I even have this friendship to begin with, and I know it’s because of my personal feelings and the judgement I know I would get.
You started communicating with this guy because you have things in common and you enjoy talking to him, right? That's what we're all doing here, now. That's how friendships start. Many people have few connections in real life and many online. It's really nothing to be all that embarrassed about.
This didn't start out as looking for an online romantic relationship. Maybe examine how you feel about that and where you are now.
Did I miss where the guy is going to stay? Or will he slide into your home, just stay after he invites himself for dinner and not go home that night and you don't know how to get him to leave?
One clue to problems....if he starts getting mail at your address.
Sounds funny but could happen. He needs a place to have his mail forwarded after all while he is away from home.
He is staying at a hotel. And yes I have been examining how I ended up in this position, and I’m
Literally scratching my head, puzzled at how I let this happen. I think it’s because I wasn’t aware that this is a thing people do. I’m one of those people that will exchange numbers just as a polite gesture when someone brings it up, but have no plans on actually entertaining things further or contacting them. Or i’ll say “oh we should meet up sometime” with no intention. And in the past, I’m assuming the other people thought like me, because no they never contacted me and vice versus, and we never did try to meet up! Lol. It was fake niceness.
That’s what I did here. Like I mentioned before, when he actually called me, I was weirded out. And when he took me saying “oh that would be cool if you came out here” to actually come out here, I was like
I guess I let a lot slide because of my own assumptions. I preferred the anonymity of our friendship because I could say whatever I wanted, things I held back from friends and family, and guys I’ve been dating. Bleh.
You started communicating with this guy because you have things in common and you enjoy talking to him, right? That's what we're all doing here, now. That's how friendships start. Many people have few connections in real life and many online. It's really nothing to be all that embarrassed about.
Thank you! Yes I do enjoy talking to him. Honestly no one in my friend group or family gets on forums. Or anything like that. They found it very weird when they found out for instance that I watched ASMR on YouTube. It was just weird to everyone. They didn’t understand. My youngest sister is 27, so I know my family and friends will judge me so hard for this. Bleh lol.
Over the summer I was posting online on a music website that I used to frequent and ended up becoming friends with one another user. We sent private messages back and forth for a while, but the website was becoming distracting(spending too much time on it) so I decided to stop posting on it, and I let him know that it was nice getting to know him but that I wouldn’t be back on the site. He ended up giving me his number, and telling me if I ever wanted to talk to give him a call. To be polite I also gave him my number but I didn’t expect for us to be in further contact. He reached out to me a week later—I was surprised. From there we started back talking again. It transformed from talking once or twice a week, but now we talk nearly every day. Now he lives up North and I live down south. So I considered him my phone friend. We’ve exchanged photos, know each other’s names, etc.
Anyway a couple of weeks ago he mentioned places he wants to visit when he graduates from grad school(which is happening this month) and he mentioned that the first city he would like to visit is my city. And I was like “oh that would be cool” but to be honest I really didn’t mean anything by it. He then told me he would like to come visit me, and i kind of cringed(not sure why) because he’s just my phone buddy. Last week, he brought it up again—in fact he’s been bringing it up more and more, and finally he asked me if he could come on a specific weekend(told me the dates) because he had looked up the cost of plane tickets and wanted to purchase them so that he could come out here and visit me.
I found it weird and I didn’t know how to respond, but I said that the dates he planned to visit were fine. So it was confirmed, and I don’t know why I’m finding it weird but I just am. For reference I’m a 31 year old woman with a 7 year old son, he’s 25. I enjoy the conversations we have and our phone friendship but I’m finding the idea of him flying out here to visit me weird. And ever since the dates have been confirmed, he keeps talking about how excited he is to meet me and it’s making me feel weird. I know I’m probably just tripping,but is this a thing for people to make friends online and go visit each other? I know it’s a thing with dating but I honestly don’t know anyone who’s done this sort of thing for friendship, so I’m just wondering if this is something that others have done?
I have done it, and we are still friends...but trust your gut.
You started communicating with this guy because you have things in common and you enjoy talking to him, right? That's what we're all doing here, now. That's how friendships start. Many people have few connections in real life and many online. It's really nothing to be all that embarrassed about.
Most don't start with the friend talking dirty to you. Again, OP has a young child, I just think caution is warranted. I would meet in a public place, I would not let him get private info about where you live exactly, and I would make sure he will be doing other things and not just coming to see you. Don't introduce him to your son.
Many times people think online getting to know someone is the same as real life. It's not. I did online dating for a decade before I met my honey (not online) and I can tell you it is not the same. There are a lot of people who can converse easily online and are witty, and in person they are different, and the connection is isn't there. Even with guys I had amazing conversations with online. In person it was like oil and water.
I had a couple of very loooong dates, in which a man drove a long distance to meet me (like 2-3 hours), and I knew 2 minutes after meeting them that it was a huge mistake, but because they drove so far, I felt obligated to spend the entire day with them. Let me tell you it sucks big time to spend the whole day knowing at the end you're going to tell him it's not a love match. It's very awkward, one guy kept trying to hold my hand and I didn't know what to do, and I spent them counting the seconds till they were over.
The worst was a guy I actually met IN person, on vacation, and we had a fabulous day and night together before my vacation ended (no we did not have sex!). We went to attractions together, and on a horse and carriage ride, and had drinks at little outdoor cafes. We seemed to never run out of things to say and had great conversations. It felt like TRUE LOVE, lol.
So once we were back in our home cities, we made plans for him to come visit me. Which he did about 3 weeks later. I realized it was a huge mistake AT THE AIRPORT, lol. Outside of the magical drunken setting of a vacation, we had nothing to say to each other! As we drove to my place in silence interspersed with forced small talk, I realized what I remembered as fantastic conversation was actually a combination of Margherita's and me doing all the talking!
Let me tell you that was the longest weekend of my life! We barely were civil by the end of it. In hindsight and with the wisdom of age, I was lucky as it could have turned out worse. He was a total stranger and I was stupid for doing any of it. So don't commit to too much and have a backup plan.
I'm not sure if not being interested in a relationship is meaning the same thing to you as it would to a young male or even most males for that matter. To me this means a casual hook-up. I really just can't think of a reason a young male would fly out to your city and book a hotel room just to meet you without having something else on his mind. Part of me believes that you really don't know if you want this to happen or not. If you really didn't want to hook up, you would not consider going out with him. When/if you do hook up with him and he stops talking to you, he can come back to the fact he said he wasn't looking for a "relationship." Before you go through with this, I would just be honest with yourself so you have no regrets down the road.
I'm not sure if not being interested in a relationship is meaning the same thing to you as it would to a young male or even most males for that matter. To me this means a casual hook-up. I really just can't think of a reason a young male would fly out to your city, book a hotel room just to meet you and then go about planning out "dates" for you and him without having something else on his mind. Part of me believes that you really don't know if you want this to happen or not. If you really didn't want to hook up, you would not consider going out with him. When/if you do hook up with him and he stops talking to you, he can come back to the fact he said he wasn't looking for a "relationship." Before you go through with this, I would just be honest with yourself so you have no regrets down the road.
There's nothing the OP has said that introduces the idea of "going out", or the guy "planning out 'dates' ". She started out doubting that it was a good idea at all to agree to his flying out to her town. All anyone has suggested here, is either to tell him not to buy the ticket, or to limit contact to coffee or lunch, nothing more. You're making a lot of assumptions.Furthermore, the OP has posted at least twice, since getting some advice, that she's going to tell him not to make the trip.
It really helps to read the thread, or at least, to skim the OP's posts.
There's nothing the OP has said that introduces the idea of "going out", or the guy "planning out 'dates' ". She started out doubting that it was a good idea at all to agree to his flying out to her town. All anyone has suggested here, is either to tell him not to buy the ticket, or to limit contact to coffee or lunch, nothing more. You're making a lot of assumptions.Furthermore, the OP has posted at least twice, since getting some advice, that she's going to tell him not to make the trip.
It really helps to read the thread, or at least, to skim the OP's posts.
I took out the dates part. I still stand by the rest of it. I do make a lot of assumptions.
I'm not sure if not being interested in a relationship is meaning the same thing to you as it would to a young male or even most males for that matter. To me this means a casual hook-up. I really just can't think of a reason a young male would fly out to your city and book a hotel room just to meet you without having something else on his mind. Part of me believes that you really don't know if you want this to happen or not. If you really didn't want to hook up, you would not consider going out with him. When/if you do hook up with him and he stops talking to you, he can come back to the fact he said he wasn't looking for a "relationship." Before you go through with this, I would just be honest with yourself so you have no regrets down the road.
There are a LOT of needy men. Men who have trouble meeting women, and when they do meet one, go overboard and want insta-relationship to the point you start to feel afraid of the intensity of the guy. Most men wouldn't fly that far on the off-chance of a hook-up, especially after she shot down the sexy talk already. To me he sounds like the needy clinger type not hook up artist.
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