Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-17-2018, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
14,416 posts, read 11,959,919 times
Reputation: 38811

Advertisements

Friends will come and go in our lives, We sometimes end up on a different path for awhile, people end up busy, or focused on something else or new relationships or kids or family matters.... Sometimes we circle back around, or they do, and we can reconnect and catch up. Be a friendly person, or not. Your choice
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-17-2018, 07:54 PM
 
10,226 posts, read 7,540,442 times
Reputation: 23155
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppiesandKittens View Post
Like all of us, I’ve had a few friendships fade away, and the fading was clearly intended by the former friend. There was no falling out and the friend didn’t move; it was just clear that the friendship quietly ended. No discussion and no hard feelings; it happens.

Twice recently, the former friend has reached out (by email) to get together. We’re all straight middle-aged guys and perhaps they were short of friends and figured that maybe rekindling an old friendship was the way to go. Or maybe they didn’t intend to end the friendship; who knows.

I’m not interested and didn’t bother responding. Sorry- don’t end the friendship and expect me to be there when you want. I don’t miss the friendship and I thought that it ended at the right time.

How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?
Sure. If I liked them. Sometimes friendships fade away because you live too far apart. It's not practical to have a long distance friendship. Or even if one or the other did something stupid, but not serious, so it was left not in a good way...but years go by, people grow up, and you still would like each other.

So sure. I'm always interested in having friendships with people. They add so much to a person's life. Of course, if they've changed a lot or have issues, that changes things.

I wouldn't assume they reached out because they have no one else better to contact, as you suggest. Just like if I was interested in talking to them, meeting them for lunch...it wouldn't be because I have nothing better to do. I guess I basically like people, unless they have some big flaws like rudeness, meanness, substance abuse, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2018, 08:19 PM
 
4,482 posts, read 5,320,059 times
Reputation: 2966
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppiesandKittens View Post
Like all of us, I’ve had a few friendships fade away, and the fading was clearly intended by the former friend. There was no falling out and the friend didn’t move; it was just clear that the friendship quietly ended. No discussion and no hard feelings; it happens.

Twice recently, the former friend has reached out (by email) to get together. We’re all straight middle-aged guys and perhaps they were short of friends and figured that maybe rekindling an old friendship was the way to go. Or maybe they didn’t intend to end the friendship; who knows.

I’m not interested and didn’t bother responding. Sorry- don’t end the friendship and expect me to be there when you want. I don’t miss the friendship and I thought that it ended at the right time.

How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?
(I have not read the other replies)

In a way, and I mean this without sarcasm, you're fortunate. You actually had people come back to you. Perhaps their motives were selfish, bu they at least thought of you.

In my case, friends who "faded away" didn't "unfade." They disappeared and stayed there. I miss some than others and to varying extents attempted to keep the friendship/friendships alive. For the overwhelming most part, my efforts were in vain.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2018, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
19,719 posts, read 16,779,154 times
Reputation: 41862
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppiesandKittens View Post
Like all of us, I’ve had a few friendships fade away, and the fading was clearly intended by the former friend. There was no falling out and the friend didn’t move; it was just clear that the friendship quietly ended. No discussion and no hard feelings; it happens.

Twice recently, the former friend has reached out (by email) to get together. We’re all straight middle-aged guys and perhaps they were short of friends and figured that maybe rekindling an old friendship was the way to go. Or maybe they didn’t intend to end the friendship; who knows.

I’m not interested and didn’t bother responding. Sorry- don’t end the friendship and expect me to be there when you want. I don’t miss the friendship and I thought that it ended at the right time.

How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?


While I can understand why someone would want to reconnect with someone from their past, (maybe curiosity, or they sincerely want to keep in touch again), I am from the school of "Let the past stay in the past." I do not feel the need to reconnect with anyone from my past, not friends, not ex girlfriends, no one.

About 40 years ago, I did look up a guy who was my best friend for a good part of my teens. When I spoke with him, he had changed so much that I really didn't recognize him, and I got off the phone really sad and depressed. I wanted to remember him the way he was, not the way he is in later years.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2018, 08:31 PM
 
4,482 posts, read 5,320,059 times
Reputation: 2966
Quote:
Originally Posted by don1945 View Post
While I can understand why someone would want to reconnect with someone from their past, (maybe curiosity, or they sincerely want to keep in touch again), I am from the school of "Let the past stay in the past." I do not feel the need to reconnect with anyone from my past, not friends, not ex girlfriends, no one.

About 40 years ago, I did look up a guy who was my best friend for a good part of my teens. When I spoke with him, he had changed so much that I really didn't recognize him, and I got off the phone really sad and depressed. I wanted to remember him the way he was, not the way he is in later years.
I hear you.

There's a man I call my best friend. I've known him for more than 30 years and I can say in truth that he's one of the few men whom I'm not related to that I love (and don't feel gay about it).

When he's in a good mood, he's the guy everyone wants to have a drink with. But over the past few years, issues in his life have caused him some serious anger and grief, and more than once after a phone call ended I felt I had to detoxify myself of all the anger and hurt that was coming through the phone.

It's difficult - I have no idea what I'm going to get when I call him. Lately I haven't called him much. I'd like to have him as a close friend until we're old and gray, but I'm not sure it'll be healthy for me to do so if he doesn't get over his issues. Sure, we all have things in our lives that have made us suffer, but we need to know how to manage that and we need to somehow control these things so we can have normal, healthy, balanced friendships.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2018, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Honolulu/DMV Area/NYC
30,566 posts, read 18,069,396 times
Reputation: 34368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I don't take it personally when friends have not kept in touch. They're busy, I'm busy, life happens. So when somebody I haven't heard from in a while reaches out, I respond, favorably. I enjoyed their company in the past, so why would I assume I wouldn't going forward, or, they mine?

If you haven't missed the friendship, then they weren't actual friends, they were just people you knew.
I agree with you. Now, if the friendship ended because the friend (not me) put an end to the friendship (even if it wasn't done in a nasty way), then I'd be less inclined to rekindle.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2018, 10:44 PM
 
384 posts, read 270,630 times
Reputation: 574
I would welcome 99% of the individuals I've had past friendships with back if they contacted me again. The way I look at it, sometimes even the closest friendships dissolve like a morning fog in the afternoon, through no fault of either party. Time moves on and so do people and the stage of life they're currently in.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2018, 11:25 PM
 
6,784 posts, read 4,771,189 times
Reputation: 26037
If I liked them before they faded away, sure. I have had friends that I haven't seen for years get a hold of me and it's been like we just parted yesterday. But there were never problems to begin with, just distance or busy lives. I admit that sometimes it is me not having time to maintain friendships. They do take a little maintenance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2018, 01:59 AM
 
8,238 posts, read 6,558,508 times
Reputation: 23140
It seems most friendships which fade away for most people are because of the following negatives, rather than 'just being busy with life':

no longer liking the other person much

lack of interest in the other person or lack of much in common

one person gets on the other's nerves, one's personality is grating or unpleasant

lack of consideration in being on time, returning communications, standing one up, not being reliable

letting a person down in a myriad of ways

a growing apart because whatever activity brought them together no longer exists or is participated in

I think the above reasons are why some people might not welcome a rejuvenation of a lost friendship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2018, 06:30 AM
 
4,412 posts, read 3,447,815 times
Reputation: 14178
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppiesandKittens View Post
Like all of us, I’ve had a few friendships fade away, and the fading was clearly intended by the former friend. There was no falling out and the friend didn’t move; it was just clear that the friendship quietly ended. No discussion and no hard feelings; it happens.

Twice recently, the former friend has reached out (by email) to get together. We’re all straight middle-aged guys and perhaps they were short of friends and figured that maybe rekindling an old friendship was the way to go. Or maybe they didn’t intend to end the friendship; who knows.

I’m not interested and didn’t bother responding. Sorry- don’t end the friendship and expect me to be there when you want. I don’t miss the friendship and I thought that it ended at the right time.

How about you: when friendships fade and the person lives nearby, do you welcome the former friend reaching out?

If there were no hard feelings, I don't understand the snarky "sorry, don't end the friendship and expect..." part.

And as for "expecting me to be there when you want" part, how is someone supposed to reach out to see if there's interest? Make an appointment?

I get not not wanting to rekindle if you think the friendship has run its course, but why so bitter?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:39 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top