Baby is coming, drama up the wazoo!!! (Here we go again!) (wife, dysfunctional)
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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,579 posts, read 17,923,325 times
Reputation: 50612
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Quote:
Originally Posted by historyfan
I don't understand the concept of relatives hosting a shower that has any guests except family to "shower" the guest of honor with gifts.
When your sisters in law host a baby shower, it's very likely the mom to be will put her friends on the list, and also very likely that family she may not have met yet will be invited, as well as good friends of the grandmother to be, etc.
In other cases, you can have something like a work shower, that's hosted by a coworker (s) and only coworkers come.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,579 posts, read 17,923,325 times
Reputation: 50612
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheerbliss
OP's husband probably didn't want his four sisters in his kitchen, in his house, running around giving orders. (How else were they planning to cook for the shower?) If that was the case, I don't blame him for speaking up.
It seems unlikely the shower will be held in the home of the mom to be.
OP's husband probably didn't want his four sisters in his kitchen, in his house, running around giving orders. (How else were they planning to cook for the shower?) If that was the case, I don't blame him for speaking up.
OP: " When I tried to find out about the food, she stated they planned to cook(they are flying down 2 days before the event, staying 2 hours away) I did not want that but didn't say anything. Anyways, she somehow calmed down a little at the end of the conversation, we agreed she would update me on what they are doing, and I would text her what I want to get on my own so they know what I'm up to.
Told my husband about the conversation, he stated he would call her back and let her know she can bring what they already have but can leave everything else to us, as he is not ok with them cooking (rather cater it) and complicating things furthermore, and her having such a terrible attitude."
They were not using his kitchen. They were coming down two days early and staying two hours away.
It seems to me the husband (and possibly the OP) was annoyed it was not a formal catered event and took over the shower. It is rude.
OP, your husband should apologize and make amends.
The sisters were hosting the party. The husband took over. If she or her husband did not want them to host it they should not have accepted their invitation to do so. They knew the distance when they accepted the invitation. It sounds like drama all around.
Here is what the OP said:
Ah, ok I had forgotten he would have taken the costs. He took over one aspect, one which would've made things easier for everyone. Again we don't know how the conversation went.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
It seems unlikely the shower will be held in the home of the mom to be.
That's pretty unusual.
Yea, I was wondering about what the venue would've been, especially when the OP stated that they would've been staying in a place 2 hours away.
So many issues. First the sisters shouldn't have been throwing a shower for anyone but family. Second your husband is rude. They offered to throw you a shower and he kept trying to throw his own shower. That's wholely unacceptable.
You accepted their offer of a shower. Your job was to attend as guest of honor. Not dictate to them.
I agree with this. Showers for friends should be thrown by friends, and guest of honor simply shows up. Family showers should be for family only. In fact, family members throwing showers for anyone used to be frowned upon. I know times have changed, but when family invites a bunch of friends, it can be interpreted as a gift grab.
Guest of honor does not plan shower.
Now, it sounds as if whatever happens, happens. Honestly OP, this too shall pass. You have had experience with some rude family members, but this should not affect your joy in becoming a mother. So make up your mind to let this go, be happy with your impending motherhood, and in future give your in laws a wide berth.
I don't understand the concept of relatives hosting a shower that has any guests except family to "shower" the guest of honor with gifts.
I have never heard of this rule.
My family shower would have been pretty small if that were the case, and my aunt asked me for a guest list of friends. Not everybody has a huge family living locally.
OP's shower I don't quite understand - where was the venue? It is odd to try to plan a shower from a long distance in a place they don't live. I don't blame you for wanting to understand what the sisters were planning, but it does sound like your husband was pretty rude to them.
I can't imagine flying across the country only to be staying "2 hours away" from the couple and hopefully the venue of the event. Even small towns have hotels. I don't get it.
We don't have any info about the venue and the option of cooking, but it does sound overall easier, convenient to have a catering service instead. It would be less stress and less clean-up for everyone overall. For all we know, the husband could've been willing to pitch in or take the costs of that.
If the OP desires to make a call to her SILs... I wouldn't apologize for the husband "hi-jacking" the event-- that's giving the sisters ammunition. Just say sorry it didn't work out but hope we all can enjoy the party should suffice.
The venue is in our apartment complex (the clubhouse), the sisters would have been staying 2 hours away at a family member's house, cook the food for about 40 people and drive it over to us...way too much hassle! I suggested twice they could cater it with food from an affordable restaurant down the street from us. My husband actually stated he rather pay for everything or else they will use them doing us a favor to require a favor back (that's how it's been in the past, according to him). I rather refrain from calling any one at this point, have to keep my stress level down. I did politely text the upset sister to say thanks for everything anyway, just kept it short. No need to engage any further.
I can't imagine flying across the country only to be staying "2 hours away" from the couple and hopefully the venue of the event. Even small towns have hotels. I don't get it.
They don't want to pay for a hotel, so they are staying at one of their family members house, as of course we have no room, living in a small apartment.
Wow I'm sorry..they sound like horrible people. I also have issues with my husband's family and trust me, it'll get worst when your baby comes.
I get you were trying to be social and civil and friendly, but some people just don't care. maybe next time you'll listen to your husband and just not try so hard.
With my first baby, my sil did my shower. Now that we moved, no one did a shower with my second pregnancy. But I didn't care..I didn't expect anyone to fly here. We don't have friends or family here.
Anyway so now you really know how they are and maybe now you'll remember this experience and just let those sour pusses be.
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