Best way to refuse a drink from a stranger? (person, alcoholic, feel)
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You do not need to talk to the person sending the drink. Just tell the bartender No thank you. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
However, if you want, just tell the bartender you are not drinking that night, you don't drink, you are not available, you are already in a relationship, etc.
Just reading through some of the discussion, and the question is posed as an etiquette question from the point of view of the recipient... how to best refuse a 'gift' from a stranger in a bar.
The question assumes a sender who is capable of responding to a situation with grace. As we read above, in a bar, there is a good chance that the sender is a jerk or a drunk. There is no polite answer for drunk jerks. They're going to behave like drunk jerks, and that's not the fault of anyone else. In that case, he is the bar's responsibility to manage, not yours. Ask for their help if you are uncomfortable or threatened.
Just reading through some of the discussion, and the question is posed as an etiquette question from the point of view of the recipient... how to best refuse a 'gift' from a stranger in a bar.
The question assumes a sender who is capable of responding to a situation with grace. As we read above, in a bar, there is a good chance that the sender is a jerk or a drunk. There is no polite answer for drunk jerks. They're going to behave like drunk jerks, and that's not the fault of anyone else. In that case, he is the bar's responsibility to manage, not yours. Ask for their help if you are uncomfortable or threatened.
Why is there a good chance the sender is a jerk? Does drinking alcohol in public automatically push one into jerk territory?
This thread is almost depressing. The first time I go to a bar & don't get hit on; I'm going to be depressed.
This isn't directed at the OP specifically but look:
Women can go wherever they want & whenever they want but if a woman can't handle going to a bar & either politely declining or accepting a drink; then maybe she shouldn't be there. This isn't a "Men vs Women" issue, this is an "I'm a grown-up" issue.
If you take your work to the one place where others go to escape it; don't expect a great working environment. Don't go to a social venue & complain when someone tries to socialize. If you want to call "house rules" then stay home.
I'm not a drinker. I go to bars anyway. Bartenders don't just appear bearing some cup of mysterious, tainted love potion when a guy buys you a drink! They either bring you another of what you previously ordered, or they say "What would you like?"
Either way, I get a glass of ice water with lemon. Or nothing; if I don't feel like it. Either way, I say "Thank you!" to the guy. Geez, they deserve at least that, just for having the b***s to deal with us, if nothing else.
Never have I felt obligated to provide them with more than a smile & a thank you. Never has any guy taken it there (Nightclubs might be the exception). I suppose if I acted ugly; I could expect ugly back ... I don't get a pass on that because I'm a woman. I might get a pass on that if I were a child but I'm not. I'm a grown-up.
When & if I've wanted to; I've "provided" way more than a smile to guys who both bought me a drink or didn't buy me a drink. (Add; "whoever I want" to the list above)That's my privilege; I'm not going to surrender it, nor apologize for it.
So go on & go to the bar; when, where & why you want to. Don't try to call house rules just play by your own rules. If you can't take the heat in the kitchen? You don't turn off the stove; you leave the kitchen. Seriously, if men don't understand women; its probably because we over-complicate very simple things.
To be honest, anyone who sends me an unsolicited drink automatically gets lumped in the "inconsiderate, presumptuous d-bag" category. It's a move on par with cheesy pickup lines.
First of all, he's assuming I want a drink (and no, being in a bar doesn't automatically mean I want an alcoholic beverage. Perhpas I'm looking for someplace quiet and just want a soda or iced tea), and he assumes I'm going to like whatever drink he chooses. Men often assume that women like fruity, sugary drinks ... I'd rather have a bourbon neat.
The guys who still try the "send a drink from across the bar" move do it because they think it's a cool move. It's not. If someone's interested in buying me a drink, I'd much prefer that he come over and ask "could I buy you a drink? What would you like?"
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