What should I do?My parents are dead-set on choosing my job for me. (wife, presents)
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You are a college-educated adult and still being supported by your parents? Then, yes, they can require you to take any job they say in order to continue that support.
You don't want the job? No problem. Get used to supporting yourself.
While this attitude may not be "common" in this snowflake society; it is the correct way to teach independence and self-sufficiency.
OP, your parents could show you the door. They are giving you the option of finding a job... ANY job.
Unfortunately a course in the Arts doesn't have many job openings and if they do, they pay very little. Use art as a hobby until the day comes that you find a decent paying job in the Arts (good luck with that).
Until then, get a job or move to another city, rent a room and find a job there.
Time to be independent and give your parents some slack. They are just trying to teach you that living isn't free.
Hi everyone,
I am a college grad.I dont have the best degree because I was not the best at math.I have been applying for jobs. I interviewed for a job doing physical labor.I want to apply for more jobs but my parents are making me take this job.They say they will take hundreds a month away from me and wash their hands of me if i dont take this job.Moving out is not an option in the city I live because rent is so high.What should I do?Is it normal for parents to choose the jobs for their children and impose such strict consequences if they dont comply?I feel like I cant resist them because I dont want to disrespect them.I dont know what to do....Im afraid they will take away a lot of money from me if I dont take it. I pay my parents rent out of my savings.
I don't see a problem with disrespecting them if they don't respect you. I would think that your best bet is to accept this job, [I assume it has been offered to you?", then continue your search for other jobs as you want too, If one of them comes through quit the one they want you to take and take the better one.
If they still impose the penalties you mention, then at least you will have proved the posters here wrong with the, " your parents want you to take any job " ideas.
Also how old are you? where do you live, area, and what is your cultural background?
Bada Bing, Bada Boom. Well done.
Very inspirational.
I'm afraid many young people these days not only fail to take a long view, they haven't been taught to Work Hard. And many certainly have no concept of perseverance. They lack character and are their own worst enemy.
So it begs the question: What does it take for someone like this to recognize their shortcomings and change their ways?
They haven't been told a number of things, about life after graduation.
1. Don't expect to be able to get your own 1-br. apt. Generations before you started out in shared accommodations, after graduating. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, if friends band together to rent an apt. or house, it can be a lot of fun, an instant community.
2. Expect to start at entry level, unless you have a high-demand degree. Where else would you start, right out of 4 yrs. of college, if not entry level? There's nothing wrong with that, either.
3. Expect to work your way upward, proving your worthiness to your employer. You won't get handed promotions, for doing the minimum requirements of your entry-level job.
4. For a growing number of career-oriented jobs, a BA isn't enough. Consider going to grad school, to make yourself more competitive and marketable. Example: back in the mid '90's, certain government-related jobs suddenly started requiring an MA. People already in those jobs at the time were required to go back to school while working, in order to meet the requirement by getting an MA. In the 2+ decades since then, more of this upgrading of requirements has taken place.
5. Making a go of your BA requires resourcefulness and good marketing on your part. The English majors that get good (ground floor) jobs with growth potential are the ones who thought creatively, searched out a variety of niches, and marketed themselves effectively via their resumes. Some were smart enough to do internships while in school, which either led directly to a permanent job, or provided them with connections, through which they were able to get interviews. If you can't find a job after graduation, consider an internship or temp job. Build from there.
6. Finding a job after graduation will take patience and perseverance. Use all resources at your disposal: your school's career placement center (they may have suggestions, and they also offer job-search how-to workshops, like resume-writing, interviewing, etc.), the faculty member/s you did your best work for, the academic adviser in your major's department, and friends and relatives, who may be able to hook you up.
OP there is another aspect of this you aren't considering. Often people learn more from jobs they DON'T want than from jobs they do. Even if its process of elimination. Its still learning.
Every job you take, whether it's just to pay the bills or get you out from under your parents, will teach you more about yourself and more about what you really do want.
Every job you take will expose you to others who may have the same problems you do. Just listening to them will probably focus your own thinking about your own life. What you are willing to take and what you are not willing to take.
Every job you take will expose you to reality. Even if the one thing you learn from it is "heck no I will never ever do this sort of work again no matter what!".
Your liberal arts education isn't entirely useless, so don't expect that to provide an excuse to sit around and mope. Hopefully it taught you to focus on a goal, to communicate with other humans, to read, to write reasonably well, to appreciate skills and talents, to appreciate quality, ethical behavior, and beauty. Not terrible things.
What it won't do is hand you a career. No degree can do that. The person holding the diploma has to do that. A liberal arts degree is really nothing more than a starting place...weeding out a few things that don't interest you or that you don't have any aptitude for.
OK, indulge me with a personal story. Anyone who doesn't want to read it can stop right here.
I started off in college with a fine arts curriculum. Yes, I was lucky to have loving parents who paid part of the tuition, helped me get student loans, and who appreciated genuine effort. They were supportive as long as I stuck to whatever it was. I usually had little jobs, summer jobs, part time kitchen work during school. The point was, I learned the value of those jobs even if it wasn't much.
The egghead college I attended let students "design" their own major if they could prove it made sense and they were motivated enough to work extra hard. Mine was a bit esoteric, but the details don't matter. Point was, I learned that I wasn't a prodigy...not a performer, not charismatic, no brilliant skills or latent talents in any of the arts I loved. I wasn't going to make a career out of any of them despite being devoted. To be satisfied with some sort of production of art in some big metropolis, or supporting or managing prima donnas who did have those talents was going to be torture. Realized this in my junior year. What to do now?
You never know when inspiration will hit you. When something you vaguely suspected or took for granted will suddenly become crystal clear. It can change the direction of your life if you open your mind enough. There is SOMETHING in your mind that matters to you. Sometimes a failure will let you discover it.
I always had this love and curiosity about wild lands and wild creatures. When I was bored or down, I tended to go outdoors and wander, watching birds or other creatures that happen to show up. I loved spending time in rugged undeveloped places. Suddenly, down in the depths and pretty lost, it hit me like a two ton bronze bell ringing. I cared more about them than almost anything else. What had always been just a hobby suddenly became important.
I had no idea what to do with it, but could hardly sleep until I found out. Called employment agencies asking what sorts of careers worked with wildlife. What degrees and qualifications I might need to get those jobs. Called my parents and told them I wanted to change my course of study from fine arts to wildlife biology. Stunned worried silence. My mother cautiously commenting "But honey, you don't LIKE science!" I'll never forget the visit to the university that offered such degrees and talking with one of the student counselors. He had lost 3 fingers in an old-fashioned coyote trap 30 years before. He stared a little blankly at my college transcripts listing Russian literature, baroque music, graphic illustration, and philosophy courses and commented "Are you sure you want to do this?"
Was I scared? You bet your knickers I was scared. I had NO coursework background, just obscure courses in various arts and culture. NO personal experience with hunting, fishing, agriculture, forestry, no family experience with any of it either. My family never left the pavement. Their idea of a vacation was sitting on a beach reading books. Other students in wildlife biology courses (and my competitors) would have grown up fishing, hunting, with outdoor skills and knowledge. Backgrounds in science, statistics, research, etc.
Still, now I had a focus, goal, direction, vocation, whatever you want to call it. As for the "useless" arts curriculum, even that didn't go entirely to waste. So, you let down your guard, admit what you don't know, open your mind to learn as much as you can. Ironically, all the art training I had made me a careful discriminating observer of those wild situations. I found some of the scientific data collection easy, which made me marketable. If I couldn't get the exact job I dreamed of I took one that would teach me skills valuable later. I did work that paid the bills "in the mean time". I got involved with local interest groups, volunteered, showed up at events with those interests, and did whatever I could to get those sorts of experiences. There are people who recognize and appreciate determination and devotion. It all paid off. There was a lot of frustration, a lot of discouraging times, but I just knew this was what I was supposed to do.
My apologies for the long drawn out preach.
BTW, I recently retired from a 35 year career in wildlife biology, public land management, wilderness and environmental policy. I miss some of it but was also ready to put it down. There's a lot of satisfaction, a retirement account and assets in the bank.
It was worth the trip.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-13-2019 at 05:04 PM..
Hi everyone,
I am a college grad.I dont have the best degree because I was not the best at math.I have been applying for jobs. I interviewed for a job doing physical labor.I want to apply for more jobs but my parents are making me take this job.They say they will take hundreds a month away from me and wash their hands of me if i dont take this job.Moving out is not an option in the city I live because rent is so high.What should I do?Is it normal for parents to choose the jobs for their children and impose such strict consequences if they dont comply?I feel like I cant resist them because I dont want to disrespect them.I dont know what to do....Im afraid they will take away a lot of money from me if I dont take it. I pay my parents rent out of my savings.
Reading over your responses here, I say it's "Welcome to the American Way". This is typical of how Americans treat their own families nowadays - you have to move out now because that's "how it's supposed to be in America".
But... no the other hand, maybe you should have picked a more practical degree program after some research. Maybe your... uh... parents.... could have done more to help you along in that regard.... I don't know... but you're in a common predicament now.
It's not the America of the 50s, 60s and 70s anymore. Things have changed economically, and a lot of people your parents' age haven't realized it.
Look, here's the best advice I can give you: Consider joining the military. With a college degree, you could get a commission as an officer. I would not agree to take a menial dead end job before at least investigating that option. It's a viable one. It's a good one. At the very least, you can learn a job, travel, get some real life experience and have a solid middle class existence. If you're not so much the military type, consider the Air Force or the Coast Guard. If you have a clean record and credit, you have a good shot at getting in. Military service can set you up for life.
OP- Negotiate with your parents. Share with them that if they are going to CHOOSE your career, then make you the Shah ...or some Billionaire ...Thats the least they can do in deciding how you fair in life. Otherwise its NOT their life....Did you get to decide their careers? Nope. Well its time to play nice and put the cards on the table.
PS: I respect that for four years you worked to achieve a degree. That deserves acknowledged.
Hi everyone,
I am a college grad.I dont have the best degree because I was not the best at math.I have been applying for jobs. I interviewed for a job doing physical labor.I want to apply for more jobs but my parents are making me take this job.They say they will take hundreds a month away from me and wash their hands of me if i dont take this job.Moving out is not an option in the city I live because rent is so high.What should I do?Is it normal for parents to choose the jobs for their children and impose such strict consequences if they dont comply?I feel like I cant resist them because I dont want to disrespect them.I dont know what to do....Im afraid they will take away a lot of money from me if I dont take it. I pay my parents rent out of my savings.
If you think you would be "disrespecting" your parents, you have been very cowed....shouldn't be any reason that you could not look for another job for a bit. But if you take this one, save as much as you can - then flee!!!!!
Had a similar situation many decades in the past, though in my case what they wanted was to resume running my life as in high school, so it was a total control freak thing - not just the job. Nevertheless, I had close to zero bucks left after college, but I packed a suitcase, stuffed the cash in my pocket and bought a one-way bus ticket to NYC.
Life was veeeeeeeeeeeery difficult for a long time.
But it was MY life. My parents crowed that I would be back in two weeks, sixty years later that hadn't happened.
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Seems like you could be a manager or maybe do web design? 
