U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-13-2019, 03:31 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
THIS!!! x 10
As I said up thread - it is NOT an UPLOADED photo. It's a picture of a picture. It's distorted. If it were that easy, I'd to that, and block the jerk.

She is psychologically torturing me. She has always been jealous - of her sister, of me, of my sisters. I thought she'd out grown it.

I can easily drive to her home, but now that she is acting this way, and not answering my messages, it would be socially awkward.

After this, I am DONE with her. She knows that.

I haven't been feeding her narcissism in the past year. She has inherited money from her father, who was my father's business partner. When my aunt died, he did not remarry.

She posts a veritable flood of photographs of exotic places that she visits, pictures of her grandchildren ad nauseum, photographs of her formal dining room with her mother's sterling silver (my mother's"vanished", pictures of her Mercedes. You get the idea.

About a year ago, I became sick of seeing all of this photographic braggadocio, so while I did not unfriend her, I stopped following her.

This seems to have pizzed her off. After a while, enough is enough.

She wants something out of me - validation, attention, and adoration. I have none to give.

I'm really lost. I just want a picture of my parents, my REAL parents, at their happiest.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-13-2019, 03:33 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,433 posts, read 3,287,562 times
Reputation: 13591
I don't like to jump right to assuming maliciousness if something can be easily explained by thoughtlessness or laziness. Do you live within reasonable driving distance of this cousin? If so, why not treat her to lunch and ask her to bring her box of old photos along? It could be a nice chance for the two of you to catch up and reminisce as well. Swing by a photo store on the way back to her place and get the ones you want scanned for reprints, and then, bonus, you don't have to commit precious memories to the vagaries of the mail system.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 03:40 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
OP are you sure there are no other relatives or friends of your parents (Best Man? Maid of Honor?) who would have a copy of this photo...like an original print from the wedding? Hard to believe there isn't another print in existence.
I don't think so. As I said, the wedding album vanished. I am 61. I come from a family that tends to marry later and have children later. I have no aunts or uncles who are living. My father was the last of his generation to die, two years ago.

I could try cousins on my mom's side. It's a long shot.

She has THE picture. That picture was at my aunt's (father's only sister's) house, with a number of other family pictures in a silver frame. She seems to have removed it from the frame, because the picture of the picture curls up at the end) I have a few proofs. And the name and phone number of the long dead photographer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 03:49 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
I don't like to jump right to assuming maliciousness if something can be easily explained by thoughtlessness or laziness. Do you live within reasonable driving distance of this cousin? If so, why not treat her to lunch and ask her to bring her box of old photos along? It could be a nice chance for the two of you to catch up and reminisce as well. Swing by a photo store on the way back to her place and get the ones you want scanned for reprints, and then, bonus, you don't have to commit precious memories to the vagaries of the mail system.
I don't like to jump to that either. However, she has posted it twice, as a picture of a picture - not uploaded, and hence, distorted.

Initially, I thought she had forgotten. However, she is on Facebook EVERY DAY. For hours,it seems. My messages were read. (Check after them, so I know)

I've offered to pay for the whole thing - the copy, the postage, or picking the picture up. I have offered her the original, as long as I could have a decent copy.

This just seems like calculated cruelty.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
5,383 posts, read 2,992,407 times
Reputation: 14723
I think the answer is to plan a trip and go visit her. Instead of blaming her, assume it's just daunting for her to get this done and you can help... because YOU want it more than she does. Spend a few days. She's one of the few family members you have left, reconnect, spend some good social time, eat together, talk, get some copies of photos.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 03:54 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by Debsi View Post
Your cousin sounds like a jerk.

I don't see what you can do if you don't want to spend the money to go visit or don't know anybody that lives in her town that can go visit for you.

You could call her out on Facebook about it by posting a (nice) message publicly on her thread including the picture of your parents ("Hello dear cousin, I would treasure a physical or clean digital copy of this photograph as I don't have any...."). This gives her a chance to look like a hero in front of her friends. You can then post again in the thread if you still never receive it.
Great minds must think alike!

I DID call her out - but in a nice way that would let her retain her dignity - I said "Hey cuz - do you think you could send me that picture? I PROMISE I will send you the original or a copy back - Happy New Year!"

She took it down.

Can't rep you again, Debs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
10,994 posts, read 17,487,206 times
Reputation: 27728
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Great minds must think alike!

I DID call her out - but in a nice way that would let her retain her dignity - I said "Hey cuz - do you think you could send me that picture? I PROMISE I will send you the original or a copy back - Happy New Year!"

She took it down.

Can't rep you again, Debs.
Ugh, she IS a jerk.

If you shared her post to your page, and then posted your request, she couldn't delete it. But it probably won't help, since she's a jerk. I'm sorry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 04:57 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana Holbrook View Post
I think the answer is to plan a trip and go visit her. Instead of blaming her, assume it's just daunting for her to get this done and you can help... because YOU want it more than she does. Spend a few days. She's one of the few family members you have left, reconnect, spend some good social time, eat together, talk, get some copies of photos.
I'll try that. However, she is not answering my messages. I have not messaged her since I posted.

Just not answering at all - but reading it - is not a good sign.

I'll send her a message that I'd like to visit her in warmer SC and take her out to lunch. I'll report back what happens.

She MIGHT be open, because she is DYING to show off her large, flashy house. I really don't think that she cares about me - or about anyone.

Her brothers and sister do not speak to her. Her daughter is her pride and joy. She's an officer of some sort, in the USAF and a Physician's Assistant. She's a very nice young woman and she has actually thanked me for being a "good friend to my mom".

I could be jealous of my cousin. She got her inheritance and her mother's things. She was able to conceive three biological children. For me, it was one. Through her inheritance she has disposable cash and lots of "things".

However, I'd never want to be her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 05:17 PM
 
9,638 posts, read 4,895,696 times
Reputation: 33265
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I can easily drive to her home, but now that she is acting this way, and not answering my messages, it would be socially awkward.

After this, I am DONE with her. She knows that.
If you're done with her after this, then it shouldn't matter if your appearance at her door would be socially awkward. I say go for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2019, 05:28 PM
 
18,108 posts, read 19,861,860 times
Reputation: 26532
Who is the rightful owner of the picture? If your cousin just has it it doesn’t mean they had the right to take it. If it belongs to your parents the picture is the property of your parents or more accurately the trust.
Get the executor to attempt a peaceful retrieval of the pic or the trust executor can take the cousin to court to give the property back to the trust.

Too many people think once someone dies they can just take things as they please
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:58 AM.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top