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My son was just invited to his first Sweet 16. He has several female friends who will be turning 16 next year, so this may be the first of many.
What are people doing for gifts these days? Gift cards? Cash? In my day girls would often give each other jewelry, but jewelry from a boy was reserved for the boyfriend - does that still hold true?
Then there's amount to spend..was thinking $50 or so? I don't want to base it on where the party's held, as it shouldn't matter, but it's in the back of my mind. We live on Long island so prices are high here. We haven't bought a birthday gift in years as since he and his friends have gotten older, the invites usually say no gifts or bring a gift for a charity.
Surely your son knows what his friend is into? Get something she would like: books, video game stuff, a fluffy pillow with a unicorn on it, a trucker cap. Maybe a token gift she'd like and a gift card.
Surely your son knows what his friend is into? Get something she would like: books, video game stuff, a fluffy pillow with a unicorn on it, a trucker cap. Maybe a token gift she'd like and a gift card.
Why are you spending $50 (fifty bucks!!!) on your son’s friend? In our family, our obligation to kids’ birthday presents ended after 8th grade and/or when the birthday party invites stopped coming. When my daughter entered high school I told her it was up to her to buy her friends gifts. I also counseled her that anything more than $15 at her age and on her limited budget was too much. She had a small weekly allowance and would get the yearly birthday and Christmas cash from family. Once her money was gone, it would be awhile before she’d accumulate more. She didn’t learn the concept of frugality with gifts until she overspent on a friend’s birthday and then regretted it when all her cash was gone. But she did learn after that.
I have a best friend whose daughter is also best friends with my daughter, and even I don’t give her daughter birthday presents—my daughter does because that’s her friend.
I know it's off-topic but what is the deal in this day and age w/a "Sweet 16" party? I agree w/the response of just get something small that is in the person's taste - just like a regular birthday party!
Why are you spending $50 (fifty bucks!!!) on your son’s friend? In our family, our obligation to kids’ birthday presents ended after 8th grade and/or when the birthday party invites stopped coming. When my daughter entered high school I told her it was up to her to buy her friends gifts. I also counseled her that anything more than $15 at her age and on her limited budget was too much. She had a small weekly allowance and would get the yearly birthday and Christmas cash from family. Once her money was gone, it would be awhile before she’d accumulate more. She didn’t learn the concept of frugality with gifts until she overspent on a friend’s birthday and then regretted it when all her cash was gone. But she did learn after that.
I have a best friend whose daughter is also best friends with my daughter, and even I don’t give her daughter birthday presents—my daughter does because that’s her friend.
Keep in mind that while 50 dollars for a gift may be extravagant for some, it is inexpensive for another.
Chocolates, cute socks, gift cert for a manicure, hand crafted scarf from a holiday market, scented lotion, key ring if she is looking forward to driving.....he could always ask her girlfriends for help if he needs ideas.
I believe you need to understand and (at least slightly) abide by the social norm rules of the group. You really want to die on this hill and have your son never be invited to another party or included in social gatherings because he so badly misinterpreted the proper behavior. Teens can be cruel, bringing a vastly inappropriate gift might open him up to ridicule. Your job as a mother is to help him navigate these things, even at this age. What you did at 16 only has a slight bearing on what he should do in his life as a teen in your town at this moment.
You might say you don't care what others think and that's fine but for you but I would want my child to fit in and would do a little reconoscence for his benefit. I'd be supportive rather than authoritarian, but that's my nature and that amount money is not such a big deal for me.
If the price of "admission" was just too high for me, I'd suggest going in with someone on a group gift or giving something that was less expensive but still "fun" - maybe a great playlist Not giving a gift is just not right, its like not leaving a tip in a restaurant.
I believe you need to understand and (at least slightly) abide by the social norm rules of the group. You really want to die on this hill and have your son never be invited to another party or included in social gatherings because he so badly misinterpreted the proper behavior. Teens can be cruel, bringing a vastly inappropriate gift might open him up to ridicule. Your job as a mother is to help him navigate these things, even at this age. What you did at 16 only has a slight bearing on what he should do in his life as a teen in your town at this moment.
You might say you don't care what others think and that's fine but for you but I would want my child to fit in and would do a little reconoscence for his benefit. I'd be supportive rather than authoritarian, but that's my nature and that amount money is not such a big deal for me.
If the price of "admission" was just too high for me, I'd suggest going in with someone on a group gift or giving something that was less expensive but still "fun" - maybe a great playlist Not giving a gift is just not right, its like not leaving a tip in a restaurant.
That is an excellent point. It would be pretty embarrassing if your son gave a pair a cute, fuzzy socks that cost $5 and later found out that all of his friends gave gifts that cost $25 or $50 or $100 each.
I remember a thread on the wedding forum where a bride was absolutely horrified that she received many wedding presents that she considered "cheap and chintzy". Apparently she had an extremely well paying job, and lived in an expensive city, and she always gave gifts costing a minimum of $200 if she was attending a wedding by herself and $400 to $500 if she was attending with a plus one. She could not understand how her friends and relatives (who mostly lived in smaller, low COL towns and/or had much lower paying jobs -or were retired or unemployed) did not give her similarly priced gifts.
Mom, try to talk to the other mothers to find out what is a "standard gift" in your area.
Good luck.
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