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Old 01-16-2019, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,755 posts, read 5,307,555 times
Reputation: 2685

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
Most of my neighbors are owners so it isn't a bad idea to start off on the right foot. For years I'd make a small casserole or a pan of brownies and bring it over to introduce myself and welcome them.

After many years of this I began having some bad experiences with people who latched on and began asking a lot of favors - to borrow things, use the telephone, get a ride somewhere. Some of this is okay especially if you have become friends with the neighbors but it seemed that we were getting a lot more new neighbors who weren't very self-sufficient and didn't have good boundaries. We live in a generous state and have a lot of people moving here for the benefits who don't seem to understand about the give and take of friendships.

So I'm sad to say I wait and watch a while now before I introduce myself and welcome people. But if the occasion rises sooner I don't avoid it.

I'm glad people can move here and better their lives and I'm glad that our state can afford to help. But I don't want to engage dependent people now in my retirement.
I get that totally
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,354 posts, read 4,251,799 times
Reputation: 5162
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
I don't see what their problem is. I have and still do approach neighbors. I also take cool drinks over to construction workers on a hot day. I water city trees when they are dry. Some people think I am nuts.

Today's sense of community is sadly lacking.Don't let other people prevent you from being friendly.
Its good to see people like you still exist. When I lived in a town home community in Atlanta, I did know half my neighbors. That's because it was a social community. I loved it at the time. Then I got divorced and they turned on me since most were closer to my ex-wife or the men were influenced by their wives. That sucked.
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:24 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,923 posts, read 69,860,626 times
Reputation: 75684
Quote:
Originally Posted by head librarian View Post
I live in a Townhouse and have neighbors on either side of us. The townhouse on one side of us was empty for a few months but a few weeks ago a new couple moved in. I saw them come out of their home and went over to introduce myself. (We share walls so we have common interests.)

I was completely shocked by how cold and standoffish they were. They seemed insulted and bothered that I would take even a minute of their valuable time to approach them and introduce myself. Their reaction seemed to be that there was no reason to bother them just because we were neighbors. I just wanted to talk to them for a minute or less knowing how busy people are today.

My wife asked me why I even bothered because nowadays most people don't talk to their neighbors. So the new neighbors likely thought I was bothering them. They thought: "You live next door, SO?"

So, would you approach a new neighbor who just moved in just to say hello and introduce yourself?
OP, this reminds me of what someone said on the Seattle forum about the complaints of a "Seattle Freeze". She'd been born and raised in Seattle. She said, born-and-bred Seattleites feel, that people who want to be friendly and chat while in line at the store or at the bus stop, or whatever, have "boundary issues", lol! She said it's considered rude and intrusive, to be neighborly and chatty, or just to say "good morning" if you see your neighbors outside, or pass them while taking a walk.

That would definitely explain a few things about Seattle, but I find it hard to believe. But it sounds like that's how your neighbors felt.
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:31 PM
 
9,864 posts, read 3,920,333 times
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In my neighborhood, it's considered rude NOT to introduce yourself and chat briefly with neighbors.

We have over 60 homes in the neighborhood, and have a neighborhood directory. Only ONE home didn't want to participate in the directory - why in the world you'd live in a neighborhood if you didn't want any contact from neighbors I don't quite understand, but ok. You won't get a directory or an invitation to the wine tasting or the halloween pizza party. Suits me just fine.

It's one thing to trap someone in their driveway with a 45 minute one-sided conversation, but it's another to just introduce yourself, welcome them, ask if they've lived in town long, well, good to see you!
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:42 PM
 
6,339 posts, read 2,278,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willamette City View Post
I'm not sure if you were responding to my post. I hope not. That is not what I would do. I don't ambush people or chat them up as their getting ready to go somewhere. That sounds pretty intrusive to me. It might take weeks or months to meet people, or not at all. If it happened, it would be a completely natural meeting, like mowing the lawn or weed eating or gardening and talking across the fence or across the street. We absolutely do not force ourselves on people. The idea sounds repugnant to me. If you weren't referring to my post, then carry on....

No worries. I was responding to the OP. In his first post, he said he saw them exiting their home, and approached them.


I took that to mean they were on the way out the door to go somewhere. Later, he said he saw them just standing outside. So...I don't know.


I'm more like you. It'd be a bit before we'd even be on a first name basis. LOL I'd probably wave and say "hi" but I'm not likely to approach them for awhile. There would have to be smiles and waves for a bit first. lol
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:42 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,539 posts, read 1,728,140 times
Reputation: 10196
I think what I would like the most is if a neighbor mailed me a card introducing themselves with their name, address, and phone number - asking me to text back if I would like to go for coffee some time!

Last edited by nobodysbusiness; 01-16-2019 at 02:56 PM..
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:48 PM
 
6,339 posts, read 2,278,027 times
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I used to have a neighbor that was a hoarder. She was also a youngish widow with 2 kids. I know she was stressed, lonely, and probably craved adult talk.


I used to hide from her if I saw her outside, because if she saw me outside, she wanted to talk my ear off. If I saw her before she saw me...Often I'd just go back in the house, or hide in a shadow. lol (I am not always a selfless person.)
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Never Never Land
982 posts, read 754,691 times
Reputation: 1625
When we first moved into our current house 5 years ago the neighbor next door rang our doorbell at 9:30 in the morning the next day to give us brownies and to introduce herself and her family. I was less than thrilled by this! She even complained that she had stopped by the afternoon before to "welcome" us but we weren't home! It took everything I had in me not to say, Yeah dummy, because we were moving in!!"

I generally don't do things to other people that I don't want done to me so I leave people alone when they move in. If we are both outside, I'll wave. If I get their mail, I'll give it to them. I really don't want my neighbors in my business.
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Old 01-16-2019, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
3,885 posts, read 1,077,992 times
Reputation: 5379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
No worries. I was responding to the OP. In his first post, he said he saw them exiting their home, and approached them.


I took that to mean they were on the way out the door to go somewhere. Later, he said he saw them just standing outside. So...I don't know.


I'm more like you. It'd be a bit before we'd even be on a first name basis. LOL I'd probably wave and say "hi" but I'm not likely to approach them for awhile. There would have to be smiles and waves for a bit first. lol

Thanks for responding! Yes we live on a quiet street in a small town. My wife and I are pretty good friends with our across the fence neighbors, although it didn't start too well. We needed new electrical lines run from the power pole when we upgraded our service from 100 amp to 200 amp. About 3 ft of line ran across their property so we needed an easement. They would only allow us to run the line if we cut down a rather large maple tree on our property that they were afraid would blow over on their house. We swallowed our pride and cut the tree down. Since then we've become good friends. I play guitar with our across the street neighbors so we see them all the time. Other then that, we are waving neighbors to everyone else. That's good enough for me. My wife and I are also pretty private people. No roaring parties at our house!
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Old 01-16-2019, 03:20 PM
 
6,339 posts, read 2,278,027 times
Reputation: 14594
You know how I got to be friends with my neighbor next door? We'd been living in our house about 6 months...and we were on a wave and smile basis.


Then Christmas came around, and she sent her grandson over with a poinsetta plant and a plate of brownies. I thought that was a very nice gesture. The next time I saw her in her driveway, I walked part way across the yard, and thanked her, and we got to talking.


Now, she's my 'sometimes-we-hang-out-in-the-driveway-and-drink-a-bottle-of-wine" friend. lol (Although, once in a blue moon, we actually get together and go DO stuff. LOL)
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