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Old 01-16-2019, 12:33 PM
3,132 posts, read 1,639,077 times
Reputation: 8575


Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
I'll agree with your second statement. Men, and women, should have a sense of dignity about their time. Desperation never looks good. It should appear like you have things to do, a full social calendar. People don't usually like hanging out with losers.
LOL well count me in as one of the "losers" then. I hate filling up my social calendar just for the sake of doing so (and I won't).

You're funny though.

Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post

I decline most "last minute" anything. There are exceptions, like one of the Star Wars movies the other year whereby a friend was taking her family and had a spare ticket, to a sold out show at a major venue. I actually moved some plans to see that, which was "important" (so to speak) to the nerd crowd. It's not absolute.

Same friend, however, last spring called me hours before Cirque du Soleil because her girlfriend has bailed on her, I had better things to do frankly. I really did. It was right on the edge of rude, though I wouldn't mind seeing Cirque du Soleil again someday.

I dunno -- your friend's friend gets sick so bows out, your friend tries to find someone else, what's the big deal in asking you? Of course you could (and did) say you're busy but what's the harm in the ask?

A friend of mine invited me last minute to see a comedy show (her husband decided he didn't want to go -- he's a big sports nut and there was some big game on he wanted to see instead). I took her up on it and we had a great night out.

Different strokes and all.
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Old 01-16-2019, 12:36 PM
Location: Rochester, WA
5,383 posts, read 2,992,407 times
Reputation: 14723
Originally Posted by mej210390 View Post
Love them, Hate them? Think they are rude, Inconsiderate?? or something else?

Personally I hate them and think they are rude, but what are your thoughts on this matter, would love to hear peoples views?

Not rude to ask... It's nice to be thought of, even spontaneously! It's only rude if you don't want to accept and they press it. It's always rude to push.
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Old 01-16-2019, 12:48 PM
Location: Dayton, OH
593 posts, read 267,408 times
Reputation: 2563
Better to have a friend who invites you at the last minute than to have no friend at all.
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Old 01-16-2019, 12:54 PM
1,080 posts, read 483,017 times
Reputation: 2869
I'm a planner and I don't like surprises, so I'm not a huge fan of last minute invitations. I don't necessarily consider them rude, as long as I don't get guff in return for declining the invitation.

I'm less fond of plans that don't get concretized in a timely fashion. I can't just tell a babysitter "either Friday or Saturday, for some 3-4 hour block between 5 and midnight, not sure when but I'll let you know."

I'm even less fond of anyone who uses the phrase, "just get a babysitter." Like it's as easy as stopping by the drive-thru to buy a Coke.
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:08 PM
9,639 posts, read 4,895,696 times
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Originally Posted by TwoByFour View Post
That being said, sometimes you find out that their original plans did not include you but when someone else couldn't make it, they decided to invite you. That happens but is a little disheartening.
I don't think it's disheartening. So Amy and her friend Emily had plans together, and Emily got sick, so Amy invited me. I don't expect Amy to always include me in everything she does with friends. As long as they weren't making a concerted effort to exclude me, I don't see a problem.
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:38 PM
745 posts, read 175,887 times
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if it's mutually okay at the time, not rude. just awkward if that's expected.
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:41 PM
5,424 posts, read 2,894,002 times
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I prefer spontaneous. I would rather have last minute than advanced notice. We live in an Era where it is easy to cancel.

I am so over making plans, then they get canceled.
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:00 PM
Location: State of Transition
77,945 posts, read 69,907,126 times
Reputation: 75735
IMO it's ok as an occasional thing, but some people ONLY do "spontaneous". The way that stacks up is, that over time, it becomes clear, that they expect everyone else to be at their beck and call. Think about it; if they're unable or unwilling to plan ahead, it means they're always in control of what's happening. They're the deciders, and you can only say yes or no, you can't say, "how about tomorrow", or "I'd love to see you next week." I knew someone, who would call while driving into town with friends, to ask me if I could join them for dinner. I was in the middle of dinner at home, when she called. She then told me I could join them anyway, to sit and watch them eat. That was the end, for me; the last in a series of similar "spontaneous" get-togethers, after letting her know I'd love to see her, but needed advance notice.
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:28 PM
Location: Kirkland, WA (Metro Seattle)
3,924 posts, read 3,215,568 times
Reputation: 6964
Originally Posted by hertfordshire View Post
I guess I have a different take on that situation. Friend finds herself unexpectedly with an extra ticket, and rather than see it go unused, she thought of who might like the show, and thought enough of you to offer it. I don't find that rude at all.

As my mother always said "it doesn't hurt to ask."
That is one interpretation. My friend in question is not an "inconsiderate" lady, in my experience, either. Perhaps it was in how I interpreted a last minute invite, definitely the theme of this thread.

"It depends" also includes egos.
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:50 PM
325 posts, read 160,856 times
Reputation: 677
If you are talking about day of invites to go out that night, I actually love those because it's perfectly reasonable for me to be able to decline. It's much harder to get out of things when I have known about them for a long time. Had one this past weekend. I was able to say I had some things planned that afternoon but would let her know more later. I really had to psych myself up to do it and that took most of the day, but I finally was able to confirm. I could have just as easily claimed what I was doing was going to run long and I would not be available.
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