U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-17-2019, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 139,044 times
Reputation: 1671

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hallouise View Post
I took the OP to mean cases where other people have long since been formally invited, and you get a last-minute, very informal, casually tossed-off invitation. (Think of a wedding where you're invited over email a week ahead of time and told "The seats/food are already paid for and some people had to drop out, so feel free to come and take up a seat". Or of running into an acquaintance and being asked "What are you doing tomorrow night? I'm having a birthday party").

Yes, those types of invitations bother me, but I've also been told by other people that I'm too sensitive about such things. Which could be true.

That's a lot to read into a very vague question but this exact wedding scenario, yes, would annoy me and I would decline. If I wasn't good enough for the first round then they shouldn't miss me later.

The birthday party is still possible it just wasn't planned earlier or maybe they're just inviting people as they see them rather than making a list. I've known people to be talked into having an improptu celebration the day it happens.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-17-2019, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 139,044 times
Reputation: 1671
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
I'll agree with your second statement. Men, and women, should have a sense of dignity about their time. Desperation never looks good. It should appear like you have things to do, a full social calendar. People don't usually like hanging out with losers.

I decline most "last minute" anything. There are exceptions, like one of the Star Wars movies the other year whereby a friend was taking her family and had a spare ticket, to a sold out show at a major venue. I actually moved some plans to see that, which was "important" (so to speak) to the nerd crowd. It's not absolute.

Same friend, however, last spring called me hours before Cirque du Soleil because her girlfriend has bailed on her, I had better things to do frankly. I really did. It was right on the edge of rude, though I wouldn't mind seeing Cirque du Soleil again someday.

I sure don't do this to potential dates, most women have sufficient dignity to decline the few times I've been dumb enough to try. And, many women really are that socially busy so it wouldn't work anyway.

Socially aware friends probably won't do this. Family gets a PASS, however, as they are...obviously, inner circle/blood.
So in order to preserve appearances you should decline even if you happen to have nothing planned?? If they viewed you as a loser that they wouldn't want to hang with if you don't have a full calendar then they wouldn't be calling you in the first place to ask you to join them. Unless of course you have weird friend that like to throw tests your way to see if you're worthy of their friendship.

I'm not saying you should drop everything and run for someone who continuously calls you last minute but frankly I see nothing wrong with spontaneously calling someone and asking if they happen to be free to join you for something. If they have time and want to then great, and if they don't then hopefully you can work something else out. I hope I don't have friends that would decline simply so they can appear more busy than they really are.

Lucky for you that your Star Wars friend didn't decide it would be rude to offer you the ticket last minute on the off chance you might like to go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2019, 02:50 PM
 
Location: East Coast
3,193 posts, read 1,905,510 times
Reputation: 4762
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
I'll agree with your second statement. Men, and women, should have a sense of dignity about their time. Desperation never looks good. It should appear like you have things to do, a full social calendar. People don't usually like hanging out with losers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcahacker View Post
So in order to preserve appearances you should decline even if you happen to have nothing planned?? If they viewed you as a loser that they wouldn't want to hang with if you don't have a full calendar then they wouldn't be calling you in the first place to ask you to join them. Unless of course you have weird friend that like to throw tests your way to see if you're worthy of their friendship.

I'm not saying you should drop everything and run for someone who continuously calls you last minute but frankly I see nothing wrong with spontaneously calling someone and asking if they happen to be free to join you for something. If they have time and want to then great, and if they don't then hopefully you can work something else out. I hope I don't have friends that would decline simply so they can appear more busy than they really are.

Lucky for you that your Star Wars friend didn't decide it would be rude to offer you the ticket last minute on the off chance you might like to go.
Maybe I'm odd, but I'm not embarrassed if I don't happen to have plans on a Saturday night. Especially in a situation where I may have worked all week and did some errands on the weekend, if I haven't happened to make plans to go out, I don't really care. I'm okay with having some takeout and watching something on tv. But if someone happens to ask if I want to go out and I feel up to going out, then I would. I don't sit and worry about whether someone else thinks I don't have anything better to do with my time. Perhaps it's because I'm older (I'm in my 40s), but I don't worry about petty crap like this. I guess 20 year olds might, though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2019, 04:14 PM
 
3,247 posts, read 844,077 times
Reputation: 3763
Quote:
Originally Posted by mej210390 View Post
Love them, Hate them? Think they are rude, Inconsiderate?? or something else?

Personally I hate them and think they are rude, but what are your thoughts on this matter, would love to hear peoples views?
Invites are invites and it's more thoughtful than no invite at all. I wouldn't say rude.

Some people I know either have busy schedules or one in particular doesn't but somehow requires 2 full hours to "get ready" for going out anywhere, even Starbucks. To each their own, and I try to give notice when I know it's needed and when I can.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2019, 07:49 PM
 
9,257 posts, read 9,216,940 times
Reputation: 11712
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't think that's the sort of "spontaneous" invitation the OP means. That type of thing is rare. Much more common is the "hey, I'm driving through your neighborhood, so I thought of you, want to go grab lunch?", as you're sitting at home, eating lunch, or are going out the door to go to an appointment. No matter how many times you say, "I'd have loved to meet you for lunch, if you'd only let me know earlier" or "...if you'd called earlier in the week, so I could work around my other appointments", nothing changes.
But it still doesn't make it rude for someone to ask.

I agree - you've illustrated some polite ways to say no AND try to convey the suggestion that advance notice is preferable.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 02:20 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,939 posts, read 5,295,505 times
Reputation: 17896
Yesterday I stopped over a friends. I said I'm going to lunch would you like to join me. 10 minutes later we were on our way to lunch.

The night before a neighbor asked me if I wanted to do something at 6:30. It was 5:50 when he asked. I had a great time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 03:28 AM
 
3,062 posts, read 1,562,481 times
Reputation: 3202
Quote:
Originally Posted by mej210390 View Post
Love them, Hate them? Think they are rude, Inconsiderate?? or something else?

Personally I hate them and think they are rude, but what are your thoughts on this matter, would love to hear peoples views?
I consider them. If it sounds fun, I go. I rarely turn down invitations. If I do, there was almost a good reason but I don't consider last minute invitations as anything negative.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 03:59 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,747 posts, read 4,163,343 times
Reputation: 15476
If an event has been planned for at least a week and you receive a last minute invitation, I wouldn't call it rude but I'd think twice about going. I would feel I was an "after thought".

As for an impromptu occasion, what is rude about being asked to join in? Nothing. I'd feel happy to be included and I can choose to attend or decline.

In fact, I had that happen early this week. A friend called me to join her at a bar with two girls (sisters) that were in town for a funeral. I hadn't seen them for literally YEARS AND YEARS. Of course I went. It was awesome meeting back up with them. Lots of reminiscing and laughs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,823 posts, read 2,398,178 times
Reputation: 2666
We & our friends lead busy lives and sometimes our lives open up at the last minute...so no I don't hate it.


Now...when it comes to my FATHER in law...who is ALWAYS last minute with invites...I think it's incredibly rude. "My sister is coming this weekend, you guys can come if you want" 2 days before. It's rude and condescending.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,755 posts, read 5,320,387 times
Reputation: 2685
Quote:
Originally Posted by mej210390 View Post
Love them, Hate them? Think they are rude, Inconsiderate?? or something else?

Personally I hate them and think they are rude, but what are your thoughts on this matter, would love to hear peoples views?
A last minute invite to join someone or a group for a drink, coffee or meal, absolutely. A wedding or other formalized event that requires planning on my part AND where others were given advanced notice,nope!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top