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Old 01-21-2019, 04:16 PM
 
10,365 posts, read 8,355,682 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
The wedding industry can always find another sucker. A friend's daughter got married. She wanted a big, catered church wedding with 200 guests. He gave her the option; downsize the wedding to 50 guests, let the church ladies do the reception, and he would spring for the down payment on a really nice home. She picked the big wedding. Personally, I blame Walt Disney for the princess complex so many young women have.


A recent well-known bride got married at her local church, which was decorated with pretty natural material from her grandmother's acreage. She held her reception at Granny's nearby place, which was similarly decorated with colorful autumn leaves from the property. Folk music was used before and after the happy couple arrived at the church. The bride had a lovely dress but went without a veil. The guests gathered at Granny's beforehand, then walked down the hill the short distance to the church.

Of course, Granny was Queen Elizabeth II, the church was St George's Chapel, and Granny's place was Windsor Castle, which sits amidst Windsor Great Park.. And the music was English folk tunes arranged by Ralph Vaughn Williams and played by a chamber orchestra.

In lieu of a veil, Princess Bride Eugenie wore a stunning vintage diamond and emerald platinum tiara from Granny's collection.

Princess Eugenie's wedding was one of the prettiest and happiest royal weddings I've ever seen - (or rather, watched on the telly), and the homey touches made it all the more appealing.
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Old 01-21-2019, 05:14 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
2,179 posts, read 911,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
She decided to have it on an island on the east cost. (We are all in the Midwest). Itís both her and her fiancťes second wedding. We have savings but we have a lot of debt to pay off. I donít even know if we can both get the time off work. Iím going through a lot with depression and anxiety and I donít want to travel. Am I wrong?
Sheíll either get over it or you find a new friend. Second weddings shouldnít require the guests to have to put out that kind of $$$ just to attend. Iíd tell her sorry, but we are not in a position to be able to attend.
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Old 01-21-2019, 06:01 PM
 
Location: California
30,509 posts, read 33,316,873 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
The wedding industry can always find another sucker. A friend's daughter got married. She wanted a big, catered church wedding with 200 guests. He gave her the option; downsize the wedding to 50 guests, let the church ladies do the reception, and he would spring for the down payment on a really nice home. She picked the big wedding. Personally, I blame Walt Disney for the princess complex so many young women have.

I met a woman who told me this same thing, the parents offered her dream wedding or a down payment on a house. She also chose the wedding. I met her just shy of a year out from her wedding and she was still justifying it by saying her and her bridal party were later part of a "wedding showcase" of some sort where they got to wear their fancy duds again on a runway...as if that meant something.

Fortunately this was back in the 80's so hopefully the happy couple were still able to get a house at some point.
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Old 01-21-2019, 07:58 PM
 
1,222 posts, read 890,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
I've never understood why bridesmaids paid for their gowns or dresses. In the big picture the couple or parents are spending whatever, what's a few more dresses and tux rentals? Will it kill them?

I was a bridesmaid for my older sibling, the gowns were expensive for back in 1985, long, satin, maroonish purple gowns. I was pumping gas with my dad, she and my other sister were bankers and could afford it. I remember thinking she wouldn't be getting a gift because my dress and shoes were her gift. For her 2nd wedding I had another gown with matching shoes and my 5 year old son's tux. Not sure if maybe she or my dad payed for his tux but I was still making minimum wage working for my dad. Hey he needed me so I gave up my hair cutting career. Best decision I ever made.

That 2nd dress was a good color which my friend wore when I got married. My bridesmaid didn't pay for anything. That 1st gown couldn't be reused except to make doll clothes.
I was horrified to realize that American bridal parties have to pay their own way when they are asked to participate in someoneís wedding. Iím from Europe, where we pay for the dresses, the travel costs, the hair and makeup etc for the bridesmaids and the moms of the bride and groom. We also gave them gifts on the day. Plus thereís only one gift to buy, and itís given on the day of the wedding. No bridal showers etc.
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Old 01-21-2019, 08:21 PM
 
5,681 posts, read 8,085,748 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You said you have savings. You are choosing not to go.
Savings are for an emergency. This is not an emergency.
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Old 01-21-2019, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,241 posts, read 19,729,636 times
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I think destination weddings are kinda rude, and your friend is even ruder being mad at you.

It's your time and your money, and if it is not something you wish to spend your time or money on that's your choice and she should understand.

Just tell you would love to attend, but there are multiple reasons it is not good timing.
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Old 01-21-2019, 08:55 PM
 
1,165 posts, read 650,828 times
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For us, every family wedding (there were many) we were invited to was a "destination wedding" because we lived 1,000 miles from the area where most of the family lived. Flights, hotels, rental cars, time off from work - it all really adds up.

I am very glad the first round of weddings is over and we will not go to second weddings at this point. We figure we made a big effort for the first wedding and that suffices.

OP, if your friend is "mad" it just shows their lack of character and big sense of entitlement. Take care of your own finances and do what works for you. You probably won't even remember this "friend" in ten years.
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Old 01-21-2019, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Indianapolis, East Side
1,099 posts, read 551,234 times
Reputation: 2820
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lbjen View Post
I was horrified to realize that American bridal parties have to pay their own way when they are asked to participate in someoneís wedding. Iím from Europe, where we pay for the dresses, the travel costs, the hair and makeup etc for the bridesmaids and the moms of the bride and groom. We also gave them gifts on the day. Plus thereís only one gift to buy, and itís given on the day of the wedding. No bridal showers etc.
And then a lot of brides dump their bridesmaids as friends after the wedding.
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Old 01-21-2019, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,992 posts, read 21,631,720 times
Reputation: 22099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
I met a woman who told me this same thing, the parents offered her dream wedding or a down payment on a house. She also chose the wedding. I met her just shy of a year out from her wedding and she was still justifying it by saying her and her bridal party were later part of a "wedding showcase" of some sort where they got to wear their fancy duds again on a runway...as if that meant something.

Fortunately this was back in the 80's so hopefully the happy couple were still able to get a house at some point.
My dad told me after the fact he would have done this for me. I would have taken the house payment hands down!
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Old 01-22-2019, 05:37 AM
 
443 posts, read 399,117 times
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I was invited to a wedding that was being held in Europe. The bride and groom were living there at the time, so it wasn't actually a "destination wedding". He was a local and her family/friends were all back in the states.

They were aware that it would be costly for anyone to attend, so they did everything they could to minimize costs for guests. Many of his family opened their homes to anyone wanting to stay, to avoid hotel costs. And, they arranged for discounted B&Bs and hotels in the area.

They also arranged for tours, provided by his family and several meals were with family.

Anyone who wanted to attend was able to get a European vacation for little more than airfare.

They moved to the states about 6 months later and had a get-together for everyone who wasn't able to make the wedding, to meet the new hubby.

They were thrilled with anyone who was able to make the trip. I'm sure it never crossed their minds to be upset with anyone unable to attend.

I guess it's class vs crass.
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