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I don't think it matters if the OP has savings. That savings could be used for an emergency fund or a broken tooth or something that comes up. Or, she doesn't feel like spending whatever savings she has on someone else's wedding.
People who decide that "their day" will be at some destination should expect that there will be people unable or unwilling to spend the money. To get upset at that to me is quite selfish. It's as though the bride thinks because she is your friend that you should put yourself in hock or deplete your savings account to cater to them. That's insane.
"I'm sorry I can't attend but we just can't afford it," should be the only thing you have to say. For her to get angry about that makes her not much of a friend, in my view.
She decided to have it on an island on the east cost. (We are all in the Midwest). It’s both her and her fiancées second wedding. We have savings but we have a lot of debt to pay off. I don’t even know if we can both get the time off work. I’m going through a lot with depression and anxiety and I don’t want to travel. Am I wrong?
No, in my opinion destination weddings are kinda obnoxious. Sorry if that offends some. It's asking too much of people in my opinion.
If you feel you can't tell her in person, write her a letter. That way you can politely say what you need to say without interruptions.
Something along the lines of how happy you are for her and how you know she's going to be such a beautiful bride, and it will be such a great wedding. Tell her that as much as you would like to share this special day with her that you just can't afford it. If you have to..... tell her you're deeply in debt. Tell her going to her wedding would cost you three months salary, or whatever it takes.
If you feel you can't tell her in person, write her a letter. That way you can politely say what you need to say without interruptions.
Something along the lines of how happy you are for her and how you know she's going to be such a beautiful bride, and it will be such a great wedding. Tell her that as much as you would like to share this special day with her that you just can't afford it. If you have to..... tell her you're deeply in debt. Tell her going to her wedding would cost you three months salary, or whatever it takes.
That's a very gracious way to handle this and a true friend would be very understanding of this and appreciate the approach.
You aren't wrong. No friend's or relative's wedding is ever worth your family using up your savings and going into even more debt for them. If your friend can't understand that other people can't afford to travel for her wedding then she's being a selfish and entitled fool. Stick to your decision and tell her you can't attend. Give her an affordable wedding gift and leave it at that.
If she can’t understand that you’re in debt and have priorities well then F her. People that have “destination” weddings must have a perspective that people cannot tailor their lives around somebody’s wedding.
She’s not ok. Her and her family are like family. I just don’t know why she has to do this when most people can’t afford it.
She's not thinking about YOU. She's thinking about what she and fiance want. It's her decision, not yours, so she will have to live with the results. Tell her you are sorry you cannot attend (for whatever reason you choose), that you hope she has a lovely wedding day, and follow up with a thoughtful gift. That should be enough. If it isn't, well, that's her problem.
She decided to have it on an island on the east cost. (We are all in the Midwest). It’s both her and her fiancées second wedding. We have savings but we have a lot of debt to pay off. I don’t even know if we can both get the time off work. I’m going through a lot with depression and anxiety and I don’t want to travel. Am I wrong?
According to what you've said, your husband gripes and moans whenever you try to take him anywhere to be with your friends. He's really willing to go to a destination wedding?
Of course you're not wrong to not want to go.
In my experience, the destination wedding couples don't appreciate all that their guests give up in order to attend the oh-so-glamorous ceremony.
It's too much to ask. You have every right to say you can't afford to go, but you look forward to having them in for dinner when they come back to town.
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