Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Because that is known In my world as simply a sperm donor and not a father . I have a couple of cousins that their father did this to them too and my uncle who eventually became their step dad told them that some men are weak when it comes to women and they are missing a spine . My cousins sperm donor never came and got them for visits or anything . Then the louse had the nerve to call those kids and tell them he was dying of cancer and he wanted to see them . They hung up on him . They did not owe him anything is what they told me gotta say I agreed with them . God bless you OP .
My father impregnated my mother when he was in college in a foreign country and she was a native there. He left, she had me and raised me by herself. He would occasionally send a holiday card but otherwise it never stopped him from pursuing his life back in the US and forgetting he had a child as much as he could.
It wasn't until I was a teenager and my mom had passed away that I met my father or his family. He was on his second marriage and had kids by four different women including my mother. When I met HIS mother I understood more about why he was the way he was. But nonetheless, he was not interested in being a father and had no issue leaving his kids or their mothers as soon as he thought he had a better offer or things were getting too heavy in the responsibility realm. He spent time in jail from doing some petty cons, but I don't think he could help it- he was a con man, through and through, a narcissist who only ever thought about how the outcomes of his actions influenced him getting what he wanted.
Sadly, I don't think this kind of behavior is that uncommon.
all the reasons given are valid .IN my child's case he had poor parenting was narcisstic,had other brothers who treated their kids the same,had parents that were distant.In the end,he chose someone worse than him and ignored his family.It caught up to him in his declining years and sometimes they reap what they sow.
As painful as this was and is for you always remember what I told my children that it was never anything to do with them but everything to do with him and his background
My father changed his phone number and cut off contact with myself and my brother because his new wife was jealous and couldn't stand to see proof that he had had a relationship before her. She got upset when she overheard my brother and i talking about our mom and made my father tell us not to discuss our mother around her (we were 11 and 13 at the time). She eventually made him choose between us or her and he chose her. It really messed me up emotionally. It's been 9 years since he left me and I'm still messed up over it. what would make a parent choose a new partner over their children? Has anyone else experienced something like this?
He is a weak man, married to a selfish woman. And he may have emotional issues that pre-date all this.
Your story is not unheard of. I read a blog that was started when the author (a wife and mother) was in her thirties. It looked like they had the perfect family life. She and her husband had met in college, gotten married after graduation, been successful, bought a stunning house, and had two daughters.
On paper and in photos, they looked like the perfect family. Oh, and they were also very Christian.
A couple of years ago, she wrote that they were having marriage problems, but she was believing that they could salvage their marriage and be stronger than ever. She said some old trauma had come up for her husband. They tried counseling. They went on vacations alone. But after a couple of years, it was clear that nothing was working and they started divorce proceedings.
Her husband moved out, and saw less and less of her daughters. Then, she went on Facebook and saw that her husband had met another woman and become engaged to her. It hadn't even been but a few months since their divorce. She was shocked, but not surprised. She had a feeling he would do this.
He didn't give himself time to heal or to deal with his own issues. He just found another woman to marry and rarely contacts his two teenage daughters now.
His daughters are both gorgeous bright happy girls, yet he's able to pretend they no longer exist, after being their father their whole lives.
Then she dropped a bombshell. She finally admitted on her blog, that her ex-husband had been extremely abusive to her. She had tried to repair their relationship the whole time, and never told anyone. She said she had tried to shield her daughters, but after he left, her girls let her know that they had known all along.
That family had been living with an emotionally damaged man from Day One, so the outcome maybe isn't so surprising.
Because he is a selfish inconsiderate person who either doesn’t understand the impact of what he did or he just doesn’t care.
I understand the damage this kind of rejection does, it leaves a terrible legacy that I have to confront frequently because it’s hard wired now. I’ve been through the why why why and there is really no definitive answer why. In the end my father to this day is still a selfish manipulative greedy excuse of a man who still won’t accept that he alone is totally responsible foe ending up in prison for abusing me. My mother was his enabler and has cut me off numerous times in her life for one reason or another.
I focus on those people in my life who love me and try not to let the fear of rejection intrude on that.
Ya know...you may not be ready for it, but the person to ask would be your father - and your mother. Make sure you really want to know. Don't internalize their answers. Even though you are their child, this is about the relationship between them.
I have experience in being the offspring of a broken home, and I can blame my maternal grandmother for driving my father away, but nonetheless there is a voice of reason in the back of my head telling me - blame aside, he still left. Left my mother, left the state, left me. He and my mother were young when they married and had me. They were divorced by the time I was 9 months old, and I am told he last saw me when I was 18 months old.
He went clear across the country with a woman 20 years older than he was and her 14 year old son. I had no memory of him.
My mother is not an innocent either. She let her mother destroy her life - in a nutshell. Her mother took everything she ever acquired away from her. Job, husband, car, me. My mother wanted nothing more than her mother's love. I cant help but wonder what role your mother plays here, since you only speak of her in the notion that your father's second wife didn't want you to talk about your mother.
Do you know that for a fact? Did you personally hear the second wife tell your father to tell you two not to speak of your mother around her? If not, then again, we have to turn to your dad for an answer to that as well. Is it possible that it really bothered him, and he used wife number 2 as an excuse to approach you guys about it? Is it possible that he might have a good reason not to want your mom brought up - like she hurt him in some way?
I met my father when I was 20. I look like him. Its interesting that we have things in common that I could not have been taught - a love of spicy food being one of them. We have a relationship now, but its more of a friendship. He is basically just a nice guy that happens to be my father.
Perhaps that is what is best for you and your brother too. If you father can become just a nice guy that happens to be your father.
All I can say is love is a strange thing if it doesn't feel good. Make sure everything in your life feels good and right, and try not to repeat your parents mistakes. Its easy to say you will never be like them, but much harder to actually do.
Since both your mother and your father are each 50% of you, it would be wise not to hate either one of them. It sets you up to hate part of yourself. Love yourself - it's important. Their marriage and break up are not about you. You are just a product of that union. Your life is your own. You are the only one responsible for what you make of that life.
Best wishes!
Last edited by ComeCloser; 01-20-2019 at 08:30 AM..
My father changed his phone number and cut off contact with myself and my brother because his new wife was jealous and couldn't stand to see proof that he had had a relationship before her. She got upset when she overheard my brother and i talking about our mom and made my father tell us not to discuss our mother around her (we were 11 and 13 at the time). She eventually made him choose between us or her and he chose her. It really messed me up emotionally. It's been 9 years since he left me and I'm still messed up over it. what would make a parent choose a new partner over their children? Has anyone else experienced something like this?
I'm so sorry to hear this Mellyy. Hang in there, things will get better. I know it hurts now, but it does get better.
I've witnessed this with my ex-wife with our children and my parents with me.
My X eventually got her "____" together and made it "right enough" with my kids so that they will visit her now.
My parents ditched me for money. I was older and knew more about personality types and behavior.
Both my x and my parents have narcissistic personalities. I can only guess(highly probable) that your father is the same.
IMHO, God is teaching you this so you can learn from it and not carry that "trait". It WILL make you a far better person.
I'm truly sorry you hurt so much right now. Know that prayers are sent and I'm think'n about ya.
It's not men, it's non custodial parents in general. That's usually the father so you see it more in fathers but the behavior is not some inherent evil that is exclusive to men. Non custodial parents have many responsibilities and few rights, and some of them decide they should concentrate their efforts on whatever new family they are forming, that they are still allowed to be a primary part of. I'm not saying it's right, I'm explaining the possible logic behind it.
If you feel that you need him right now for whatever reason, just try to contact him, I said contact him not his wife; so, contact him behind her. Don't let her know because she might not change, and in order not to let your dad think that you are coming to ruin their relationship, for instance.
If you feel that you need him right now for whatever reason, just try to contact him, I said contact him not his wife; so, contact him behind her. Don't let her know because she might not change, and in order not to let your dad think that you are coming to ruin their relationship, for instance.
Good luck
And he may turn around and tell her or she may read her husband’s mail and will conclude that the op is being sneaky and trying to cause trouble. If the father can’t communicate with his own child openly then what are the odds he will embrace a relationship?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
