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Old 01-24-2019, 01:35 PM
 
16,018 posts, read 19,670,751 times
Reputation: 26200

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
I've shared a house with my landlord since last year. She says we're roommates and friends.

The beginning was Ok. But soon after the honeymoon phase ended, the problems started.


Examples:

  • I used to work a 8am-4pm shift. She used to shower until 2am with her bathroom and bedroom doors open, bang around slamming doors giving me no more than 5 hours of sleep. I was tired and started coming late to work. It was a struggle to perform well. I asked her to change her shower routine. She did a bit but it remained late.
  • She would talk on the phone late, sometimes until 12:30am , again while knowing full well I had a busy full time job I need to be rested for. Her house her rules
  • When I was preparing dinner in the kitchen, the only time we'd typically run into each other on my work days, she'd make comments about what I was preparing, supervise my cooking by hovering over my shoulder, just being a pain. She said stuff like when I eat late, just like her mom does, I'll gain weight. She encouraged me to go to the gym and pull my shirt out to cover up my belly instead of highlight it
  • She asked me for all kinds of favors including mowing her lawn, redoing her garden, carrying heavy stuff to and from her car, moving furniture, redecorating her house, hanging up fixtures, cleaning common areas and my bathroom (she's an airbnb host and supposed to do the cleaning, after all she charges me a cleaning fee each time I book a room).., etc. She never paid me for my time and didn't discount my rent. She claimed we're friends and friends help each other, right?
  • I would foolishly share details about work and each time she'd disagree and tell me I'd think too much, I can never make decisions, then point to past issues where I rented cars for months when I wasn't sure what I was going to buy or lease, she would basically put me down at each opportunity.
  • As a result of the complaints, nagging , hovering, tracking my whereabouts - I started staying at work later and later, much to the chagrin of my boss who told me to stick to the schedule, and focus on leaving on time, even when I did unpaid overtime and was OK with that arrangement.
  • I started staying away for 11-12 hours a day to avoid my roommate but she still found a way to make my life miserable with her noise, insults and petty behavior.
  • To top it off, she's a messy person who leaves food scraps in the sink and on counters and the table for days, used paper towel, you name it. Plus clears her throat and spits her loogee in the sink. So gross.


I must have low confidence to put up with all this and continue to overpay. I tried to leave recently for a couple of nights but came back. I told her I wanted to try 1 week but she refused to accept a 1 week booking and since my stuff was still in her place and I didn't have time to move out with work being busy, she told me I had to extend it by 3 weeks.


And yet here I am. I'm still here and I don't know why. Did the victim of abuse become the abuser and have I become the victim? Help me understand why I put up with this substandard treatment.
You have answered your own question. You are right about what seems to have happened. You are volunteering to be abused......Decide what you would tell a friend who shared this horrible story......and follow your own advice.

I would say to you. It is ok to take care of you.....It is ok to walk away from people who do not deserve our caring. You have done nothing wrong, and you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. You have given it your best shot, and she isn't worth this pain and aggravation. You deserve better friends, and better living conditions. Pack your bags and do not look back. You have a right to be happy and live a peaceful life. Go do that.

 
Old 01-24-2019, 02:50 PM
 
Location: Full time in the RV
2,867 posts, read 6,404,335 times
Reputation: 2420
Am I the only one that thinks her home life parallels her work life?
 
Old 01-24-2019, 04:00 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,910 posts, read 959,043 times
Reputation: 10186
Quote:
Originally Posted by RMD3819 View Post
Am I the only one that thinks her home life parallels her work life?
Could probably explain why she moves from job to job...…. A lot of people have only temp or contract jobs because they can't hold down a permanent job very long after the employer gets to know them.
 
Old 01-24-2019, 11:51 PM
 
359 posts, read 188,091 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
You have answered your own question. You are right about what seems to have happened. You are volunteering to be abused......Decide what you would tell a friend who shared this horrible story......and follow your own advice.

I would say to you. It is ok to take care of you.....It is ok to walk away from people who do not deserve our caring. You have done nothing wrong, and you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. You have given it your best shot, and she isn't worth this pain and aggravation. You deserve better friends, and better living conditions. Pack your bags and do not look back. You have a right to be happy and live a peaceful life. Go do that.

Thank you for the kind words, JanND. I plan on taking your advice to heart and moving out asap. Things changed for the worse today and I am going to contact other airbnb hosts and landlords who offer month to month leases without further delay.



I returned from work this evening to have my roommate invite me to talk face to face. She said she had something "difficult" to ask me. I thought uh oh...now what? Turns out that the comfy mattress I've been sleeping on the past year was given to her by a distant cousin, he's back in town and wants it back, even though I paid for a room with that bed and mattress. She wanted me to eat dinner and once done, remove the mattress from the bed frame and replace it with a harder cheaper one she had in her master bedroom that she doesn't sleep in. I tried to resist saying I was tired but eventually caved. She bossed me around, was wearing a jacket inside the house ..told me she was cold..OK. Then I offered to turn up the heat and did, and within 5 minutes of exercising, lifting, bending, she got warm enough to declare she'd change her clothes.

Guess what happened next? She went to her room and came back without the jacket, just a colorful blouse that was a bit loose at the neckline. And yup, you guessed it, she was wearing a bra that pushed her cleavage forward and I got occasional views The problem it was a second here and there...but combined with the face to face interaction and hearing her voice was enough to entice me.


But the problem is that now my back hurts, I have busy work shifts coming up...having trouble relaxing on this hard mattress and need to move out asap! I might even book (rent) another airbnb as soon as this weekend. Actually moving out will be risky because I could end up with even more inconsiderate night owl noisy roommates, but only 1 way to find out. Oh and I looked at 1 bedroom and studio apartments and they're all 1 year leases and above my budget. Room hunting here I come.
 
Old 01-25-2019, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,163 posts, read 10,344,414 times
Reputation: 33158
What.in.the.world did I just read?

I think you should seek the assistance of a psychologist/psychiatrist.
 
Old 01-25-2019, 08:01 AM
 
Location: X marks the spot
693 posts, read 236,659 times
Reputation: 1190
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedonaverde View Post
Thank you for the kind words, JanND. I plan on taking your advice to heart and moving out asap. Things changed for the worse today and I am going to contact other airbnb hosts and landlords who offer month to month leases without further delay.



I returned from work this evening to have my roommate invite me to talk face to face. She said she had something "difficult" to ask me. I thought uh oh...now what? Turns out that the comfy mattress I've been sleeping on the past year was given to her by a distant cousin, he's back in town and wants it back, even though I paid for a room with that bed and mattress. She wanted me to eat dinner and once done, remove the mattress from the bed frame and replace it with a harder cheaper one she had in her master bedroom that she doesn't sleep in. I tried to resist saying I was tired but eventually caved. She bossed me around, was wearing a jacket inside the house ..told me she was cold..OK. Then I offered to turn up the heat and did, and within 5 minutes of exercising, lifting, bending, she got warm enough to declare she'd change her clothes.

Guess what happened next? She went to her room and came back without the jacket, just a colorful blouse that was a bit loose at the neckline. And yup, you guessed it, she was wearing a bra that pushed her cleavage forward and I got occasional views The problem it was a second here and there...but combined with the face to face interaction and hearing her voice was enough to entice me.


But the problem is that now my back hurts, I have busy work shifts coming up...having trouble relaxing on this hard mattress and need to move out asap! I might even book (rent) another airbnb as soon as this weekend. Actually moving out will be risky because I could end up with even more inconsiderate night owl noisy roommates, but only 1 way to find out. Oh and I looked at 1 bedroom and studio apartments and they're all 1 year leases and above my budget. Room hunting here I come.
If and when you move to another location, be sure you have all of your personal items out of the room you are currently renting, or the LL will continue to charge you. I'm surprised you didn't ask her if she would mind sharing her bed with you, when she said she was taking away your mattress.
 
Old 01-25-2019, 12:18 PM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,533,786 times
Reputation: 37896
OP, I believe you to be a very damaged, dangerous person.
 
Old 01-25-2019, 09:02 PM
 
359 posts, read 188,091 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by maiden_fern View Post
If and when you move to another location, be sure you have all of your personal items out of the room you are currently renting, or the LL will continue to charge you. I'm surprised you didn't ask her if she would mind sharing her bed with you, when she said she was taking away your mattress.

Indeed. She made a big deal out of me being away for 2 nights recently (and not paying) even though I moved most of my stuff to the basement and had overpaid and helped her out so many times in the past year. Couldn't she cut me a break on 2 nights rent?


Last night (actually this morning), my roommate was back to her old bad habits again. Even though we have discussed the issue many times about her showering/washing her feet on time, last night, after I had gone to bed, she ran her bathtub at 1:18 am, again with bedroom and bathroom doors open, even though I had to work this morning! It wound me up and she finally finished banging a drawer in her bedroom and walking around by 2am! Imagine I had to start work at 8am...sensitive hearing or not, that's no way to live. Yet this roommate says that because I start work later than that, I should accept noise until that time. I don't understand how she thinks it's OK.


Anyway I texted her today how the hard mattress hurt my back, that something on the surface was scratching against my leg...that I noticed her late and loud bathroom habits (she encouraged me to provide feedback and yet it feels like I'm talking to the wall as it's a long ongoing issue), can she please adapt her schedule to finish earlier? Her response was (no reply) , even though she normally acknowledges my occasional text messages quickly. I got home from work and she stayed in her room. Then I went to the kitchen to prepare my dinner and she came downstairs clearly agitated. She started ranting on and on about how there were several issues she was upset about...starting with how I startled her when my car rolled into the driveway..when I entered the house...because she was wound up from doing an online exam and suddenly hearing me made her feel nervous (huh? first time I heard that). Then she ranted how I was insulting the so called "high quality" mattress she had bought after I tried explaining me it gave me back pain , reduced my sleep and reduced my performance at work. Instead of acknowledging my concerns, she kept ranting on and on....I interrupted her and she eventually calmed down after I replied OK OK I understand your points.


The debate finally settled down and I asked her to turn the mattress around so that something scratching my leg could be under my pillows instead. She removed her jacket (mind you the room temp was 70F)...and she was wearing the same shirt as yesterday. She bent forward slightly but being the impatient person she is, was telling me to hurry up already , rotate it! No patience whatsoever. We were standing at opposite corners and I got slight views of her chest skin ...wow I loved the view but it was too short-lived. She was out of my bedroom within a minute. But the good news is that after all that arguing earlier , she finally listened to my request to shower earlier. Now let's see when the nightly banging noises stop and I can actually sleep tonight. I have to work tomorrow and it's traditionally my busiest day, something I've often told her. Sadly, she often "forgets", or simply doesn't care enough about my concerns to pipe down. I think the only way she'll understand if if I leave a bad review AND move out to cut off her additional income source.

Last edited by sedonaverde; 01-25-2019 at 09:18 PM..
 
Old 01-25-2019, 09:08 PM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,533,786 times
Reputation: 37896
The way you combine your anger at her with sexual thoughts is what's most frightening. I'm getting a stalker/predator vibe. I literally have goosebumps right now. I hope you are a troll.
 
Old 01-25-2019, 09:29 PM
 
359 posts, read 188,091 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
The way you combine your anger at her with sexual thoughts is what's most frightening. I'm getting a stalker/predator vibe. I literally have goosebumps right now. I hope you are a troll.

Umm, you have a alarmist interpretation of the actual situation. Also calling people a troll is a violation of the terms of agreement and can get you banned. Please apologize for your transgression.
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