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OK I'll explain further. Whenever she asked me for help, especially when it required getting close, like 2 pairs of hands to build some furniture that she didn't have the strength to lift (remember she had an incident with "the other woman" -- he ex husband's new wife and was thrown to the ground, breaking and damaging her wrist), she had this tendency to wear a sweatshirt that she would remove when she got hot. And underneath was a tank top or sometimes blouses with deep neck scoops and her chest was right in my face. I could easily see the top of her chest and her bra too. Frankly, combined with her foreign accent, it turned me on. So I would continue helping her and try to look her in the eyes or at her forehead but with chest in my face and being somewhat attracted to her, it was hard to resist.
I once asked her if she trusted me and she said so so..well.. 90%. So if she trusts me 90% and wore revealing tops like I described above, touched my hands so I could feel her warm and soft skin, by accident or on purpose, it should not be a big deal to see each other in her pajamas, right? In fact she gave me a new pair of PJs for Christmas and I had this idea of changing into them and asking her if she thought the garment fit properly, but on one condition. I was going to tell her I'm shy for her to see me in PJs, and tell her, "if I show you mine, you show me yours". That will be the next trust test. If she resists the idea, I'll just counter, but I thought you trusted me? Or: we're friends right, so what's the big deal?
So there you go, now you know why I've stayed so long. I should probably spend more time taking action to get out of there rather than continue to do things for her / be nice...maybe when I lose my job and I have to move out as I can then no longer afford the rent, I will. But hopefully I'll move sooner than that!
I just don’t even know what to say to this. It seems like you are reading signals that aren’t there.
OK I'll explain further. Whenever she asked me for help, especially when it required getting close, like 2 pairs of hands to build some furniture that she didn't have the strength to lift (remember she had an incident with "the other woman" -- he ex husband's new wife and was thrown to the ground, breaking and damaging her wrist), she had this tendency to wear a sweatshirt that she would remove when she got hot. And underneath was a tank top or sometimes blouses with deep neck scoops and her chest was right in my face. I could easily see the top of her chest and her bra too. Frankly, combined with her foreign accent, it turned me on. So I would continue helping her and try to look her in the eyes or at her forehead but with chest in my face and being somewhat attracted to her, it was hard to resist.
I once asked her if she trusted me and she said so so..well.. 90%. So if she trusts me 90% and wore revealing tops like I described above, touched my hands so I could feel her warm and soft skin, by accident or on purpose, it should not be a big deal to see each other in her pajamas, right? In fact she gave me a new pair of PJs for Christmas and I had this idea of changing into them and asking her if she thought the garment fit properly, but on one condition. I was going to tell her I'm shy for her to see me in PJs, and tell her, "if I show you mine, you show me yours". That will be the next trust test. If she resists the idea, I'll just counter, but I thought you trusted me? Or: we're friends right, so what's the big deal?
So there you go, now you know why I've stayed so long. I should probably spend more time taking action to get out of there rather than continue to do things for her / be nice...maybe when I lose my job and I have to move out as I can then no longer afford the rent, I will. But hopefully I'll move sooner than that!
Ok... Hmm...
You need to move out because this is a untenable living situation. The woman is not a good roomy/LL and well... She sounds crazy. Just stay away from unstabled people...nothing good comes out of dealing with their craziness.
Secondly... I don't really know if this is your first same sex attraction or what. But she's not and never will be a good person to explore that route with. Standards will help you here. It doesn't even come across that the LL even swings like that at all. Don't ever do that "trust test"... Or anything like that. Just... Don't. Please.
Given your roommate's very likely history of committing domestic violence, I don't recommend you confront her. You could end up with a fist in your face. As others have said, just move out.
Did I invite myself to be used again tonight? Here's what happened: I was going to go grocery shopping, my roommate was in her room and just walked into the common area when I mentioned I wanted to go shopping - did she need anything? She thought about it and then said OK , give her 10 minutes. So she got changed behind her closed door (fair enough), I waited and off we went in my car. We get to the parking lot and she asks to be dropped off at the front door. OK I comply. I park the car, enter the store and she's nowhere to be seen. I go about my business, check out, make a pit stop to go pee, load the groceries in my car - and she's still nowhere to be found. So I text her that I'm outside waiting for her - where is she?
No reply so I call her 6 mins later. She tells me she's in the clothing section so I tell her OK I need to get some groceries elsewhere as they were sold out at store #1. I drive 24 minutes to/from store #2 and get what I need, then return to store #1 where she still isn't outside. No text no call letting me know where she is. I called her again and she's at the cash...OK fine. Like a pushover, I drive my car to the front of the store, pick her up and take her her home.
I hadn't eaten dinner yet at that point and go to heat up a plate of chicken and veggies - already she's complaining how late it is (9:30 pm) - are you eating dinner now? Why so late? Ummmm because that's my choice and I just spent over an hour driving around for her until the stores closed at 9pm? Remember this is a woman who regularly makes noise until 1-1:30am even on weekdays. Seems like a narcissist to me.
Anyway going back to the trust test, I think I'll need some ideas on what to plan and how to execute it. One fact she seems obsessed about is discovering my age. Initially she requested a copy of my ID but I refused pointing to the fact I already sent ID to airbnb so it's unnecessary for the host to have it. Since then she's been trying to guess and often asks me to confirm it in various ways, and it's annoying. She needs to myob. So I'm thinking of making a plan whereby I offer to tell her my age, on the condition that she does something for me in exchange. And one of those things could be to show me herself wearing her pajamas, because she can trust me 90% right?
Otherwise if that's too far, I can settle for brushing her hair into a ponytail, helping her wash her feet (that's her nightly routine) and my ultimate goal is to help her change her day to night clothes...but I doubt she'd let me after she freaked out and slammed her door at the very sound of me climbing the stairs today.
So I'm thinking of making a plan whereby I offer to tell her my age, on the condition that she does something for me in exchange. And one of those things could be to show me herself wearing her pajamas, because she can trust me 90% right?
Otherwise if that's too far, I can settle for brushing her hair into a ponytail, helping her wash her feet (that's her nightly routine) and my ultimate goal is to help her change her day to night clothes...but I doubt she'd let me after she freaked out and slammed her door at the very sound of me climbing the stairs today.
Why not? I told my ex gf that I wanted to brush her hair and lather her in a soapy bubble bath. Hearing this roommate's voice reminds me of the good times with my ex and I'd like to turn the fantasy into reality. Who better to try it out it out with than the woman who's taken advantage of me all these months and who is the most accessible guinea pig for this test.
So I'm thinking of making a plan whereby I offer to tell her my age, on the condition that she does something for me in exchange. And one of those things could be to show me herself wearing her pajamas, because she can trust me 90% right?
Otherwise if that's too far, I can settle for brushing her hair into a ponytail, helping her wash her feet (that's her nightly routine) and my ultimate goal is to help her change her day to night clothes
Has she given you any indication that she's interested in you?
Did I invite myself to be used again tonight? Here's what happened: I was going to go grocery shopping, my roommate was in her room and just walked into the common area when I mentioned I wanted to go shopping - did she need anything? She thought about it and then said OK , give her 10 minutes. So she got changed behind her closed door (fair enough), I waited and off we went in my car. We get to the parking lot and she asks to be dropped off at the front door. OK I comply. I park the car, enter the store and she's nowhere to be seen. I go about my business, check out, make a pit stop to go pee, load the groceries in my car - and she's still nowhere to be found. So I text her that I'm outside waiting for her - where is she?
No reply so I call her 6 mins later. She tells me she's in the clothing section so I tell her OK I need to get some groceries elsewhere as they were sold out at store #1. I drive 24 minutes to/from store #2 and get what I need, then return to store #1 where she still isn't outside. No text no call letting me know where she is. I called her again and she's at the cash...OK fine. Like a pushover, I drive my car to the front of the store, pick her up and take her her home.
I hadn't eaten dinner yet at that point and go to heat up a plate of chicken and veggies - already she's complaining how late it is (9:30 pm) - are you eating dinner now? Why so late? Ummmm because that's my choice and I just spent over an hour driving around for her until the stores closed at 9pm? Remember this is a woman who regularly makes noise until 1-1:30am even on weekdays. Seems like a narcissist to me.
Anyway going back to the trust test, I think I'll need some ideas on what to plan and how to execute it. One fact she seems obsessed about is discovering my age. Initially she requested a copy of my ID but I refused pointing to the fact I already sent ID to airbnb so it's unnecessary for the host to have it. Since then she's been trying to guess and often asks me to confirm it in various ways, and it's annoying. She needs to myob. So I'm thinking of making a plan whereby I offer to tell her my age, on the condition that she does something for me in exchange. And one of those things could be to show me herself wearing her pajamas, because she can trust me 90% right?
Otherwise if that's too far, I can settle for brushing her hair into a ponytail, helping her wash her feet (that's her nightly routine) and my ultimate goal is to help her change her day to night clothes...but I doubt she'd let me after she freaked out and slammed her door at the very sound of me climbing the stairs today.
Why not? I told my ex gf that I wanted to brush her hair and lather her in a soapy bubble bath. Hearing this roommate's voice reminds me of the good times with my ex and I'd like to turn the fantasy into reality. Who better to try it out it out with than the woman who's taken advantage of me all these months and who is the most accessible guinea pig for this test.
She's your landlord, not your girlfriend. You don't take baths and play dress up with your landlord.
I think it's time for you to move before you become too creepy.
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