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My parents have never been together but i always had bi weekly visits with him growing up until he got married and changed his phone number, cutting off all communication because his new wife was jealous he had a life before her. This happened 9 years ago and i came across his profile on facebook and debated adding him. But I'm so scared he won't accept. And if he does then what? I'm worried one day I'll find out he passed away and wonder what could have been. I figure if i add him i made an attempt to reach out and if he rejects it that's on him. I don't know if I'll be able to take another rejection from him. What would you do?
What are you hoping to accomplish? He abandoned you, and if he regrets doing so, the attempt to reconnect should come from him. Your plan provides him with the power to hurt you again. Don't let him. I don't have any respect for a man who would cut off his child to appease a jealous wife. I'm sorry he treated you this way.
You'll 'wonder what could've been'?!? He abandoned you!! What do you think is going to happen?
I can't fathom why you'd be remotely interested, unless you have some Disney movie idea of how it'll end up. And remember--its not like HE sought YOU out. He gladly turned his back on you and even changed his number and yet you want to hopefully be there in his old age.
I doubt he’s wondering what could have been because he made the decision to cut you off and obviously has no interest in reaching out. So I have to wonder why you would ever think there would be “ could have been” anything?
You'll 'wonder what could've been'?!? He abandoned you!! What do you think is going to happen?
I can't fathom why you'd be remotely interested, unless you have some Disney movie idea of how it'll end up. And remember--its not like HE sought YOU out. He gladly turned his back on you and even changed his number and yet you want to hopefully be there in his old age.
I appreciate your reply but this comes across as harsh. I'm sure you don't intend for it to come across this way. I know tone is hard to decipher over the internet. Maybe I'm just sensitive because this is a sensitive topic for me. I don't have a disney movie idea that things will somehow work out. I honestly don't think i can emotionally handle a rejection so I've decided not to reach out. The computer and the phone goes both ways. He knows my name, he could search me up on facebook if he really wanted to and obviously chose not to.
What are you hoping to accomplish? He abandoned you, and if he regrets doing so, the attempt to reconnect should come from him. Your plan provides him with the power to hurt you again. Don't let him. I don't have any respect for a man who would cut off his child to appease a jealous wife. I'm sorry he treated you this way.
You're right. Thank you for your post. I don't want him to have the power to hurt me again. I don't have respect for either of them. His jealous wife has children of her own too so obviously she had sex before she met my father.
I appreciate your reply but this comes across as harsh. I'm sure you don't intend for it to come across this way. I know tone is hard to decipher over the internet. Maybe I'm just sensitive because this is a sensitive topic for me. I don't have a disney movie idea that things will somehow work out. I honestly don't think i can emotionally handle a rejection so I've decided not to reach out. The computer and the phone goes both ways. He knows my name, he could search me up on facebook if he really wanted to and obviously chose not to.
No, that's the tone I intended, I don't sugar coat anything. I'm irritated at your 'father' for abandoning you the way he did--I hate any 'man' (I use the term loosely) who would do that. I'm hoping you won't let nostalgia (for lack of a better word) lead you into doing this. He's not worthy of you or your attention. Abandoned you? No idea of how your life turned out, whether you've lost loved ones or gained a family of your own, and he doesn't care (again, he didn't contact you). There was a woman who posted awhile back about the same issue, only in her case the 'parent' now had terminal cancer and wanted to re-connect. Not out of any sense of guilt or loyalty, mind you, just someone at the end of their life who--with no real time left to mend fences--wanted to go to her grave with a clear conscious. Please.
Glad to see you've made a decision in YOUR best interests, not the loser's.
No, that's the tone I intended, I don't sugar coat anything. I'm irritated at your 'father' for abandoning you the way he did--I hate any 'man' (I use the term loosely) who would do that. I'm hoping you won't let nostalgia (for lack of a better word) lead you into doing this. He's not worthy of you or your attention. Abandoned you? No idea of how your life turned out, whether you've lost loved ones or gained a family of your own, and he doesn't care (again, he didn't contact you). There was a woman who posted awhile back about the same issue, only in her case the 'parent' now had terminal cancer and wanted to re-connect. Not out of any sense of guilt or loyalty, mind you, just someone at the end of their life who--with no real time left to mend fences--wanted to go to her grave with a clear conscious. Please.
Glad to see you've made a decision in YOUR best interests, not the loser's.
Thank you for clarifying! I felt like you were angry at me for some reason lol. No you're right. Reaching out would bring me nothing but pain and disappointment. Why reopen old wounds?
My parents have never been together but i always had bi weekly visits with him growing up until he got married and changed his phone number, cutting off all communication because his new wife was jealous he had a life before her. This happened 9 years ago and i came across his profile on facebook and debated adding him. But I'm so scared he won't accept. And if he does then what? I'm worried one day I'll find out he passed away and wonder what could have been. I figure if i add him i made an attempt to reach out and if he rejects it that's on him. I don't know if I'll be able to take another rejection from him. What would you do?
I didn't meet my dad until I was 18. I had to find him. My mom wouldn't speak about him. It turned out he lived 5 miles down the road from me my whole life. I made several attempts to form a relationship with him and my effort wasn't matched. He never formally met his grandson. We were in Subway one day and he walked in and he stopped to speak to me. My 6 year old son at the time said, "Mom you know you shouldn't talk to strangers". It was a very sad moment. He was a stranger. The last time I spoke I to him was after Hurricane Matthew. We had several trees down in our yard and didn't have a chainsaw. I asked to borrow his and he was more worried about his equipment being damaged even though my husband knows how to operate it perfectly fine. More now than ever, I am realizing that I have given people way too many chances and I have chose to see the glimmer of good in people, instead of seeing them for who they really are.
My point is...sometimes people are just sorry. Don't let him break your heart. I wouldn't reach out of Facebook. I would call or see him face to face. It's a better gauge. If their is no reciprocity then let him go.
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