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Old 01-27-2019, 07:29 PM
 
375 posts, read 396,974 times
Reputation: 259

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My birthday is coming up on Saturday, and I am going out to a local bar for some drinks with 3 friends. One of the people who is coming is a longtime friend, who also lives a few houses down the street from me, and this person doesn't drink at all. Not even the occasional beer or glass of wine. He is still perfectly fine with coming and wants to, and I figured he would have no problem picking me up, since he lives right down the street, and being my designated driver so I could have a few drinks. I am a responsible drinker also and was only planning on having 2 or 3 drinks. I texted him to see if he could hitch a ride with me there and back, expecting it to be no problem, and he responded with, "No, sorry, I won't be able to pick you up. I don't know how many drinks you plan on having and I dont want you getting sick in my car." I responded with, "Don't worry, I could understand why you'd be hesitant, but I'm only planning on having 2 or 3 drinks, which I've had plenty of times at parties and never gotten sick or even drunk with that amount. Now that you know that, will you pick me up? I'd really appreciate it and would give you gas money also" And he responded with, "No, sorry. Find your own way there."

I don't even know what to think here. I told this guy I'm planning on being responsible, we've been friends for years, and he lives right down the street from me so he can't use the excuse that it's out of the way. All I wanted him to do was give me a ride so I could enjoy a few drinks on my birthday. And he was so rude about it also. I'm not even sure if I want him to come anymore, given how rude he is being, but there are only 4 of us going in total, and he is just as good of friends with them as I am. I actually texted one of the people going with screenshots of his texts, and they responded with, "Wow, that is so rude of him. I'm going to talk to him and try to fix this, and if he won't, then we'll figure it out." I appreciate that very much, but if they still can't convince my "friend" to drive me, I'm going to have to Uber or drive myself and have maybe one beer or so. I feel that he should pay for it if I Uber if he's going to be this ridiculous. He's excited about Saturday otherwise, but part of what bothers me is how rude he was about the whole thing. He doesn't trust that I'm not going to be sick, and I don't even want to get plastered like that. I simply wanted to have a good time. My other friend will be speaking to him tomorrow to try and straighten him out because she agrees that he's being rude, but I am thinking of approaching it myself and telling him I don't want him there or that he has to at least pay for an Uber.

Last edited by xxblue100; 01-27-2019 at 07:39 PM..
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
5,552 posts, read 3,097,663 times
Reputation: 15184
It's really weird of him... yes! Especially if you know him well IF you don't ordinarily overdo it.

But he still doesn't have to pay for your Uber.

If it wasn't already so awkward, you could offer for him to drive your car... (at least he wouldn't get the feared puke in his car that way!)

Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 01-27-2019 at 07:51 PM..
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:43 PM
 
922 posts, read 252,508 times
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I don't think he's obligated to take you, and there may be many reasons he doesn't want to. Maybe he isn't sure if he might want to leave early, and doesn't want to be stuck staying the whole time to wait for you? Maybe he's been burned in the past somehow by helping out a drinking friend (I can think of a few scenarios, including perhaps someone who was "only going to have two or three" that turned into 10 and a mess in his car)? Maybe he is going to be somewhere else before, or is going somewhere else after, and isn't going home first?
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Kansas City North
4,033 posts, read 7,310,103 times
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I also am a non-drinker, and I wouldnít want to give a drinker a ride, either. Who knows if the drinker will be ready to leave when I am, and itís pretty presumptuous to assume that because I donít drink Iíd be glad to do it. Kind of like assuming a neighborhood Stay at home mom or retiree will be glad to accept your UPS parcels for you. You want to drink...pay for your own Uber.
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
5,552 posts, read 3,097,663 times
Reputation: 15184
Quote:
Originally Posted by Okey Dokie View Post
I also am a non-drinker, and I wouldnít want to give a drinker a ride, either. Who knows if the drinker will be ready to leave when I am, and itís pretty presumptuous to assume that because I donít drink Iíd be glad to do it. Kind of like assuming a neighborhood Stay at home mom or retiree will be glad to accept your UPS parcels for you. You want to drink...pay for your own Uber.

She didn't ask a random stranger, she asked one of her long-time friends who is going to the same party! Most friends might carpool to such an event anyway... let alone on the OP's birthday.
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:51 PM
 
375 posts, read 396,974 times
Reputation: 259
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
I don't think he's obligated to take you, and there may be many reasons he doesn't want to. Maybe he isn't sure if he might want to leave early, and doesn't want to be stuck staying the whole time to wait for you? Maybe he's been burned in the past somehow by helping out a drinking friend (I can think of a few scenarios, including perhaps someone who was "only going to have two or three" that turned into 10 and a mess in his car)? Maybe he is going to be somewhere else before, or is going somewhere else after, and isn't going home first?
He had said before this that he was off work the next day and wanted to stay out late because it was my birthday, and he is only going home from work (he gets off work at 4, we're going to the bar at 6) and then home after the bar. We are planning on sitting at the bar when we first go in because we know someone who works there, then moving to a table, having dinner and leaving. It's not supposed to be a drunk fest. Of course he isn't obligated to take me, but it's his attitude about the whole thing that bothers me.
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:54 PM
 
375 posts, read 396,974 times
Reputation: 259
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana Holbrook View Post
She didn't ask a random stranger, she asked one of her long-time friends who is going to the same party! Most friends might carpool to such an event anyway... let alone on the OP's birthday.
I know you don't know me or anything, but if you were in my situation, would you even want my friend there anymore? It'll be a sad event without him there because I've known him for years, but at the same time, he is being a jerk and basically doesn't trust me to not overdo it. The other friends we're going with agree that he is being crazy, and I was more or less venting to them, but they actually said they were going to try and straighten him out.
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Worcester MA
1,810 posts, read 311,079 times
Reputation: 1844
It's weird and selfish, especially since he lives down the street, so it's not out of his way and it's your birthday. He probably is planning to leave early and doesn't want to admit it. Maybe he can at least drive you there and then you take an Uber home.
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Old 01-27-2019, 08:01 PM
 
375 posts, read 396,974 times
Reputation: 259
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taffee72 View Post
It's weird and selfish, especially since he lives down the street, so it's not out of his way and it's your birthday. He probably is planning to leave early and doesn't want to admit it. Maybe he can at least drive you there and then you take an Uber home.
Yeah, that isn't a bad idea. This is bugging me, but being that our other friend will be speaking to him, I don't know if I should make things worse and more awkward for them by texting him tonight. I am thinking of texting him the idea you just gave me, and if he still says no(which wouldn't make sense since I won't have drank anything on the ride there) I'll tell him I'm more than happy to only go out with the other two. I really have to rethink my friendship with him unfortunately.
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Old 01-27-2019, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
5,552 posts, read 3,097,663 times
Reputation: 15184
I am old enough and seen enough drama and known enough quirky people that I wouldn't bother being MAD about it, I'd try to laugh it off. I am SURE there is some story that makes it perfectly justifiable to him. He'll probably tell it. I wouldn't argue in any real or heated kind of way.... I'd just say he's made the list of people you won't bother to slow down to pick up in the Zombie Apocalypse.
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