U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 01-29-2019, 08:08 AM
Location: Texas
9,076 posts, read 3,497,721 times
Reputation: 18831


Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
I've seen it before, and I try to win those people over when I can, I really do. Everyone wants to be liked. But if I'm around the same person who keeps giving me what my dad called "the Old Hairy Eyeball," be it man or woman, heck: I'll give up eventually. I'll always smile and say good morning, but realize too that they're not a friend, or at-worst an enemy, and bear watching in the future."
I think it's better to accept that not everyone will like us, and to be okay with that, and stop trying to "win them over". Someone not liking you, won't affect your life unless you allow it to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 01-29-2019, 08:22 AM
245 posts, read 76,830 times
Reputation: 997
Ask yourself a simple question. Does it matter if that person likes you?

If it's a boss or someone else who has some kind of power over you, it matters, and you should try to please that person. For just about everyone else, it's irrelevant.

It's pointless to become bothered by people who don't matter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 10:07 AM
Location: Between West Chester and Chester, PA
2,574 posts, read 2,271,121 times
Reputation: 4320
All the time. When that's the case, I give the **** a reason not to like me. That way it's not so much of a mystery.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 10:15 AM
1,388 posts, read 529,336 times
Reputation: 2545
Nope doesn't bother me at all. They're not f'ing me or paying my bills so who cares.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 10:42 AM
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,629 posts, read 4,333,240 times
Reputation: 11510
Good opportunity to experiment a little at growing your own skill. Pay her a compliment — “oh, that blue shirt is a great color for you!” And see what happens. Play a little game with it. If you get the cold shoulder, next time say something casual again: “Not so busy/really busy here today.” Keep at it a while.

I grew up on the East coast and never learned this stuff. Years later, living in Texas, I witnessed these simple exchanges all the time and learned to mirror them (when I cared). If you are a “regular” at that gas station, its nice to have a cordial relationship.

But, I pay at the pump.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 11:17 AM
Location: Chicago
883 posts, read 235,302 times
Reputation: 1690
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
There's this gas station on my morning commute that I've stopped at a few times. Every time that I've gone in there it's been the same lady behind the counter. There will be a hand full of people in front of me, and you can hear her laughing and joking with the customers. When I get up to the counter I get the cold shoulder, no smile, asks me if I want my receipt and that's it.
This isn't one of those things that I'm losing sleep over, or I feel that I've been slighted in some way, but it makes me curious as to why someone would react like this?
There's always the option of you talking first. "hi, how are you today?" and end with "see you next time". Im always overly friendly to people i encounter, partly due to something a teacher send to me when i was very young, about how some people can go the whole day without seeing a friendly face, so i have always wanted to be that friendly face, and partly because i have RBF, so i have make more of an effort to come across as pleasant.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 11:33 AM
Location: Orlando
1,946 posts, read 2,598,055 times
Reputation: 7330
Yes, there have, from time to time, been people who didn't seem to like me. This bothered me a lot in high school, but over the course of my life (I'm now 71), I've reached a different conclusion. If someone seems not to like me, I just figure something's going on in their life that I know nothing about. It doesn't bother me at all any more.

Yay, I've finally gotten over high school!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 11:59 AM
Location: State of Transition
77,734 posts, read 69,627,168 times
Reputation: 75412
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
OP, is it possible that she laughs and jokes with friends, or people she knows, but feels you are an outsider?

Some people feel threatened by people they perceive to be outside their “group.”
This. The people she's friendly toward are probably friends, neighbors, relatives, etc. People from inside her circle. Not a big deal. It's normal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 12:26 PM
Location: Massachusetts
6,095 posts, read 7,196,322 times
Reputation: 4474
OP, do you think you'd like this person if you got friendly with them?

I used to worry about popularity and wanting to win over everyone I came across. I realized somewhere along the way when some of these unfriendly people warmed up to me, I didn't really like them that much once I got to know them. Not dislike them, just not really have anything in common enough to strike up a friendship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-29-2019, 12:51 PM
16,664 posts, read 14,369,920 times
Reputation: 37580
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I've experienced this with former friends since I've lived in the midwest. They just stop communicating for no apparent reason. Its so weird since I'm not offensive or obnoxious. But I live in a very weird city. You're either in "the circle" or you're out. As for just going to stores and stuff like that, no, not really experienced this.
So you're saying that these people were once your friends, and then just stopped liking you? Did this suddenly happen with all of them at the same time, or gradually at different paces?

When you reached out to ask what's up, what did they say?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top