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He is paying rent. He's an old family friend. I've known him for over 20 years. He's not just a roommate to kick out. I'm just looking for a livable solution.
Okay, so he's paying rent and he's a family friend. But you seem to be afraid to tell him your expectations ....instead you're playing head games. A living solution is for YOU to make it clear to him that chores are to be shared. Dishes stacking up as you describe is ridiculous.
1. Just have a conversation with him. Tell him the dishes are getting out of hand and if you both help load/unload the dishwasher it wont be an issue. Don't say it in passing, don't casually mention it, but sit down and discuss what's expected with two people sharing a space now.
2. Suck it up and load and unload it yourself. If you notice a dirty dish, put it in the dishwasher and don't let the sink get full.
Say "OK - when we agreed to the rent, I assumed equal split on the chores. If you want me to do all the cleanup, it will be $200 more (or whatever you think is fair) See what he chooses then!
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 02-04-2019 at 04:05 PM..
All these ideas are great, and a couple are inventive and funny. But they’re only as effective as the OP’s willingness to enforce the implied threat of kicking him out for non-compliance. If there’s no threat to his living situation, there’s no real incentive for him to change. A lot of supposed adults operate this way in life. You have to hit them financially and/or “where they live” (literally, in this case) in order to effect change.
Say "OK - when we agreed to the rent, I assumed equal split on the chores. If you want me to do all the cleanup, it will be $200 more (or whatever you think is fair) See what he chooses then!
Yes if OP isn't willing to kick him out, this is the best option.
I'd just be super direct about this.
"I value you as a friend, and I like living with you, but the dishes are becoming a big problem. Since you seem unable to keep up your end of the cleaning, I'm going to need an extra $200 a month to make up for the time I have to spend cleaning up after you. I'd prefer to not have to do this, but you've left me no choice."
Before you have a really big blowout with him, just tell him "Your arms and legs aren't broken, so put your effing dishes in the dishwasher, and when it is full, run it, and when it finishes, empty it. It's not that hard."
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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I'm so interested in how many people are willing to work so hard to avoid a tiny little bit of work, to keep things going smoothly.
I reminded myself tonight of my college roommate, who I really liked. I put up with her very enormous but sweet friendly dog, and she put up with me NEVER TAKING OUT THE TRASH. Like, never. So when she graduated and moved out after 2 years of living together, I had to call her and ask when trash pick up day was because I certainly did not know.
On the other hand, I would cheerfully mop the floor frequently, or at least toss down a kitchen towel to pick up the bulk of wetness, because her big dog left slobber trails after getting a drink of water in the kitchen.
It's not so hard to get along. You don't have to turn everything into a big fight.
I had a friend who needed a place to stay. I let him move into a spare bedroom. I have to tell him to do dishes. The problem persist.
I will fill the dishwasher, empty it, then wait for him to do the same. But the dishes just get pilled up and I can't even wash one in the sink, because it's piled high.
So I put about 1/3 of the plates and dishes in the highest cabinet, where it won't be easily accessible. We went through 1 cycle of dishes after that, where I did the dishes. Now all the dishes were in the sink dirty. I saw that that didn't work. But at least there were less dirty dishes. And yes, I had told him to do dishes a few times, but I can't keep that up.
Then I took 3 more large plates, 3 small plates and 3 bowls, washed them by hand and hid them
Now there is a half sink full of dirty dishes and bowls. But that is all the dishes and bowls in the whole kitchen. Aside from the hidden plates.
So he will have to take a dirty plate or bowl out of the sink and wash it, in order to eat. So he has no choice but to at least clean that plate. And the sink can't possibly be completely full of dishes, since there aren't enough to fill it.
I don't know what else to do, But obviously he can't manage a whole cabinet of dishes so we only have like 5 plates and 5 bowls. I don't want to kick the slob out.
Listen, this guy is flat out taking advantage of your generosity. Just how much longer do you intend to put up with this? Are you thinking all of your effort is somehow going to suddenly “take hold” and the light will go off in his brain and he’ll start pulling his weight? He’s playing you! Give him ONE ultimatum and then kick him out!
Don’t be this guy’s enabler!
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