Friend/roommate doesn't do dishes (person, sister, house, money)

[FelixTheCat]

I had a friend who needed a place to stay. I let him move into a spare bedroom. I have to tell him to do dishes. The problem persist.



I will fill the dishwasher, empty it, then wait for him to do the same. But the dishes just get pilled up and I can't even wash one in the sink, because it's piled high.



So I put about 1/3 of the plates and dishes in the highest cabinet, where it won't be easily accessible. We went through 1 cycle of dishes after that, where I did the dishes. Now all the dishes were in the sink dirty. I saw that that didn't work. But at least there were less dirty dishes. And yes, I had told him to do dishes a few times, but I can't keep that up.



Then I took 3 more large plates, 3 small plates and 3 bowls, washed them by hand and hid them


Now there is a half sink full of dirty dishes and bowls. But that is all the dishes and bowls in the whole kitchen. Aside from the hidden plates.


So he will have to take a dirty plate or bowl out of the sink and wash it, in order to eat. So he has no choice but to at least clean that plate. And the sink can't possibly be completely full of dishes, since there aren't enough to fill it.



I don't know what else to do, But obviously he can't manage a whole cabinet of dishes so we only have like 5 plates and 5 bowls. I don't want to kick the slob out.

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

I don't want to kick the slob out.

Well, you're options are: 1) tell him to wash the dang dishes or get kicked out; or 2) put up with his behavior forever.

And, if you don't want to put up with his behavior forever, you need to be ready to kick him out.

I guess another option would be to charge him for the cost of paying someone else to do the dishes he won't do.

I don't understand anyone putting up someone living in their home, that they don't want there and who doesn't put in their fair share. I simply don't understand that victim mentality, letting someone bully them or take advantage of them. I just don't get it. Value yourself, is what I say. If you value yourself, you'd never let someone treat you this way.

[Mr. In-Between]

Boy, if it were me, I'd sure as hell want to kick him out by now. I can't help wondering what the inside of his room looks like (or smells like). You say you've told him to clean up after himself several times, but he ignores you. Have you tried just asking him why he refuses to do as you asked? What his reason is for totally ignoring your very reasonable requests?

Aside from that, I don't think there's more you can do. He clearly doesn't respect you enough to do as you asked the first few times, so there's no reason to believe that anything you say in the future will have any effect. Seems to me you have two choices - keep living with this situation (and keep resenting him more and more for being such an ungrateful, disrespectful dick), or kick him out.

[Nov3]

Listen you may not win this battle, but you can come to a compromise.
Let him Buy and use paper plates. (Yes despite the idea that its a waste of money). Its his money he can waste. Besides to run a dishwasher or provide hot water to wash ...does cost money. So either way.

I did this when my sister who desperately despises any type of house "care", chose to not wash dishes. I told her so long as she threw her paper dishes away....we were good.

Usually you can find an end result that meets the criteria, which for you is to have a tidy kitchen.

As for any of the cookware...That will be the challenge unless the person doesn't even cook. They will need to clean the microwave or whatever apparatus they utilize to prepare the meal. THAT is Non negotiable.

[applej3]

Why does this have to be complicated?
Stop the silly head games.
Tell him since he's living there free that HE has to do ALL the chores, or get out. Period.

[FelixTheCat]

Originally Posted by Nov3

Listen you may not win this battle, but you can come to a compromise.
Let him Buy and use paper plates. (Yes despite the idea that its a waste of money). Its his money he can waste. Besides to run a dishwasher or provide hot water to wash ...does cost money. So either way.

I did this when my sister who desperately despises any type of house "care", chose to not wash dishes. I told her so long as she threw her paper dishes away....we were good.

Usually you can find an end result that meets the criteria, which for you is to have a tidy kitchen.

As for any of the cookware...That will be the challenge unless the person doesn't even cook. They will need to clean the microwave or whatever apparatus they utilize to prepare the meal. THAT is Non negotiable.

This is what I'll do. I hid most of the dishes. I'm fine with hand washing the one or 2 dishes a day I use. My main issue is that I don't want the sink to be filled up to the top with dirty dishes, so that I either have to put them all in the dish washer or not have any dishes. And the kitchen will look like a total mess with dishes piled in the sink and on the counter.



So if he doesn't do dishes, he cant eat or has to wash them. And at this moment he is washing a dish.

[FelixTheCat]

Originally Posted by applej3

Why does this have to be complicated?
Stop the silly head games.
Tell him since he's living there free that HE has to do ALL the chores, or get out. Period.

He is paying rent. He's an old family friend. I've known him for over 20 years. He's not just a roommate to kick out. I'm just looking for a livable solution.

[E-Twist]

Have you told him you are not his mother? Have you collected all the dishes that he has used and placed them in the middle of his bed?

I'd put the dirty dishes in his bed for fun, and then I'd kick him out.

[FelixTheCat]

The upside is that I'm getting a lower cost of living by getting a rent payment and utilities, paid on time every month.

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

He is paying rent. He's an old family friend. I've known him for over 20 years. He's not just a roommate to kick out. I'm just looking for a livable solution.

Good luck.