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Old 02-09-2019, 12:13 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,539 posts, read 1,723,482 times
Reputation: 10182

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I don't appreciate surface-only conversation - or mainstream points-of-view.

My perspectives are much different from the norm, and I honestly cannot talk to anyone about them because I either don't want to explain, explain, explain - or be met with blank stares.

I don't find most people stimulating or at all amusing.

When I do encounter a direct, inquisitive, non-judgmental, curious, fun person then I'm all in - but it's very rare.

I also have major trust issues, as most people in my life I feel have betrayed me - so even if I want to connect with some, it would be stupid on my part.

People are awful. I much prefer dogs!
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:15 PM
 
Location: North Taxolina
1,008 posts, read 914,962 times
Reputation: 1560
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
Why do people often ask that? I don't get it. Is there some rule where every thread needs to be a question? Occasionally I see forum members tell the OP to start a blog if there isn't a question. I don't get that either.

And regarding this thread, if a question is necessary, I'd argue that there's an implied question such as "how do you feel about the company of others?" or even just "Do you feel the same way?"
I don’t think it’s about rules, it’s just in some cases it’s simply not clear what OP expects to hear or why they posted what they did. When someone asks if there is a question it doesn’t necessarily imply OP offended someone / violated the rule. Maybe OP forgot to add the actual question. Or maybe they don’t realize the post is confusing.

Some people don’t think about that and just post their opinion. Others ask for clarification. “Implied question” makes sense if, for example, someone shares the news (obviously they want to discuss and see what others think). But the posts “this is who I am” tend to be confusing to the readers. So, uhm, what does OP expect? “Well done”? Hence the inquiries.

Regarding OP: I’m also not sure what is the goal of this post but if you’re looking for validation then there is nothing wrong with not wanting any company. But if there is something specific troubling you then please clarify.
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Winterpeg
855 posts, read 324,468 times
Reputation: 3586
Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45 View Post
Have been a loner my entire life and of course there are reasons why that happened. For most of my life I chided myself because I wasn't comfortable being social and/or being like others. Finally, in my later years, I've learned to accept who I am, which has resulted in a contentment never before experienced.

It's difficult for me to find common ground with other people. I do have one friend who is very much like me and although we don't spend a lot of time together, we do talk on the phone weekly and never run out of things to say.

We have seniors in my apartment complex that meet regularly in the clubhouse for snacks and chit chat; at times I join in but once I'm there I begin to feel trapped and can't wait to leave. I like meaningful conversations and have tried numerous times to get them started but it always ends up they prefer to talk about their aches and pains, their grandchildren or great grandchildren. It was the same when I was much younger and friends only wanted to talk about their kid's diaper rash, and not having children I would tune them out.

When out and about I'm at ease striking up conversations with complete strangers and I believe it's because I don't feel trapped and can exit stage left asap.
I can so relate to this! My husband and I found each other years ago, and that's good enough for me. I have lots of acquaintances through activities, but no deeper friends. I hate small talk, and have had a huge problem meeting people I can really talk to. And I'm comfortable being like this, until I do meet someone interesting.
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:31 PM
 
737 posts, read 174,135 times
Reputation: 511
i originally enjoyed a lot of things by myself, until repeated social pressures and judgments made it harder to just be alone. later on, i realized some people feel frustrated by this 'selfish' happiness they don't find inside themself and want to take it out on the lone person-- instead of learning to be alone and make their own happiness as well. better to just remember it's not necessarily a "problem"--except for the other person who doesn't understand this. i wish those people all the best, but there's not much i can do for them if they don't want to do this for themselves.
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
3,007 posts, read 2,148,744 times
Reputation: 6681
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
What a sad outlook. Don't you have friends that you get together with for fun?
This really bugs me, NO it is not a sad outlook and no there is nothing wrong with not having friends to "get together and have fun with" not if you do not want friends. and believe it or not there are people out there who don't want them or need them and that is what this thread is about.
Stop trying to make it NOT OKAY for those of us who feel different than you do.
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
26,773 posts, read 5,711,646 times
Reputation: 29980
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
This really bugs me, NO it is not a sad outlook and no there is nothing wrong with not having friends to "get together and have fun with" not if you do not want friends. and believe it or not there are people out there who don't want them or need them and that is what this thread is about.
Stop trying to make it NOT OKAY for those of us who feel different than you do.

Here we go, introvert v extrovert.
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,544 posts, read 14,166,997 times
Reputation: 30109
As an apparently “moderate extrovert,” according to a M-B test, I find that I crave time away from people more frequently that ever before. Time to myself is a recharge for me. So, I do get how people feel oppressed by too many demands of others.

But I also sense a lot of judgement here. People are posting here about being socially estranged because others don’t give them what they want. Others don’t give them genuine friendship or their attention. But, in posting these things, the posters are revealing that they themselves are withholding their friendship and their attention.

It seems to me that this is all a vicious cycle.

The OP even states that they keep in contact with family because it is the right thing to do, and that the family offers support. The OP is not stating that they stay in touch because of familial love.

My question is, isn’t this selfishness? Doesn’t all of this withholding lead to narrower, more barren lives?

Shouldn’t we be willing to give something of ourselves to people? When we encounter selfishness in others, is the proper response to be selfish in return? How else to break the cycle? And when do we finally become adult enough to take responsibility for becoming proactive, instead of reactive?
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:47 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,539 posts, read 1,723,482 times
Reputation: 10182
The majority of people in the U.S. are extraverts (the original spelling, now bastardized).

I think the ratio is something like 75/25% extravert to introvert (easy to check online).

The U.S. is an extraverted county. Deep thinking is not valued.
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Old 02-09-2019, 01:09 PM
 
Location: SWFL
22,756 posts, read 19,192,502 times
Reputation: 20874
Quote:
Originally Posted by Okey Dokie View Post
I’m a Chiefs fan. I hate you.
That's okay, I repped ya anyway.
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Old 02-09-2019, 01:18 PM
 
Location: 'greater' Buffalo, NY
3,067 posts, read 2,092,282 times
Reputation: 3960
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
Why do people often ask that? I don't get it. Is there some rule where every thread needs to be a question? Occasionally I see forum members tell the OP to start a blog if there isn't a question. I don't get that either.

And regarding this thread, if a question is necessary, I'd argue that there's an implied question such as "how do you feel about the company of others?" or even just "Do you feel the same way?"
Yeah, exactly. Anytime a post is made without a question actually asked, one can assume the implied, 'So, how do you feel about this'? MinivanDriver must not enjoy the company of people who can tolerate ambiguity.
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