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A few years ago, a friend who I consider a brother met his now wife. Now, I am well aware that once you're in a relationship, you don't have much time to hangout with your friends. But in the Summer of 2017, I noticed I was barely hearing from him. I called him out on it and he made more of an effort to hangout. Sometimes I had to play third wheel, but the majority of it was just the guys hanging out. When they got engaged, right up to their wedding, my friend still made time to hangout.
However, I noticed every time I would make plans, it was always me, my girlfriend (now ex), him, and his fiancee. There were rarely any guy's days. My ex would try to have a girl's day with her so me and him could hangout, but she always turned it down, and wanted to hangout as a group instead. My sister is also good friends with his wife, and she has gotten the same results. So, his wife and her SIL decided to have a girl's night tonight, with pizza, wine, a movie, etc. I told him it would be a good idea if we hung out and had some beers, pizza, and a movie night as well.
He was all for it and we made the plans. Now, I moved back in with my sister after I broke up with my ex, and she is totally cool with him coming over. But my sister ended up catching a small cold that's been going around, so she told my friend's wife that she won't be going, especially since his wife's SIL has a 1 year old, and she didn't want to spread any germs. A few hours after she let her know she won't be making it, my friend tells me he can't hangout tonight because he has to help her with tonight's girl's night.
So I called my sister and told her. She laughed and said, "Why does she need his help? There's more than enough people going tonight. I doubt those pizza boxes and bottles of wine are that heavy." So I decided to text my friend, and asked him if he couldn't come because my sister was no longer going to girl's night. I also mentioned how my sister would be cooped up in her room to avoid spreading any germs. His reply was, "Not at all man. The wife just wants to wait until everyone is healthy so we can all hangout." I told him that I honestly felt like his wife was being a little salty, and that I hoped she wasn't thinking we were trying to ditch her.
He left my text on read. Am I overreacting/reading way too into this? Because I honestly feel like there's something going on here. His wife has been known to cut our nights short when we have cemented plans, she's made him reschedule (which is pointless because she ends up tagging along when we redo the plans), she has made him back out of plans at the last minute, and she was never willing to ever hangout when my ex would have small parties with some of my other friends, and her friends.
She tells me that she and her family consider me a part of her family, yet after today, I am starting to call BS. Maybe I am overthinking this, but at the same time, I can't help but look at this entire situation in a suspicious manner.
Confused here - your sister cancelled on a girls night out, her brother got drafted to help out and you are miffed because he does not hang out with you while your roomie has a cold?
A few years ago, a friend who I consider a brother met his now wife. Now, I am well aware that once you're in a relationship, you don't have much time to hangout with your friends. But in the Summer of 2017, I noticed I was barely hearing from him. I called him out on it and he made more of an effort to hangout. Sometimes I had to play third wheel, but the majority of it was just the guys hanging out. When they got engaged, right up to their wedding, my friend still made time to hangout.
However, I noticed every time I would make plans, it was always me, my girlfriend (now ex), him, and his fiancee. There were rarely any guy's days. My ex would try to have a girl's day with her so me and him could hangout, but she always turned it down, and wanted to hangout as a group instead. My sister is also good friends with his wife, and she has gotten the same results. So, his wife and her SIL decided to have a girl's night tonight, with pizza, wine, a movie, etc. I told him it would be a good idea if we hung out and had some beers, pizza, and a movie night as well.
He was all for it and we made the plans. Now, I moved back in with my sister after I broke up with my ex, and she is totally cool with him coming over. But my sister ended up catching a small cold that's been going around, so she told my friend's wife that she won't be going, especially since his wife's SIL has a 1 year old, and she didn't want to spread any germs. A few hours after she let her know she won't be making it, my friend tells me he can't hangout tonight because he has to help her with tonight's girl's night.
So I called my sister and told her. She laughed and said, "Why does she need his help? There's more than enough people going tonight. I doubt those pizza boxes and bottles of wine are that heavy." So I decided to text my friend, and asked him if he couldn't come because my sister was no longer going to girl's night. I also mentioned how my sister would be cooped up in her room to avoid spreading any germs. His reply was, "Not at all man. The wife just wants to wait until everyone is healthy so we can all hangout." I told him that I honestly felt like his wife was being a little salty, and that I hoped she wasn't thinking we were trying to ditch her.
He left my text on read. Am I overreacting/reading way too into this? Because I honestly feel like there's something going on here. His wife has been known to cut our nights short when we have cemented plans, she's made him reschedule (which is pointless because she ends up tagging along when we redo the plans), she has made him back out of plans at the last minute, and she was never willing to ever hangout when my ex would have small parties with some of my other friends, and her friends.
She tells me that she and her family consider me a part of her family, yet after today, I am starting to call BS. Maybe I am overthinking this, but at the same time, I can't help but look at this entire situation in a suspicious manner.
Not sure I understood the whole thing. IMHO you are overthinking this and seeing plots where nothing more sinister than daily life with a 1 year old is going on. You are feeling neglected, sulky, and just insulted his wife. Not sure I'd get right back to you after that either or choose to spend time with someone who makes me feel obligated. That's work. Your skin could use a bit of thickening.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-07-2020 at 03:44 PM..
I'm confused why you keep trying to separate people into little same-sex subgroups.... maybe they don't like it that way, they'd rather hang out in groups, and you are making things too complicated.
My hubby and I usually socialize together. It would be weird for one of our friends to try to invite just one of us out.
I told him that I honestly felt like his wife was being a little salty, and that I hoped she wasn't thinking we were trying to ditch her.
He left my text on read.
That says a lot.
You need to be careful, calling people out like this. You're going to lose friends completely if you can't be more compassionate.
And frankly, your perspective CAN change when you get married. It sounds like he's trying to balance the many relationships in his life. Just be flexible, someone he wants to hang out with, instead of someone he feels like he has to placate to keep form getting upset.
His wife has been known to cut our nights short when we have cemented plans, she's made him reschedule (which is pointless because she ends up tagging along when we redo the plans), she has made him back out of plans at the last minute, and she was never willing to ever hangout when my ex would have small parties with some of my other friends, and her friends.
Your friend is an adult, I doubt his wife makes him do anything or has that much control over his social life. But if that is the way you feel about his wife, I'm not surprised neither of them are wanting to spend a lot of time with you.
Was it just you and this one friend having a guys night? Since it sounded like the wife was having a bigger social gathering, maybe he opted to stay in and hang out with everyone that was coming over to his house.
I think the guy was being honest when he said "Not at all man. The wife just wants to wait until everyone is healthy so we can all hangout."
After the guy's wife found out that your sister (and roommate) was sick, she didn't want her husband going to hang out at a house full of germs...and then bringing the sickness back to their house.
And, DK, it doesn't sound like you're close enough with this guy to be making negative comments to him about his wife. That was a really bad idea.
Last edited by redplum33; 02-07-2020 at 08:30 PM..
Lots going on in your post but it sounds like you're feeling as though he's abandoned your friendship. This isn't uncommon. I've lost a few friends to marriage as well.
I have girl friends who don't like their partners doing things without them. Guys' night out is a thing of the past for many of those men. The men just seem to go along with it.
You didn't help yourself by sending that text, unfortunately. I don't blame him for not responding.
Sounding awful clingy and needy, maybe creepy. Not surprised if the responses come much slower and more infrequently than in the past. Go out and have a beer and watch a game somewhere. Get a life.
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