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Old 02-16-2019, 05:34 AM
 
2,928 posts, read 1,526,666 times
Reputation: 3104

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Quote:
She even said she was happy that Jason is happy to have a woman friend like me who won't over step boundaries. She said she had alot of issues with that and I understood. Because Jason has ALOT of woman friends. But I'm a womans woman and I even told her that.
All of it was an act until the conversation lead up to here. This was the point of the get together. It takes two to overstep boundaries and the expectations should be set with the boyfriend, not with his friend. But she set the boundaries with you instead of letting your guy friend do it.
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:30 AM
Status: "My privilege looks good on me." (set 3 days ago)
 
765 posts, read 165,159 times
Reputation: 1129
Most here won't admit it, but people don't want a straight, single person of the opposite sex hanging around their mate.
I know I wouldn't want a single, straight guy paling around with my cute wife. I'm not overly jealous or insecure, but why encourage potential issues?


Hell, I don't want any guy paling around with my wife ...
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,031 posts, read 8,390,770 times
Reputation: 35214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearljam93 View Post
I am trying to establish a relationship with her by texting her and not Jason as much. I'm just a very loving person and always love people. I understand if they just don't like me, but I guess it's mindboggling when it was very lively energy and a lot of fun! And we all laughed with no awkward moments. It all was such a good time. And I spoke toher like 80% of the time. Jason and his buddies were also over. So, I just stuck by her and talked to her. I did find it strange that I mad each very nice dinner for them, and they weren't super thrilled about it. They said "Thank you" of course but they just seemed like "whatever" about it. It kinda did hurt my feelings because I put alot of effort into my food and want people to be just as excited as me. My grandfather was a chef so I learned alot about home cooking, and tasty dishes. So, I guess it really kinda dampened my mood that they weren't that grateful? I just felt like everything else though was natural and awesome! It's actually hurting me alot because I never felt this way. And actually she is prettier than me and wore less makeup, so I don't think me being dolled up and having nice makeup on made her feel insecure. I just hate it when I'm speculating and nobody tells me their true feelings.

I'm a real straight up person. I know if I go to them and ask them if they are cool with me they are going to be fake and say "of course". They aren't going to be real with me if they truly don't like me, which makes me more anxious and sad. It just really sucks. I'm not the flirty type either, I'm a womans woman. I don't understand. I honestly wish they could tell me to my face if they don't like me, so I can just move on and not deal with them. I guess I'll just keep to myself. I'm not going to keep being in people's lives if I'm unwelcomed. Just hurts my heart.
You seem to be trying awfully hard and are really invested in being her friend - why? Maybe you DO have designs on the guy...

Regardless, you need to learn that not everyone wants to be your friend and that you won't die if someone doesn't. Don't you have other friends? What are you trying to prove? It doesn't matter why she doesn't want to be BFFs and you should know that trying to talk someone into doing what they don't want to do seldom ends well.
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:44 AM
 
5,262 posts, read 2,278,376 times
Reputation: 14657
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
I wouldn't want to spend time with someone who very apparently had an appropriate threshhold of gratitude that they expected me to show. That's toxic and uncomfortable. That just doesn't jive with what you said about being a straightforward person.
+1. Wayyyyyy too much over a meal. OP is wayyyyyy over the top.
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:47 AM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,615,096 times
Reputation: 13502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indiana Tony View Post
Most here won't admit it, but people don't want a straight, single person of the opposite sex hanging around their mate.
I know I wouldn't want a single, straight guy paling around with my cute wife. I'm not overly jealous or insecure, but why encourage potential issues?


Hell, I don't want any guy paling around with my wife ...
I depends on when and where the relationship was established. The op's friendship was established during a time of grief and the there was an emotional intimacy and bond because of that. For all we know Jason may have just felt that his new partner meets those needs OR the partner felt that the emotional bonds were too intimate. Not everything is about sex.

I've never been a jealous person however I would wonder how and what needs a woman friend is offering my husband that I don't. IF it's through a mutual interest of playing chess, have at it. It it's based on emotional support, hum
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:50 AM
 
31 posts, read 9,127 times
Reputation: 45
I have no feelings for Jason. Never have. Even when he vented to me about his girlfriend sometimes, I took her side and told him to stop complaining about her because she seems to do alot. I'm not trying hard to do anything. I'm just being respectful because that's his woman, so I should be close to her. That's all there is to it. Jason was never weird with me, so I don't think he has any attraction towards me. I appreciate some of the comments on here, but some of you are really judgmental. I'm not trying to be in their lives, I'm just naturally a bubbly friend making friends type of a person and I talked to her more than Jason. It's to show respect. And we all are weird and I didn't come off to strong, I was more quiet because he had his friends over and this other guy over who is ALWAYS there. So, how about that? I'm a threat, but this guy who sleeps there and is constantly there at their house isn't a threat to Jason? When Jason goes to work something could happen. That's a double standard if you wanna think that way. We still have this group chat up and she is constantly talking to his one friend. Like wtf? How come that's not a threat? This forum is getting way out of hand. I have no reason to lie, so if there were any suspicious crap I did with Jason I would say it. Seriously? I guess you cant be friends with anyone because there's constant jealousy. And double standards. Wow! What a sad life to live. I was talking to her more and around her more because I'm not comfortable around a group of males like that. I only agreed to come over and hang out with them because he had HER there. If it was just males I wouldn't have shown up.
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:57 AM
Status: "My privilege looks good on me." (set 3 days ago)
 
765 posts, read 165,159 times
Reputation: 1129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
I depends on when and where the relationship was established. The op's friendship was established during a time of grief and the there was an emotional intimacy and bond because of that. For all we know Jason may have just felt that his new partner meets those needs OR the partner felt that the emotional bonds were too intimate. Not everything is about sex.

I've never been a jealous person however I would wonder how and what needs a woman friend is offering my husband that I don't. IF it's through a mutual interest of playing chess, have at it. It it's based on emotional support, hum
I get what you're saying, but I've been around fifty years and have never known a couple where one has a best friend of the opposite sex.
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Old 02-16-2019, 08:36 AM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,615,096 times
Reputation: 13502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearljam93 View Post
I have no feelings for Jason. Never have. Even when he vented to me about his girlfriend sometimes, I took her side and told him to stop complaining about her because she seems to do alot. I'm not trying hard to do anything. I'm just being respectful because that's his woman, so I should be close to her. That's all there is to it. Jason was never weird with me, so I don't think he has any attraction towards me. I appreciate some of the comments on here, but some of you are really judgmental. I'm not trying to be in their lives, I'm just naturally a bubbly friend making friends type of a person and I talked to her more than Jason. It's to show respect. And we all are weird and I didn't come off to strong, I was more quiet because he had his friends over and this other guy over who is ALWAYS there. So, how about that? I'm a threat, but this guy who sleeps there and is constantly there at their house isn't a threat to Jason? When Jason goes to work something could happen. That's a double standard if you wanna think that way. We still have this group chat up and she is constantly talking to his one friend. Like wtf? How come that's not a threat? This forum is getting way out of hand. I have no reason to lie, so if there were any suspicious crap I did with Jason I would say it. Seriously? I guess you cant be friends with anyone because there's constant jealousy. And double standards. Wow! What a sad life to live. I was talking to her more and around her more because I'm not comfortable around a group of males like that. I only agreed to come over and hang out with them because he had HER there. If it was just males I wouldn't have shown up.
It may be the emotional intimacy that is a threat and the fact Jason felt free to vent about her to you. She may have been made aware that you were on her side about an issue which made her realize heís been gossiping about her with you. It doesnít necessarily have to be about jealousy but about setting emotionally healthy boundaries as a couple. It hurts to lose a friend as you knew them but there isnít much you can do. Rather than speculate or be angry you can ask your friend if you did something wrong or just accept it.

I donít know that the girlfriend is jealous ,but perhaps sees there is a woman, you, who her partner feels quite willing to vent to whenever he faces a problem with her , and frankly that is a recipe for underming her. Even if you agree with her and told Jason not to vent about her, that is beside the point.
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Old 02-16-2019, 08:45 AM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,615,096 times
Reputation: 13502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indiana Tony View Post
I get what you're saying, but I've been around fifty years and have never known a couple where one has a best friend of the opposite sex.

So have I , been married nearly 43 years, and I have seen quite a few people have long term friends of the opposite sex. I am one of them but our friendship is strictly in relation to a common passion for art. Cant say we ever discussed our spouses other than in flattering and passing terms, nor did I ever try to impress his wife with my cooking, or try to be her friend. When he had his heart attack I did ask his wife how I could help and support them and it was at her discretion. It is possible, but Iíd say with respect and boundaries for the partner. Iíve never been that desperate for friends Iíd ever want to come between a couple or between my marriage.
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Old 02-16-2019, 08:51 AM
 
5,422 posts, read 2,892,270 times
Reputation: 24290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearljam93 View Post
... because that's his woman, so I should be close to her.
Why?

Just sounds to me that she does not want to be close buddies with you. I don't think you are a threat. Not everyone wants to be friends with everyone.

Jason should not be venting to you about his girlfriend.
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