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Old 02-15-2019, 09:36 AM
 
31 posts, read 9,115 times
Reputation: 45

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Hey! So it is kinda odd to me this situation. I've been friends with this guy (Jason) platonically for 4 years. He has been on and off with this woman he had a child with, and they finally made it official to be with each other. I only knew about her through messages, so I friend requested her, and we started talking. My friend was always saying that me and her are alike. I felt that. She was really sweet, really nice, and opened up to me alot. We both were super excited meeting each other for the first time, and meeting up with my old guy friend whom I haven't seen in a long time as well. She also said she missed homecooked italian food since her mom passed away. And always loved her Lasagna.

So, my first visit I made homemade lasagna for her and meatballs and homemade garlic bread (I'm italian) lol. So, she seemed happy. We laughed alot and had a really good time! Everything was good according to me! Then after that hangout we had she has been silent with me. And my guy friend too. They don't converse with me anymore, and they aren't "liking" or commenting on my Facebook like they were. They just respond to me when I say "Hope you have a great day!" But they aren't initiating conversation like before. I don't know how to go about this and their weird behavior? Because me and his girlfriend really connected and I was very kind towards her, she was as well to me. So, I thought it was all good vibes. She even said she was happy that Jason is happy to have a woman friend like me who won't over step boundaries. She said she had alot of issues with that and I understood. Because Jason has ALOT of woman friends. But I'm a womans woman and I even told her that. I've never been inappropriate with Jason and Jason never was with me either. My one friend thinks she might have been jealous of me. Because I get really dolled up and dressed up all the time, but if we were laughing and having a good time, then there shouldn't be a problem? And she was like begging to see me and to hang with me, and now it's like I'm pretty non existent to them. I don't know how to take this? I tried to be nice and make them a homemade dinner, and we all had fun! I am so mind boggled. I don't know how to approach it either. Thank you for reading.
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Old 02-15-2019, 09:39 AM
 
16,768 posts, read 14,426,665 times
Reputation: 37795
They're just not that into you.
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,076 posts, read 5,342,803 times
Reputation: 12563
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearljam93 View Post
Hey! So it is kinda odd to me this situation. I've been friends with this guy (Jason) platonically for 4 years. He has been on and off with this woman he had a child with, and they finally made it official to be with each other. I only knew about her through messages, so I friend requested her, and we started talking. My friend was always saying that me and her are alike. I felt that. She was really sweet, really nice, and opened up to me alot. We both were super excited meeting each other for the first time, and meeting up with my old guy friend whom I haven't seen in a long time as well. She also said she missed homecooked italian food since her mom passed away. And always loved her Lasagna.

So, my first visit I made homemade lasagna for her and meatballs and homemade garlic bread (I'm italian) lol. So, she seemed happy. We laughed alot and had a really good time! Everything was good according to me! Then after that hangout we had she has been silent with me. And my guy friend too. They don't converse with me anymore, and they aren't "liking" or commenting on my Facebook like they were. They just respond to me when I say "Hope you have a great day!" But they aren't initiating conversation like before. I don't know how to go about this and their weird behavior? Because me and his girlfriend really connected and I was very kind towards her, she was as well to me. So, I thought it was all good vibes. She even said she was happy that Jason is happy to have a woman friend like me who won't over step boundaries. She said she had alot of issues with that and I understood. Because Jason has ALOT of woman friends. But I'm a womans woman and I even told her that. I've never been inappropriate with Jason and Jason never was with me either. My one friend thinks she might have been jealous of me. Because I get really dolled up and dressed up all the time, but if we were laughing and having a good time, then there shouldn't be a problem? And she was like begging to see me and to hang with me, and now it's like I'm pretty non existent to them. I don't know how to take this? I tried to be nice and make them a homemade dinner, and we all had fun! I am so mind boggled. I don't know how to approach it either. Thank you for reading.
Even though the meeting went well and you have no designs on Jason, she's still struggling with those issues.

If you're interested in forging a friendship with her, ask her if she'd like to get together for coffee/drinks/dinner - just you and her. Make an effort to make her your primary friend instead of her being your friend's GF.
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,111 posts, read 10,237,116 times
Reputation: 32956
She knows it's hard for men to just be friends with other women, and it bothers her even if she says it doesn't
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Maryland
1,693 posts, read 533,212 times
Reputation: 3754
...agree with the sentiments expressed in the replies. She met you and can see why her guy likes you....that makes you a threat.
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:34 AM
 
2,057 posts, read 1,293,411 times
Reputation: 9987
Maybe Jason assured her you were plain looking and he wasn't attracted to you at all, then when she say you realized how cute you are or something (if you are :P) and the insecurity came crashing down.
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Chicago
879 posts, read 240,333 times
Reputation: 1699
The reality of you was too much of a threat. My bf has some female friends, if one of the dolled up to be around him i would be a little suspect of her intentions. I have male friends and when i hang out with them i resemble the people of walmart. The only person i dress up for is my guy.
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:42 AM
 
31 posts, read 9,115 times
Reputation: 45
I am trying to establish a relationship with her by texting her and not Jason as much. I'm just a very loving person and always love people. I understand if they just don't like me, but I guess it's mindboggling when it was very lively energy and a lot of fun! And we all laughed with no awkward moments. It all was such a good time. And I spoke toher like 80% of the time. Jason and his buddies were also over. So, I just stuck by her and talked to her. I did find it strange that I mad each very nice dinner for them, and they weren't super thrilled about it. They said "Thank you" of course but they just seemed like "whatever" about it. It kinda did hurt my feelings because I put alot of effort into my food and want people to be just as excited as me. My grandfather was a chef so I learned alot about home cooking, and tasty dishes. So, I guess it really kinda dampened my mood that they weren't that grateful? I just felt like everything else though was natural and awesome! It's actually hurting me alot because I never felt this way. And actually she is prettier than me and wore less makeup, so I don't think me being dolled up and having nice makeup on made her feel insecure. I just hate it when I'm speculating and nobody tells me their true feelings.

I'm a real straight up person. I know if I go to them and ask them if they are cool with me they are going to be fake and say "of course". They aren't going to be real with me if they truly don't like me, which makes me more anxious and sad. It just really sucks. I'm not the flirty type either, I'm a womans woman. I don't understand. I honestly wish they could tell me to my face if they don't like me, so I can just move on and not deal with them. I guess I'll just keep to myself. I'm not going to keep being in people's lives if I'm unwelcomed. Just hurts my heart.
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:43 AM
 
2,512 posts, read 1,308,815 times
Reputation: 4606
Because you’re a woman and he’s a (straight) guy
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Scrapple country
1,536 posts, read 1,259,499 times
Reputation: 4472
Yes. She was meeting you not to make a new friend, but to suss you out.

You readily admit that you get really dolled up (and the fact that you brought this up tells me that you know this may have been a factor). Maybe it was all too much. That and the big ethnic meal that she's not able to cook herself - maybe it felt like you were competing for the male.

You were also in a relationship for most of the duration of your friendship with Jason, yes? Jason ends up dating a woman who's a lot like you. He probably told her that, too. So she knows that you were something special to him. She's probably thinking "If we're so much alike, then probably the only thing that kept Jason and her from dating was the fact that she was in a long-term relationship. And now she's not".

She smells trouble, whether fair or not. Give them some distance. Don't write Jason off just yet, maybe you'll be closer in the future. But she met you to suss you out, and for one reason or another you didn't pass the test. Be friendly when necessary, but don't keep trying to develop a friendship with her.
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