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Old 02-17-2019, 01:20 AM
Location: on the wind
6,857 posts, read 2,793,632 times
Reputation: 23337


Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
If that 4 letter word starts with a C, you should know better.
Agree. Unless the definition of that word has gotten diluted by too much usage, calling a ff or gf that is a pretty horrible insult. Its going to stay with them a long time.

Last edited by Parnassia; 02-17-2019 at 02:13 AM..
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Old 02-17-2019, 08:41 AM
5,426 posts, read 2,896,792 times
Reputation: 24359
Originally Posted by shouldibepissed12 View Post
I told my roomie that anything said in this household stays here which we agreed.
And there it is! If you want something to be a secret, tell no one!

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post

Also, can we please just agree that grownups should use the word "roommate"?
What would be a better word to use?
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Old 02-17-2019, 09:51 AM
817 posts, read 223,554 times
Reputation: 2221
...And, you've just learned why you don't vent about someone to a person who may be their friend (or, in some cases, if you don't know whether they are).

Maybe she wasn't "sabotaging your relationship," as you seem fixated on believing. Maybe she thought what you said was so non-conducive to having a healthy relationship with (or, perhaps, a healthy attitude about-- if "{your} girlfriend can be a **** sometimes" then why do you want to be with someone you think that about?) that your ex needed to be warned. You're making it sound like she intentionally didn't want you to have a relationship, when in reality, maybe she thought she was looking out for your ex. We all vent at times, and maybe you got angry and didn't mean it (though I think it's a good idea to install a brain-mouth filter for things that are a flash-in-the-pan moment of anger things). But if you always did nothing but complain about your girlfriend to your roommate, I can understand her concern if all she ever hears you say about your girlfriend are bad thing and wonders both why you stay with someone you seem to dislike, and feels sorry for someone who probably has no idea you're always badmouthing her to other people.

Maybe you should listen to your roommate's advice about the relationship. Sounds like she's pretty familiar with it, from what you say. Do your other friends think you and your ex are a good match? (Ignore the ones who think this is about your roommate being into you. I hate to break it to men, but not every woman who talks to you is interested in you and not everything a woman does is about you; unlike men, women don't function that way and we're completely able to be friends with you in a totally-platonic manner, and to have interactions with you that are in no way about sexual interest in you. Besides, she knows well how you talk about your girlfriends, so why would she want to be one of them?)
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Old 02-21-2019, 10:42 AM
12,883 posts, read 15,360,866 times
Reputation: 14824
I think it would be incredibly hard to keep hearing both sides of a story and then having to keep mum about it....even if unintentional, the chances of letting something slip to one or the other would be easy to do.
When asked questions about you she would have no options other than to lie (or plead ignorance) to keep peace...same for your ex.
I think that kinda puts her between a rock and a hard place.
I think it's rather unfair of you to confide in her when your ex is as well.

You've both made her a sounding board....sometimes the sounds bounce where we don't really want them to.....be merciful towards her, and keep your feelings about your ex to yourself, or confide in someone who's not your roomate, and doesn't know (at all) your ex.

No, I don't think you should be upset with your roommate.
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Old 02-21-2019, 02:08 PM
Location: Scrapple country
1,541 posts, read 1,264,502 times
Reputation: 4522
Don't confront, just consider it a lesson learned: don't confide something to this roommate that you really don't want to be spread around.
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Old 02-21-2019, 02:49 PM
1,195 posts, read 1,207,998 times
Reputation: 515
If you can't trust the people you live with emotionally or around your stuff, and you need to be around that kind of trust or at least neutrality, you should move out as soon as possible. Something to consider, at least for your emotional health if nothing more. . .
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Old 02-23-2019, 06:42 AM
3,642 posts, read 2,094,977 times
Reputation: 4203
Roommate drama is a rite of passage into adulthood.

I find it easier to have roommates of the same sex. While I was in the roommate phase of my life, I did consider having female roommates, but then realized that it would be more hassle than whatever benefits I could get out of the situation. So I never had them.

Absolutely, you should be upset with your roommate. But you should be more upset with yourself for being in a situation that could happen with a female roommate. As a man, the best thing to do is to only interact with women in a romantic context, or interact with women on a minimal basis when your workplace forces you to do so, or interact with female family members in the most minimal way that you can. I'm so glad that I do not have any female friends in my local area and have had essentially non-existent female friendships since I turned 18 (and also during high school too).

If you adopt the point of view that male-female non-romantic relationships of any significance is a bad idea, you will benefit. The downside of this point of view is that you might find it more difficult to form romantic relationships, because many romantic relationships can form through social networks. However, over the last 30 years or so, the share of romantic relationships that form through friends or acquaintances is diminishing, so it is more likely that you will be meeting romantic relationship partners either at bars, on apps, or in non-bar venues like the gym or grocery store. The benefits of having female friends/acquaintances is generally overstated as compared to maybe a generation ago.

Live and learn.
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Old 02-25-2019, 07:57 PM
390 posts, read 85,138 times
Reputation: 374
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
So does your "roomie" have a crush on you?
even if she does, this is a bad situation for the op and she obviously doesnt care.
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