Asked to attend gravesite service (Jewish)

[emm74]

Originally Posted by charolastra00

I live in Boston and have been to many reform and conservative (the latter being my family) Jewish funerals. Head coverings for women would be completely foreign to me.

Grew up in NY, lived in Boston for almost 25 years and now in Denver for 10+ years. Reform, although have attended some Conservative funerals as well. No head coverings for women in any of those locations.

As for giving a cash gift to the deceased's family, I am sure that in some situations, it is very welcome (and sadly necessary). However, I think it would be inappropriate coming from a business connection vs. a family member or close friend. A charitable contribution is better in those circumstances.

They may name a preferred charity in the death notice, otherwise, if there is a cause you are aware the husband/family supported, that would be fine too.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by Bette

Unexpected death - heart attack

Business client of husband

Husband wants to be respectful but does not wish to go back to their home after if asked

We are not Jewish.

What is the proper etiquette?

Family not flush with money either - his wife is devastated as she was out of town for another funeral and was not home when he had the attack.

Do you know if there was a go fund me started for them? Lots of people do that these days. If you didn't donate to a charity in his name or send food; I honestly do not think it's out of line to "find out" if she needs help paying for it. You can easily find this out having a conversation with her if you bring it up right. I personally would rather give straight to the funeral home then to send flowers.

[LibraGirl123]

Originally Posted by Bette

Just meaning family was not prepared for his passing and they were not prepared (financially).

<snip>

No ill will was meant.

Bette, you're one of the nicest posters here on City-Data. Sorry that you were "verbally spanked" by another member. I was able to read between the lines of your post, and I understood your concerns for the widow and her family.

[Signs9]

I'm Jewish and when my best friend's mother passed we went to her graveside service. I did not wear a head covering nor did my husband wear a yarmulke. We offered our condolences to her & the family while there. I also send food to the house.

We did not attend the shiva since my husband had other obligations. If you can't go don't feel guilty that you must.

ETA: This was last winter in NJ. Everyone wore black because most people have black coats and it was freezing out that day! (low teens). When my dad passed in south Florida I wore a conservative pair of pants in a dark shade but not black. None of the women wore head coverings.