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Old 02-16-2019, 10:23 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,136 posts, read 8,658,042 times
Reputation: 6103

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Unexpected death - heart attack

Business client of husband

Husband wants to be respectful but does not wish to go back to their home after if asked

We are not Jewish.

What is the proper etiquette?

Family not flush with money either - his wife is devastated as she was out of town for another funeral and was not home when he had the attack.
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Old 02-16-2019, 11:02 PM
 
1,553 posts, read 564,901 times
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Hi Bette --

First, my sympathies in the passing of your client/friend. The poor wife -- how awful to be out-of-town at another funeral and to get that phone call, so sad.

Christian and Jewish religious ceremonies are really not that different. Since your Hubby does not want to go back to the home after the service, I would just pay my respects to the wife/relatives at the cemetery at the conclusion of the service, and then leave. Often someone will not be able to go for a reception due to a conflict, especially if the service is on a business day.

It should be fine, and I am sure she will be appreciative of seeing both of you there.
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Old 02-17-2019, 08:12 AM
 
318 posts, read 181,379 times
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If skull caps are provided, your husband should wear one; it's a sign of respect. If it's very cold that day any hat or cap will do.
Don't send flowers; not customery for Jewish funerals.
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Old 02-17-2019, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
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You were provided with excellent advice above.

It is absolutely not necessary to go to the home, but condolences after the service would be appropriate.

Your husband should cover his head at the gravesite service as a sign of respect. It will go a long way.
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Old 02-17-2019, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,136 posts, read 8,658,042 times
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Default Thank you!

Great advice, thank you!

My husband has helped this couple through their journeys in the past few years and I know they were grateful.

The husband's business provided services to a large group and I'm sure the funeral will be packed with lots of those people.

The survivors will need support after this.

(My husband has to go to work after but wants to attend what he can).
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Old 02-17-2019, 10:26 AM
 
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Attend both. It is a tiny sacrifice of your time.
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:27 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
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The service will probably be surprisingly enlightening and beautiful. Attend if you’re able. You don’t have to participate, just be there. Sometimes women are expected to wear a scarf over their heads, if the family is Orthodox. Likewise, many people will wash their hands after leaving the cemetery. Follow their lead.

My friends were glad to see me when they were sitting shiva in the seven days after the burial. If your husband can’t join the family for the meal afterwards, he should simply drop by in the next day or so. Visiting the bereaved is a universal practice.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Orlando
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
The service will probably be surprisingly enlightening and beautiful. Attend if youíre able. You donít have to participate, just be there. Sometimes women are expected to wear a scarf over their heads, if the family is Orthodox. Likewise, many people will wash their hands after leaving the cemetery. Follow their lead.

My friends were glad to see me when they were sitting shiva in the seven days after the burial. If your husband canít join the family for the meal afterwards, he should simply drop by in the next day or so. Visiting the bereaved is a universal practice.
Non-Jewish women are not expected to wear a scarf over their heads.

Non-Jewish people are not expected to participate in the hand washing. Not even all Jews are expected to participate in that.

If you do make a condolence call at the home of the bereaved, it's a nice custom to bring some kind of food. We Jews don't send flowers for a death, but we do bring food. It's to feed all the people who show up to make condolence calls.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:32 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
Unexpected death - heart attack

Business client of husband

Husband wants to be respectful but does not wish to go back to their home after if asked

We are not Jewish.

What is the proper etiquette?

Family not flush with money either - his wife is devastated as she was out of town for another funeral and was not home when he had the attack.
You've got this. You will find many similarities.

Wear black as you would for another funeral. They will distribute yarmulkes - (skull caps) to the men, for the prayer time. All women wear head coverings - Jewish or not. The Rabbi will read from a prayer book. He will likely read in both English and Hebrew. If there is a responsive reading, you will be given a program as you would in a church service.

There may or may not be a eulogy. I gave one of the eulogy at my mother in law's funeral. Her brother gave another eulogy. Her son's do not like public speaking.

There was a reading of the 23rd Psalm, which should be familiar to you."The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...."

At the end of the funeral, before the casket was interred, the Rabbi passed out containers of earth from the Holy Land, to symbolize the connection of all Jewish people to Israel.

After the funeral, we received guests at our home for food and mourning (Shiva)

Do not send or take flowers to the service. This is a Christian custom, Jews do not customarily do this. Frequently, they request that their be a donation to a favorite charity.

All of the Jewish services I've attended were in the Reform or Conservative (which is moderate) traditions. I have never attended an Orthodox, Ultra Orthodox, Chabad, Reconstructionist or other Jewish funerals.

The graveside service I describe was at a National Cemetery, as she was the wife of a Korea war veteran.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:36 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,780 posts, read 18,685,586 times
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yes take food after my grandma died all her friends brought food . some of her jewish friends wore black and had their heads covered . I mean there was so much food my mother ended up giving away a lot of it to my grands senior friends . I tend to think you should attend both the service and the shiva after wards .It is a tiny bit of your time that would mean so much to the widow im sure . im not jewish im just familiar with some of the customs and yes most jewish funerals do not have flowers .Now I keep a veil like scarf for just such a purpose and a dark black dress and black shoes .
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